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Well, I'm sort of back, but I sort of never really went away either. Lots of complex reasons: I wish I had gone away properly in some respects - clear my head and all, but I never got the chance. Things are a little clearer now, anyway.

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Thanks, guys, it means a lot. Just over a week ago I kinda hit bottom, and I was on the point of just getting on a train to who knows where, drinking too much, sleeping rough, maybe checking in to a boarding house for a few days. I didn't have my meds with me, and I didn't want to risk quitting lamotrigine cold turkey. I decided to go the next day, but one of my kids was off school sick, so that killed that plan.

One thing led to another and I'm still here, though my head's still a bit screwed up. But at least I'm still here. I have no support network, no tdoc, nothing apart from a phone number for Rainbow Tears and you guys. You mean a lot.

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Glad you are still here.

Is there anything you can do about building a support network of sorts? If not, you always have us....but some RL help would be cool.

Do you need some music to get you buy? I think we have similar tastes...I could send you some if you need it. Just let me know ;)

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Do you need some music to get you buy? I think we have similar tastes...I could send you some if you need it. Just let me know ;)

Thanks WZ, music suggestions always welcome. Currently listening to:

Lacuna Coil

Anathema

Evanescence

Disturbed

Earshot (on and off)

Godsmack

Staind

Dream Theater

Audioslave

3 Doors Down

Nickelback

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On the subject of support networks, where do you start?

I don't have a tdoc (not sure why I'd want one. Ideas, please?)

I am an only child.

I can't talk to my wife, as any discussion of what I feel or what I'm going through elicits one of two responses: a) "There's nothing I can do to help," followed by an almost complete absence of contact (physical or emotional), or b) "You frighten me when you talk about that stuff," followed by etc etc

I have one surviving parent, 200 miles away and very little relationship therewith.

I am male, hence have no 'friends', just a bunch of guys I know. No-one you would ever talk to about your problems. That's just a guy thing.

I am somewhat introverted, and only have one female friend. I would not burden her as she has had enough shit over the last two years battling cancer.

I have fallen out of the medical system: insurance no longer covers my pdoc, and my referral back to the NHS seems to have got lost. My GP cannot prescribe psychiatric meds.

I guess there must be some kind of local support group, but I don't want to go there. I think that I'm not that weak, and it would be full of weak, whackjobs that would just drag me down.

What do I do? Answers on a postcard...

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Ta, Karuna. I need to chase the GP about the referral, I guess. I get my lamotrigine on a repeat, so there's no problem there, but I have a week's worth of trimipramine left and the citalopram ran out about 10 days ago. I should get off my arse, I guess, but right now I have to get a new job fast, and that's taking all my time and energy.

I looked at the MDF, but the nearest group is half an hour away, and the bastards want to charge me

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I hear ya. I'm the same way although I'm female I do not reach out to others easily. It is better to come here and be understood (for me) than to talk to people who could never fathom the places my mind takes me.

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Jeez, this is killing me. There's lots of work stuff happening: I have had more interviews in 10 days than I can believe, but it is so hard. It's hours and hours of background research and prep for each one, then an hour or two of ultra-high pressure for the interview (this is high-end, big money jobs), then crash! as I get home. I am physically wrecked and getting shit from my SO because I am ignoring her. Big fucking deal! She's blanked out my issues for months and months, so she can just fuck off if she thinks I have time to pretend everything is normal. I will join the local (well, 25 miles away) support group, because I need an outlet, and if she doesn't like it because it's closing her out, then tough.

Bitter and twisted, but still alive and kicking.

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Hey there,

You have a lot going on right now. Sometimes it is hard for a SO to understand everything. Join the group, get your job, and try to be patient. Things will smooth out in a while.

Hang in there.

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I hope SO comes around. It must be so hard for them to understand but damn we have to LIVE this shit day in and day out and smile and nod and pretend everything is peachy (and how I hate the word peachy.) Keep on keeping on, you'll get through it.

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