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nobody gives a shit and least of all me. Someone I spoke to yesterday said "well, there are a lot of people worse off than you"!!! I mean that just makes me want to leave the planet, period.

Suicide is the one thing that would hurt my family the most and that is what I want to do right now. They are systematically destroying me. I'm imprisoned in the same house as my mother as her carer.

Long story but I won't bore you. You've obviously got better things to be reading.

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I've been reading your posts but I've not had anything to post since I cannot take ADs. I'm sorry that things are so rough for you. My 1/2 brother offed himself in July of 2005. I cared for my mom all through her terminal bout with lung cancer after that (she died in Oct. 06) and no one really thinks of my 1/2 brother much. He had BP I. So if you're doing it for revenge, or to hurt people, it might shock them at first, but after the first year they won't think of you much. They'll get on with their lives and you won't even be a memory.

The best revenge I've found is to live and be a thorn in their side. A wart on the side of their nose. A nice big boil on the family ASS.

But that's my take on it.

I'd rather have you around.

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nope, 50 pages not necessary, i think you said it succintly and well.

so, i'm reading, how bout some more details? you getting any caretaker relief? like, at least be sure to do something nice for yourself before you go?

hell, maybe getting some relief will be enough breathing space for you to relax.

dunno, i have a bad cold & i am dumb right now.

but i read this and responded. ok?

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Please hold on.

All these situations are temporary. But a decision to end your life is pretty permanent.

I know it sucks and feels like it will never get good again. BUT IT WILL. Life is constantly changing and that gives me hope. NO matter how crappy it is right now, it won't stay that way forever.

Hugs.

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hmm, I read your post. You shouldn't kill yourself to make a statement others; they aren't worth it. You won't be around to see the "effect" You won't be stuck with your mother forever. The older you get, the less family can be blamed for your situation, no matter how justified. Suicide shouldn't be a card to be played in a game with your family. You screw yourself more than they do so it would let them win. Age will take your life soon enough anyway. Getting out of that house is worthwhile, though.

Anyway, would like to hear from you again, good luck

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one of my college professors had a girlfriend when he was younger who killed herself when they broke up. he just thought she was a freak with mental problems (at the time, now he understands MI).

you've got to live your life. living isn't about other people liking you, and dying isn't about pissing people off. but as maddy said, if you must have a reason, you can live to piss people off ;)

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nobody gives a shit and least of all me. Someone I spoke to yesterday said "well, there are a lot of people worse off than you"!!! I mean that just makes me want to leave the planet, period.

i've had people say this to me before. it just makes me more depressed, makes me think about people in places like darfur, etc. and it makes me feel guilty about having emotions... and that's just wrong. no one needs guilt.

to the person who said that to you, i say screw you and hope that one day they learn empathy.

Suicide is the one thing that would hurt my family the most and that is what I want to do right now. They are systematically destroying me. I'm imprisoned in the same house as my mother as her carer.

Long story but I won't bore you. You've obviously got better things to be reading.

please don't kill yourself.

i want to hear more about what is going on with you. do that instead of killing yourself. don't kill yourself to spite them, even if they are hurting you.

best,

penny

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My mother kept all of us slave while she lived in self imposed bed-ridden complete tyranny, since I was 10. I am permanently the black sheep because I ran away., something that she never let me forget. Doing yourself in to hurt the family is a wasted gesture. I was my mothers complete slave, I know where you are. I think you will get the best milage out of leaving the nest and having a fabulous life.

And no, we won't be bored to death by a long story..most of have one anyway., so spill

Empathy and squeezes

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Thank you all for your support. I was very touched and overwhelmed by the concensus that staying alive will hurt them more than dying. I hadn't realized that. I was in such a dark place. I don't feel much better today but am going to my support group tomorrow night. They've been great.

I lived in the US for 22 years until Nov 05 when my mum got sick. I gave up the best job I'd ever had and tons of friends to come back and take care of mum because no one in the family would do it. Turns out she's not as sick as they thought but i'm now stuck and can't return to the US. I am on disability myself now here in the UK so can't get any other job. And have no social life.

