I'VE HAD IT

[GroovyGwen]

I am SICK and FUCKIG TIRED of explaining to people why I am on meds and these fucking people copping this holier than thou attitude about it. I have a friend who was on a whopping 50mg of zoloft (not that it matters, but it's not like she's on the med-go-round) and is going off it and thinks she can tell me about how meds aren't good. can you sayyyyy - FUCK OFF???? YES YOU. FUCK THE HELL OFF. I tried to kill myself before meds, I wanted to kill myself when I went off meds, if that's cool with her then fuck her.

Food for thought:

What did people do before the HUGE world of antidepressants and the like? The pharmaceutical companies making millions off of all these meds when all people need to do is gain a little strength to overcome the damage in our heads which can be done. I'm almost off Zoloft and I'm glad for it. I'll never go through this again.

Maybe its time to realize that all those medications are doing is fucking with your serotonin levels and not helping you. Maybe you need to find a way to do for you properly and fuck everyone else. Work from the outside in, instead of the other way around. Get organized first, throw out anything in your life that is not a help to you. (wende adds: This is a dig at my mess of an apartment)

Take time to learn meditation or if you know how, do it every night to try to clear your head. How are the cats doing? (Wende adds: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT???) Only YOU can make things work for yourself Wende and asking anyone to take care of you... well, what if that person gets sick, who will take care of them and you? It goes two ways... that person needs to be able to rely on you as much as you rely on them.

GODDAMN PEOPLE SUCK AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I AM THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD BUT THEY DO.

AND I BIT MY FUCKING TONGUE in my response. I did thank her for making me feel like shit though. FUCK HER FUCK EVERYONE I'LL DIE ALONE AND MISERABLE BUT I WON"T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT FUCK EVERYONE

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Fucking son of a bitch cocksucking whore bitch

Don't anyone DARE Be rational with me. Bitch with me, rant with me, say how ridiculous everyone else is and how people really DO suck, I don't care that I am one of them and a lot of times I suck, a lot of times I'm not too bad either. FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

[GroovyGwen]

I'm still pissy. She wrote me back "Do you honestly think I would hurt you on purpose?" NO BUT YOU STILL DID. I told her she was being insensitive and ignorant and last I checked she wasn't an expert in psychopharmacology or psychology and that I was resisting the urge to be bitchier. Why don't I just be bitchier? Why don't I tell her that she is drawn to people with these huge problems so she can "save" them or just feel better about herself? Why don't I tell her that her talk about being there for everyone else and being such a great friend is a crock of shit because all she ever does when she is around me is bitch about herself and talk and talk and talk about how she is so great to all these other people but I've never seen a damn ounce of it. Why don't I tell her that she needs to shut her fucking trap and not give me the "Tough Love" BULLSHIT that I have heard from my family and friends in the past? Why don't I tell her to step in my goddamn shoes and NEED meds to live adn not just to get over the death of my sister like her? How about I tell her that all her friends are online because in real life she is annoying as hell? How about I tell her that she is a dumbass to get involved with a heroin addict and think he is going to actually stop when he has already killed his liver and doesn't fucking care? Why can't I come up with some kind of rational response and not just out of control ranting and cursing? WHY CAN'T I STOP CRYING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD???? Why do I let people get to me like this? Yes, I believe I suck so when people tell me I suck I can't help but agree with them and that just makes me sad and angry and annoyed and frustrated and PISSY AS GODDAMN HELL.

I wish I could just let this shit roll off my back but I can't. The xanax ain't helping enough and I am pissed that I have wine in the house and I've started drinking again and that's just going to lead down a bad path. I'm pissed that a person thinks it's a GOOD thing that I drink because it makes him feel better about drinking nightly. I'm pissed at people and I know that I am just pissed at myself. I am pissed that people look at me heavy and automatically think "BAD" and look at me skinny and automatically think "GOOD"

Damn I have to work through fucking tears. FUCK.

[Maddy]

I'm right with you on that.

I hate it when people tell me that all I need is some willpower or fuckin' JEEZUS. My mom even wanted me to go get the "demons" exorcised from me when I first lost it. Can you fucking believe THAT bullshit?!?!?!?!

