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How to feel sexy when you are a blob


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yeah yeah, I've tried the goddess with in thing to death. It doesn't change the fact that I have a bunch of extra weight and my mate is disinterested and would rather look at Met-Art. Can I blame him?? I don't, I just feel ugly as a bucket of assholes. Any suggestions from other lush ladies (or gents) I need help on how to feel sexy no matter what I weigh. I love my boo and miss all of our love play and cuddles (among other things) I don't have an exact weight, but I'm in the 170-ish range. And I want to be 40 odd pounds lighter....help ;) I'm drowning in loneliness. He is sitting across from me, within touching range and I might as well be on the moon

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Okay, you have to maximize your assets and cover up the not-so-great bits. If your boobs have plumped up, get a good sexy bra, or a nighty that looks good and is low-cut.

Shower, wash your hair and brush your teeth. (He should, too---but at this point you probably don't care if he stinks) heh

If you can cook, make him a good meal. That might mellow him a little. Then don your outfit, tie yourself to the headboard of the bed and call him into the bedroom.

he he he

reddog might have some suggestions, too.

Also, there is not a man I know who can resist a BJ. heh Can we talk about this stuff here? You kids, get outta here!

olga

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Panz, I completely relate as well as I can from inside my head.

So embarrassed by my weight gain (175ish- steadily going up since pre-menopause) and now being afraid to even approach him. His libido is not high anyway, but if I made overtures he would be there.... The sad thing is that when he is the least bit affectionate, like a little rub on the shoulder, I stiffen and can't respond.

Like you, I feel impossibly ugly. Much as I want to excercise, I can't get going. Depression keeps me rooted.

but also, I'm just afraid, and I don't know why.

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Oh, I just reread your post and my thing is not like yours. I want to feel like I want to, and on some level i do, but I think i have nothing to offer you. Sorry.

A therapist once told me to look around at all the overweight couples, then asked- do you think they don't have and enjoy sex together? When he brought it up again, it was one of the reasons I dumped him. Unbearable to talk about.

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are you withdrawing because you don't feel sexy? (what you see as his disinterest, may just be his reaction to your withdrawl) i tend to do that. the withdrawl, and thinking they aren't interested. and 100% of the time i have been told by my partners that *they* think i am perfectly sexy and attractive, thin, fat and everywhere in between. it's just been my own self loathing that's tainted the romance department.

olga has good advice about prettying yourself up and focusing on your assets. when i feel gross, i put on my sweats, which makes me feel even grosser, and then i eat cookies to self soothe, and you can see the vicious cycle ...

#1, buy clothes that fit. nothing makes a person feel fatter than trying to squeeze into clothes that are too small, and then feeling like a stuffed sausage. #2, don't scrimp on health & beauty. do your hair, your makeup, put on your jewelry, something silky. do all the pretty girly things you would do if you were at the weight you feel like you want to be.

think Queen Latifah. That woman is in no way small, but she is gorgeous, and glamorous, and carries herself regally as befits her name.

now go have a mani/pedi!

good luck hon. (i know this is a tough one!)

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i'm 5'4 and when i was on zyprexa, went up to about 150ish. i felt so ugly. my bf was still interested, and i still got a lot of male attention, but i could have been santa clause for all as attractive as i felt.

my bf is a photographer and asked me to model for him for an article about people in america who are fat because they eat too much fast food :) i'm vegan and don't touch fast food! i just took zyprexa! boy, did that make me feel hot.

so while he didn't have a problem in the bedroom department, he clearly thought i was at least chubby.

but, back to the subject at hand- i like the idea of finding "large" role models. women who have "fat" acceptance, who are "big" and proud. i think that's the only way to deal with it. maximize what is hot, like probably your chest, and something that shows your butt as curvacious and sexy. sexy doesn't have to be little.

i think sexy is attitude. sexy is getting over there and making the move. :cussing: olga is right on- men can't resist food, hot boobs, and BJs. This is R rated kids! ;)

