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Started again :(

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Sorry to hear that.  Had you stopped for long? 

Does your doc know you cut?  Does s/he know you've been down lately? 

As others have said (and better than i can) cutting is an addiction.  Doesn't matter how long it's been, the blood and the relief are like a siren song.  It's hard to let go of such a strong coping mechanism.  For many of us it's been part of our daily lives for years and when we stop it leaves a gaping hole. 

But it is damaging.  It's dangerous and it only gets worse.  There are other ways of letting go of those bad feelings.  At first they may not seem as immediate or as effective, but given time they can take the place of SI.  It doesn't have to always be your "true nature". 

Do you have things you try when you want to cut to try to distract yourself?  Someone you can call?  The chat room here? 

'Good ole' Nhs run an out of hours, overnight crisis line weekdays 8.30pm- 9.30am, weekends 4.30pm-9.30am, 0845 650 1730.  Haven't rung it myself, just saw a poster for it and kept the number.  Plus, of course, samaritans and all that jazz. 

Read your posts on the ED board.  Can you call the psych and get the app moved up, or get back seeing the CPN again?  Seems things are getting worse for you.  Know the pdocs can leave you hanging for ages- they don't seem to understand the meaning of the word urgent, do they.  If you call the centre and keep insisting on seeing someone immediately, they usually have a CPN on duty.  Or at least they do at mine (also Scotland).

Please, post again.  Let us know how you're doing. 

('ex'-cutter, fell off the wagon last weekend after nearly two years- more or less...)

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about 3 weeks I think - wasn't really counting.  Yeah my doc knows I cut but doesn't know that I drink the blood too (at least i don't think they do) - my pdocs suggestion was to make a comfort box with something that satisfies each one of the senses to turn to when I feel like harming - like that's gonna work.

I don't really have ppl tht I can tlk to as such.  My mum stuggles with her own mental health and I don't wanna put more pressure on her.  My dad don't know about the SI and would kill me if he did - he doesn't even understand depression.  I don't have many friends near me - most of my friends are ppl I have met online and they never seem to be online when I need them plus I don't wanna be more of a burden than I already am.

I am a bit aprehensive of raising things with psych or CPN coz they never take me seriously and they treat me like a kid and I hate fighting all the time and never get anything for it - even when I wanted to kill myself I had to wait days for an "emergency" appt.

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  • 7 years later...

The world is out there and the world cares. It just has trouble understanding. People fall all the time the fact that you get up each time is awesome.

You may see yourself as a failure but keep in mind your achievements. Please update us on how things are now.

I've gone four years doing it to five years off and just recently had a relapse. I took it as a note that the years off I wasn't dealing with it correctly. Im working on that now. We all fall look at this board. Just always please get back up.

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