And I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but if all you fucking need is meditation instead of medication, then you don't have a serious problem. Don't tell me that I don't need my fucking meds unless you're willing to handle the fall-out from my manias / depressions and my fucking seizures. THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.

Every time I hear or read someone telling me I don't need meds I just want wish all my seizures on them. Let's see how they fucking like that. They should all have to mow my lawn and pay ME a dollar an hour for that fucking privilege.

Even the pastor of the church where my 1/2 brother went to thought that seizures were a sign of the fucking devil. And all I really needed to do was "give my heart over to JEEZUS!" FUCK your God. FUCK you for looking down on me for not believing in your silly little superstitions. And you better believe that I've never forgiven that sorry racist son-of-a-bitch for stealing my 4-D Maglite. Fucking hypocrite. He's not even worthy of licking my ass. He couldn't PAY ME enough to allow him that.

FUCK people who think we're weak. Or better yet, UNFUCK THEM.

because dammit, fucking is fun.

[december_brigette]

Hi SG & Maddy,

I completely agree!!!

i hate it when people say i take too many pills. ok, then, what is the correct number of pills i should be taking????

oh, i forgot - everyone IS a psychiatrist. right.....(sarcasm).

db

[wifezilla]

:::wanders over to calendar:::checks year:::

Hu. It IS 2007, not 1897. I guess your "friend" doesn't know that.

[Caillech]

Hi Supergwen,

I just wanted to add that I am in the same boat as you are with your friend only, its my mom, and I hear it ALL THE DAMN TIME!

I agree one hundred percent with everything that youve said. 'cept I cant tell my mom to fuck off.

sigh.

Selene

[Dweii]

Fuck 'em. (Tempted to add something more obscene here...)

[Velvet Elvis]

People like that. . .

Someone should slip them some acid and make them watch faces of death vids and while they are freaking out suggest that they try meditation. Welcome to my mind. Now shut the fuck up.

Grrr.

[Guest]

I have to say, when people (that aren't related to me and living in my house) bitch about my med dependency I have to cut them out of my life, short and sweet. Life is too short to spend it explaining myself to someone who obviously has no clue about my illness and doesn't care enough to want to get educated.

[GroovyGwen]

YES! YES! Crazy people unite to overthrow the assholes!!

And I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but if all you fucking need is meditation instead of medication, then you don't have a serious problem.

YES!

I cannot believe some of the shit we have to take. Maddy's fam wanting her to have an exorcism? Selene's MOM ragging on her constantly? COME ON. LOSE THE STIGMA. If meds keep me alive, then I'm takin' them. Enter overused diabetes reference here.

Karuna has a point. I want understanding people in my life - not judgemental fucks. I just need to find some of those understanding peeps.

Thanks all for your replies, it makes me feel better to know others have the same problems I do. (Hence why I <3 this board)

[scatty]

I give ignorant people 2 chances NOT to piss me off. After that, GOODBYE! I have enough problems not letting my own thoughts get to me.

[reddog]

i can't help myself, Wende, i hope this makes you laugh but i can't get this out of my head, what with all the FUCKing going on around here: if it was 1897, we'd all be treated for 'hysteria' by having our docs masterbate us to orgasm! seriously!!!! that was one of the main medical treatments for women.

Wende, i gotta question for you: why don't you tell this socalled friend all the stuff you are thinking? is she really THAT much fun to hang out with? i mean, there's gotta be something enjoyable in her socalled friendship...if there isn't dump her.

or as Maddy says, unfuck her.

[GroovyGwen]

i can't help myself, Wende, i hope this makes you laugh but i can't get this out of my head, what with all the FUCKing going on around here: if it was 1897, we'd all be treated for 'hysteria' by having our docs masterbate us to orgasm! seriously!!!! that was one of the main medical treatments for women.

Wende, i gotta question for you: why don't you tell this socalled friend all the stuff you are thinking? is she really THAT much fun to hang out with? i mean, there's gotta be something enjoyable in her socalled friendship...if there isn't dump her.

or as Maddy says, unfuck her.

It totally made me laugh! More orgasms are always good.

I feel bad doing the low blow thing and being outright obnoixous. She WAS just voicing her concerns, however rude they were. I think I am bitchy enough as is for it to get through. Even when I allude to things people say they can tell how I really feel and how pissed I really am. I don't think I hide emotions even though I may not say the words.