Moving out would mean being on the council's waiting list for housing for about 2 years!

What's upset me is that my US driving licence ran out and I've still been using the car for groceries and running mum about to appts etc. My psycho sister drove up here at 10pm on Sat night and took the car so I can't drive it. I sent in my app for my Provisional Licence (so I can take lessons) 6 months ago. I have to take a British driving test to be able to drive here! Fucking stupid country!!! I've been driving for 25 years in the US nad here. It's taking so long because I had to be honest and tick the "Medical Issues" box and fill out a special form. I've called but they haven't decided yet! Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

The car is in my mum's name but it was my sanctuary and I used to sit in the parking lot of the grocery store and play music and smoke and just feel safe and relaxed.

Sleeping is the only thing to do now. I was having a great time studying Reiki but now I can't get to my teacher.

I shouldn't have come back here. I feel trapped and don't know how to get out.

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hi ya Vivi i have a carer i know how hard it must be for you! it sucks how ppl dont come to the forefront and put there hand up to care? but you did cuz your special and something good will come out of all this but in the meantime do some nice things fer yaself you still have needs too ...... OJ

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Vivi,

I am in the UK, and where we are there are a few carers associations that can provide respite care for people who are sick, so their carers can have some time off. Would that be a possibility for you?

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Vivi,

I am in the UK, and where we are there are a few carers associations that can provide respite care for people who are sick, so their carers can have some time off. Would that be a possibility for you?

My mum won't go into any kind of care she wd want to stay in the house. We have 2 dogs so I'd love to ship her off somewhere for a week or 2!!

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Sleeping is the only thing to do now. I was having a great time studying Reiki but now I can't get to my teacher.

I shouldn't have come back here. I feel trapped and don't know how to get out.

no words of advice but im in sort of the same place as you and all i want to do is get in bed and never get out again. ive been caring for my 2 youngs children who've been chronically sick for 5 months and i dont just FEEL trapped. i AM trapped.

theyre my kids and i should love them and all i should want to do is care for them. but its wearing me down and i feel unless they get well, theres no out anytime soon. trapped...

i hope things start to look up for you soon. know youre not alone. and tonight when i crying myself to sleep, i'll think of you and you'll be MY 'not alone' person. {{hugs}}

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Whenever I want to kill myself I just try to think of something ridiculous to take my mind off it. Try picturing Tom Cruise when he was on Oprah, or even better, pretend that you ARE Tom Cruise.. Just say to yourself,

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When I first read your post I thought "Well myg oodness...Someone is seriously pissed off!"

Hell! You sure are and WITH DAMN GOOD REASON.

I would be too in your situation.

Resentment, betrayal, anger, frustration, feeling trapped, lied too....ACK!

You have every right to be totally and completely LIVID...just try not to direct those emotions at YOURSELF.

I am glad you have a group to go to. Is there anything you can do to improve the social situation?

I would offer some more advise, but I tend to not be helpful in situations like this.....because if I were in your shoes, my mom would be out on the street and my sister would be in jail for auto theft.

At least you have internet...a place to vent...some people who can validate your feelings. DAMN! I am pissed off FOR you just thinking about your situation!!

This happened to a girlfriend of mine. Her dad pulled this "I'm dying! I need you home" thing so she quit her job, took her 2 year old out of school and moved back to German to help take care of him. Turned out that he did have a mild heart attack, but was FINE and just wanted have her near him. It took her 2 years to get back here. While in German she eneded up living in a crappy tiny with no heat so she had to chop wood every day for heat and hot water. After 20 years of living in the US and having a 7-11 on every corner, she said it really made her crazy. Plus her poor daughter had to learn a whole new language with no extra help at age 5.

Ironically, when her dad really DID get sick, she couldn't make it back to see him because her German passpost had expired and the German beaurocracy didn't allow her to renew it before he died.

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