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Off My Rocker!


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i've been so depressed. i was wide awake, and just sat in bed, and knew i had to get up for this bvr appointment i had. it had been scheduled 2 months in advance, that's how backed up these people are. and what did i do? i just started crying and didn't get out of bed. so i misssed my valuable bvr appointment.

THEN the same thing happened wtih my JOB. i was still there a few hours later, still crying, and decided i couldn't handle my job anymore. i called up and quit. i was only working 12 hours a week, and have delusions that i can somehow manage 40, and i feel pathetic that i had to quit my 12 hours a week job.

i'm rotting to pieces!

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Loon-

Don't you have a pdoc appointment coming up soon? I hope something will happen that's good then. And with the job... some of us can do it and some of us can't and it always changes with where we are. It's not your fault, it just is how it is right now. Don't go beating yourself up because you aren't pathetic. You may feel disappointed, but just don't feel well right now. When you don't feel well and try to push yourself, you can make yourself feel worse. You have to concentrate on you, also. On getting better.

Concentrate on your next appointment. Think about some things to talk to your doc about. They'll hel you get this under control.

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Hi Loon:

ive been in the same place. probably a lot of cb'ers as well - not being able to get out of bed. not being able to get to appointments because we are in bed crying. not being able to handle anything.

is your popsie still in the hospital? (I apologize that I didnt check your thread first). there may be parts of your brain trying to cope with your popsie. and that in itself can be very sad.

I dont know what to say to help make you feel better - other than a lot of us have been in the same place.

and try to care for your body...dont forget to drink some liquids and eat something....anything is permissiable in this moment!! ;)

love,

december

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Big hugs to you, Loon. Sometimes things just get overwhelming and i'ts really hard to know just what "it" is that caused everything to fall apart. Give yourself a break, girl, and take some time to do some things for Loon. Get out of the house and just do something...it doesn't matter what...even if you just do some "people watching". I really am sorry - if we lived closer I'd adopt you!

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Loon, you have been my stalwart, the queen of my world. ITS OK--this is what happens. and its OK. Please don't beat yourself up.

We have great days, shitty days, days that arre the 4th ring of hell, and days that are just days.

Please be nice to yourself--you have helped so many of us, we want you around, and we

have been where you are.

Just hang, take it just a minute at a time, and go get in the shower--you told me to do that once, and it was a wonderful, terriffic help.

Love you--''china

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you're NOT rotting at all

you're a sweet helpful soul

and you're on a rough spot

you'll get up and over it

I just feel it

so trust me ok!

Saw a job the other day damnit forgot to send it to you

it may just be a fluke but was on craigs list I think

phone customer service techie stuff

nope can't find

but here's one

job-277943519@craigslist.org description http://slo.craigslist.org/csr/277943519.html

love ya loon!

spoil yourself

jobs come and go

take care of YOU

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Guest Guest_hollywoodfreaks_*

Aww, I'm sorry you feel so bad. Everyone with serious depression issues has a day like this occassionally. From what I've read of your posts, it doesn't sound like you have a hard time getting jobs, and of course appointments can be rescheduled. Everything that you missed out on can be fixed when you feel up to it, just remember that. Don't feel like you have to work 40 hours a week, or work at all for that matter. A lot of people with depression and bipolar have trouble holding jobs when their symptoms are acting up (I'm no exception). I think that, like me, you compare yourself to normies and think you're a fuck up if you aren't as stable or secure or whatever. Most people with good self-esteem compare themselves to people that are similar to them, not to people that they think are "better." I'm trying to remember that.

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Seems like I saw her lately, although my days tend to get mixed up.

Loon, don't be so hard on yourself. Wow, I can so totally understand crying in bed and not being able to continue with the every day. It happens. We have more difficulties than others, so don't compare yourself.

<see outstanding advive given above> take care of yourself, that's goal no. 1.

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all- i don't know what to say- your kindness is making me cry (in a good way)- i've been depressed for awhile now and this is helping me.

i went to the gyn first. she said my pap results look really good and it even looks like my body will return to normal soon. i'm only losing 2 instead of 3 handfuls of hair in the shower now. i still don't have my period (it's been like 5 months), but i'm not lactating anymore. she drew blood to check the prolactin.

my gyn and pdoc think that the hormonal stuff is playing into the depression and mood swings.

my tdoc wants me to get out more (you've all said it!), and join our brand new local YMCA where i can get a discount for being on SSDI.

my pdoc raised my abilify to 15 from 10 and took some blood for a prolactin check (that's what he thinks is causing the problem). i'm getting that tested twice! ;) they'd better be darn sure about that prolactin now!

my tdoc made me give her the phone number of someone who can check in on me during this coming week because my tdoc will be on vacation, and i gave her my mom's number (WHY did i pick HER??), so now i'm getting non-stop calls from her making sure i'm not dead. i also have an appointment scheduled with the tdoc i worked with over the summer when my regular one was on maturnity leave. they've got me covered :)

love,

loon

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chUCKIT- feel? depressed, sinking still. i'm counting on that extra abilify to knock this out. the old, stupid thing that we all hate to hear, "think happy thoughts", kind of pertains to me here. i just need to be more positive right now. ;)

SG- right on!

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Sorry. I haven't heard you doing this crappy in a while. Lactating and no periods for 5 months? I seriously think you may be going through drug induced post partum depression/chronic PMS. I be curious to hear what your prolactin levels are (I'm on the risperdal now).

Anyways I know you struggle to be healthy and maintain a good life and I know how it feels to be robbed of the will to struggle. We all tend toward entropy. The clock ticks so slowly when you're waiting for a drug to wear off, or a drug to work, and the uncertainty. Good luck with the prolactin, abilify, and the ymca (going to the ymca is something you do have a say in, get yourself there)

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