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woohoo! sex talk :)

i actually have nothing else to add, i just couldn't resist posting on such a fun topic. i think everyone had great advice. especially the good fitting clothes. i'm quite thin and i feel nasty chunky if i wear tight pants and squooge out over the top. ick. no one can feel sexy like that!!!

maybe you could flirt with your boy the way i do with nate.... i kneel between his legs and play with him while i tell him stories about things he could be doing to me if he'd get off the computer and drag me into the bedroom. ;)

abi

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woohoo! sex talk :cussing:

i actually have nothing else to add, i just couldn't resist posting on such a fun topic. i think everyone had great advice. especially the good fitting clothes. i'm quite thin and i feel nasty chunky if i wear tight pants and squooge out over the top. ick. no one can feel sexy like that!!!

maybe you could flirt with your boy the way i do with nate.... i kneel between his legs and play with him while i tell him stories about things he could be doing to me if he'd get off the computer and drag me into the bedroom. ;)

abi

:wtf: that should do the trick..heehee, why didn't I think of it sooner :) I say a jolly good way to get his attention off of Lara Croft. Everyone needs a good shag, and I'm over due

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:) that should do the trick..heehee, why didn't I think of it sooner ;) I say a jolly good way to get his attention off of Lara Croft. Everyone needs a good shag, and I'm over due

*grins* yea! have fun!!!

abi

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1 word: Excersize

Even if I am still fat (and I am), I still feel HEALTHIER overall and that makes me feel sexy. Walking...dance class...water aerobics, whatever...just get moving several times a week.

FWIW, I am 6' tall and 240 lbs. My ideal weight is around 190. So, yeah, I have 50lbs to lose. My husband's weight has also gone up and down over the last 20 years. Fat or skinny, he is still my hunky stud muffin!

The extra weight has not effected my sex life one bit. Love is so much more than pysical. Hell, I just got laid a few minutes ago! ;) Nookie....yummmmmm!

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I'm 5ft 6 and over 200lb, my boyfriend is overweight too. Fat people have sex, fat people have fun sex. Exercise is good, eating healthily, all that crap, but for dealing with right now you just gotta keep telling yourself you are sexy! So you have a few extra pounds, that doesn't define you, it doesn't make you a non-sexual being. Sex is fun whatever weight you are, and the more you have the more your libedo increases. Remember your boyfriend loves YOU, not a weight.

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I've found that there are stores that cater to making plus sized women look super sexy. Torrid is one of these stores. They sell everything from clothes to undergarments. And I know that I look and feel more sexy when I am wearing clothes that are designed for plus sized women than when I am trying to squeeze into small clothes.

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If you haven't already read 'The Fat Girls Guide to Life' by Wendy Shanker, it's a total must read. She has a fab chapter on sex and being fat that I go back to every time I freak out about the size of my tummy and the thought of getting naked with someone again. Really helped me put things into perspective. You can also give yourself a bit of a laugh and play "Feed the model' here if it will cheer you up. I find wearing pretty (but comfy) underwear, making sure I use body lotion, wearing some make up and having nice hair all make me feel sexy. I think sexy can be a package, it can be someone's sense of humour or intelligence or anything, it's not just a body shape issue.

Thanks Karuna, I'll give it a read. I have a lot of body shame any way. And have a hard time seeing through the maze of humiliation and abuse to see what I REALLY look like. So I'll try everything that might help.

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  • 5 weeks later...

1. You are you, and your weight doesn't determine your sexiness.

2. Holy shit you're sexy!

3. Say this to yourself every time you think badly of yourself.

4. I'm 200+ (I stopped weighing because it doesn't matter because I eat good and get a bit of exercise) and I'm super-sexy.

....and if you feel this way and your pdoc says your hypomanic, don't listen, haha.

But seriously, read a bunch of pro-fat books, and you'll start feeling awesome.

I found Fat Chicks Rule totally empowering.

Love yourself for who you are, get some exercise, if your weight goes down, then it's cool, but if not, it's still you.

He's the one with the problem if he doesn't find you sexy.

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