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fed up with the pole dance


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Right now I'm in a pit of depression and my brain is just going along the lines that I fuck everything up and I'd be better off dead. Deep down I know that's not true but I still feel that way a lot of the time. I'm currently unmedicated because I haven't been able to get more meds since my OD which explains a lot but you can't rationalise your way out of feeling suicidal. I will be able to get more meds on Monday (I hope) but that doesn't help me now when it's Saturday night and I'm sitting in hell.

I'm sick of living alone, I've found a great place to live right round the corner from my boyfriend (who I currently spend 70% of the time with anyway) but I need to negotiate my way out of my current contract, and the worst case scenario is I'll owe them four months' rent (

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Not much advice from me on this, but I am glad you were able to vent. There were therapy things my hubby was told to do during his depression episode while waiting for his meds to kick in...you could try some of them if you are up to it....little things to get you through the weekend.

1. get some exercise...walking if nothing else

2. fish oil. It's cheap and does help many people with brain cooties (2000mg/day)

3. more sunlight...could go with the exercise or you can get full spectrum light bulbs pretty cheap now days

Another suggestion...instead of calling your boyfriend up to talk about your emotions, call him up to talk to him about HIS thoughts/feelings/ideas. Or call him just to say something nice or to offer to DO something for HIM. It might help you break out of the pattern of focusing on your depression. Plus it will help you feel like less of a crappy person. (Not that you really ARE one, but I know that thought is running through your head, and doing something nice for someone else is a good way to get out of that loop.) Spread some good karma.

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this is what i don't understand- it is a very, very well known fact that untreated bipolar people have a 15-20% rate of suicide. that is HUGE!!!! to me, it is much less of a risk to give you small quantities of your meds and make you go to the pharmacy to get them often than to leave you unmedicated. you are at risk.

try to convince your pdoc that this is a risk and to try to get you on medication, in a way s/he can feel good about.

keep safe. don't be afraid to distract yourself when you feel bad. WZ had some great ideas about ways you can make yourself feel better. i'd add a sun lamp as another form of light therapy, since you live in the UK where there isn't a lot of sun.

be careful with the light though, and talk to your pdoc about it- my pdoc won't let me have it because he's afraid it will turn me manic. but then again, you're unmedicated, so it could just bring you up to normal.

appreciate your supportive bf. make sure you treat him right.

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Thanks for the responses, and a.m. for paragraphing my ramble. I'm trying to follow some of the advice and it seems to be helping, not feeling very good today but not totally awful.

karuna - I did have an appointment with the CMHT for tomorrow, but they wrote to me on Friday and said it had been postponed until the 23rd. I'm moving this week (and frantically ringing round all my mates with cars or I'm going to have to pay a removal team about

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for the first few months following my diagnosis, i was given prescriptions in one-week increments. if the psychiatrist you finally track down balks at giving you the medications you're accustomed to and think would help because of the overdose, perhaps you could suggest short prescriptions. it means you don't get a huge stockpile of tempting medication all at once, and you really would have to work to accumulate enough to do damage with most medications -- making it somewhat more likely that even at your most suicidal, you will actually take some on schedule instead of hoarding.

how have you been past doing this week? have you been able to track down a doctor? how was your moving experience and how has that affected you? i hope the change of scenery (and does this put you closer to your boyfriend?) helps you achieve balance with your moods.

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