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I really don't care


Vivi

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...no the stuff on the cutting board doesn't help me to read it. My problems are so deep I haven't been able to reach them after 20 years in therapy, 2 months in rehab (and 20 yrs sobriety), and going to a depression support group every 2 weeks. I just cut myself because i'm so enraged at my family. The details are immaterial. I hate them. I gave up my life (in US), friends and a job I loved to come back and care for my mother (here in UK). I wish I hadn't bothered. I can't go back to the US because of debt and nowhere to live and no car and no money etc. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't have any friends cuz I have to be home so much isolated. I have 2 dogs I adore so won't abandon them. What should I do?

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I'm sorry to hear that you're still struggling with depression after all this time, and that your current circumstances won't allow you to do what's best for you. Are you on any meds for your depression? When you say you don't want to talk to anyone, are you saying you aren't interesting in re-trying therapy?

Why don't you tell us a bit about your family and why they provoke such profound frustration. I've always found a good rant to have cathartic powers.

Hang in there, Vivi. There's bound to be something you haven't yet considered, a medication or form of therapy perhaps, that will help alleviate the depression. I don't mean to belittle your pain. This is what I have to remind myself of everyday, and it's what helps get me through the darkest hours. I know that there is something out there that will improve my quality of life; I just haven't found it yet.

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I hear a lot of anger in your posts, I think I'd be angry and frustrated too if I were in your shoes. Is there any way you can think of to express any of that anger without self harming? Self harm can be great in the short term but in the long term it tends to cause more problems and I think sometimes it can get to a stage where more elaborate harm is needed to get the same relief, which can be dangerous. That is why we have the pinned topics, it's not to belittle where you are or say that the suggestions will make you feel 100% better right away. But maybe if you gave them a chance they might help relieve some stress.

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