And yeah, she's done. I didn't respond to her last email and a guy who works with her agreed that I should try my damnedest to ignore her. She really wasn't that good of a friend but I have exactly 2 girl friends so I feel the need to hold on to the ones I have. Even if they do suck.

[Loon-A-TiK]

my mom, another bp1, tells me all the time (and SHE takes lex) that I should stop taking MY meds BECAUSE THEY'RE BAD FOR ME!

has anyone checked out the 15% suicide rate for the bipolar recently? and both types of bp have the same suicide rate, so no matter what, you're screwed.

i hope she gets unfucked. yes, fucking is too much fun for her type. she needs to have seizures and vivid hallucinatinos, nightmares, and spend thousands of dollars in a matter of hours, and have sex with strangers, and see what it is really like to be bipolar. or depression- feeling the bottomless pit of nothing and not being able to even get out of bed- "snap out of it"...i'lll snap out of my depression if you snap out of being a turd.

[Guest Guest_cornprincess_*]

This is one of the best threads I have ever read, so even though you are suffering with this person, IT FEELS SO GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE "GET IT." I haven't even put my list of meds on my profile here yet, and you people are the nicest, smartest, wittiest people I have ever encountered - not likely to judge me. But getting burned one too many times in the real world makes you skittish.

I hear you about not having that many friends in the barrel to choose from (I'm there), but if talking to her about it depletes YOU, fuck that. You don't need to feel badly about yourself. You are brave and honest and if SHE were suffering, you would NEVER "medicate, don't meditate" HER if that's what worked for her. A friendship/relationship dies when you give nothing to it. Maybe you can let it be for a while, not let it GO, but just let it BE. People want to be heard, right? And if you don't even let her know that you hear her, eventually she'll shut the hell up about it - she's got no fuel. And if the friendship is meant to live, it will, and maybe it will grow sometime to the point when she can treat you with the same love and compassion you would treat her. Or maybe it will wither and fade. Either way, please hear this: I think you are very courageous, very smart, and very very very likeable. And that's no small thing, because these days, I don't like very many people.

[Guest Guest_cornprincess_*]

And I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but if all you fucking need is meditation instead of medication, then you don't have a serious problem. Don't tell me that I don't need my fucking meds unless you're willing to handle the fall-out from my manias / depressions and my fucking seizures. THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.

I just wanted to say, Maddy, that my son started having his seizures at 14 months and of course I have spent a lot of years blaming myself - who knows WHY he has them? - so what you said made me SO MAD, SO MAD!!!! - and I'm just really so very glad that medication EXISTS and that you have it, and my son has it, and I'm so pissed that anyone would make things harder for you by suggesting that this could somehow be your fault . . . this is very inarticulate but I just wanted to say you rock.

[ldo]

While I wish you felt better, right now, I can't help but enjoy the post. My girlfriend likes to talk about science vs. scientism. Well, this is similar, rationality vs. rationalizing. Your "friend" is doing the latter. If she ever takes, say, penecillin, blood pressure med, birth control pill, etc., you might try giving her a very similar message, i.e. that it's a weakness to need penecillin. Very easy to translate such claptrap. If you value her friendship, though, you may have to be careful what you write immediately before and after in order to soften the blow. But I get the impression you've given up on this person, and if so, it sounds like a good idea.

One might also tell your friend that the number of people needing mental hospitals or spending their lives alone in attic rooms used to be larger. And, of course, the ones that knocked themselves off ceased to be trouble to anyone except those who loved them when they were alive.

I myself find some use in meditatiion. For instance, while waiting in the chair for 20 or 30 minutes to have a tooth pulled today. BUT I CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT MEDS! It just doesn't work.

So, although I am not ranting with you, keep ranting. This is the place!

Please forgive me if I've missed something. I'm tired and spacy, and it's been a long time since I've been here. If I was rested and/or normal, I'd remember a lot of stuff about you because I know I've read many of your posts.

I am SICK and FUCKIG TIRED of explaining to people why I am on meds and these fucking people copping this holier than thou attitude about it. I have a friend who was on a whopping 50mg of zoloft (not that it matters, but it's not like she's on the med-go-round) and is going off it and thinks she can tell me about how meds aren't good. can you sayyyyy - FUCK OFF???? YES YOU. FUCK THE HELL OFF. I tried to kill myself before meds, I wanted to kill myself when I went off meds, if that's cool with her then fuck her.

Food for thought:

What did people do before the HUGE world of antidepressants and the like? The pharmaceutical companies making millions off of all these meds when all people need to do is gain a little strength to overcome the damage in our heads which can be done. I'm almost off Zoloft and I'm glad for it. I'll never go through this again.

Maybe its time to realize that all those medications are doing is fucking with your serotonin levels and not helping you. Maybe you need to find a way to do for you properly and fuck everyone else. Work from the outside in, instead of the other way around. Get organized first, throw out anything in your life that is not a help to you. (wende adds: This is a dig at my mess of an apartment)

Take time to learn meditation or if you know how, do it every night to try to clear your head. How are the cats doing? (Wende adds: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ABOUT???) Only YOU can make things work for yourself Wende and asking anyone to take care of you... well, what if that person gets sick, who will take care of them and you? It goes two ways... that person needs to be able to rely on you as much as you rely on them.

GODDAMN PEOPLE SUCK AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF I AM THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD BUT THEY DO.

AND I BIT MY FUCKING TONGUE in my response. I did thank her for making me feel like shit though. FUCK HER FUCK EVERYONE I'LL DIE ALONE AND MISERABLE BUT I WON"T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT FUCK EVERYONE

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Fucking son of a bitch cocksucking whore bitch

Don't anyone DARE Be rational with me. Bitch with me, rant with me, say how ridiculous everyone else is and how people really DO suck, I don't care that I am one of them and a lot of times I suck, a lot of times I'm not too bad either. FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

warning: somwhat related hijack

P.S. My mom used to have this thing about western medicine. While it's true that docs made some mistakes with my grandmothers, that doesn't make me dismiss the whole thing. Anyway, she used to stay away from the docs and push "alternative" (which I often read "not extensively tested") remedies. Well, the alternatives didn't get my Dad's blood pressure down and he had a stroke. And I tend to think if my mom hadn't kept away from the docs for 15 years, they might have caugth the cancer in time. Of course, she'd have probably died shortly there after anyay when she had her own stroke after I told her about the Prozac and Adderall. She always wanted me to get off my heart meds, too.

As a society, we're Victorian about drugs the way the Victorians were Victorian about sex.

[GroovyGwen]

CornPrincess likes us! She really likes us!

I didn't talk to this chick for about a week and then she sent an email saying "Soooo, are you still mad at me for a thought I had?" (Fuckin' A - can't she at least be nice about it???) ANd I replied that it was cool, that it is part of the stigma, but it sucks that she thinks that way. And we chatted about random stuff. But she is all but dead to me. THe "I don't give a shit about you" switch has been flipped and she can go rot.

I love these stories. All these people need to walk a mile, hell a FOOT, in my (or your) shoes and see what they think about meds. Once I use the suicide rate thing and the "If I weren't on meds I would be dead" thing, they usually shut the fuck up. If they contradict that I will kick them in the nuts and tell them that they obviously don't care if I kill myself.

Bitches.

[wifezilla]

These type of people are the ones who treat me like garbage for having an autistic son. When he isn't acting "just right" they flip out. I have had insensitive jerks tell me that I just don't discipline him enough. Excuse me? I am so tempted to drop him off at their house for a couple of hours just for fun.

[daydreambeliever]

i am so sorry you were crying that day supergwen but this post mad me laugh too. people definitley suck!!!

i hope this doesn't offend anyone but i am a christian, and guess what????? i take medicine! my docter is also a christian and he"s handing it out lol. so as far as finding "jeezuz"...i guess they would say that i really haven't. whatever!!!

thanks for making me laugh everyone!!

[withing]

I guess this is one of the reasons I don't have that many friends. Whenever they say stuff like this, I just walk away and never talk to them again. Or, I sic my daughters on them. My daughters can go on for hours about how much *better* life is when Mom's on her meds than when she's a raving, unmedicated, bi-polar bitch from hell.