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This might be better off in the "Good Stuff" forum, but since it's related to hormones, I thought it would get the most appreciation here. It's probably been well-rotated around the 'net, but I just saw it. I laughed my ass while reading it. Enjoy!

AN OPEN LETTER TO

MR. JAMES THATCHER,

BRAND MANAGER,

PROCTER & GAMBLE.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't.

Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's ***** into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal

maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahl

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  • 2 months later...

thanks to pcos-like metabolic problems induced by former meds, just having any period would automatically be a happy period, for me.

nevertheless, this letter was some top-quality funnies.

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Haha! I had similar thoughts when I saw the TV ad campaign with the same slogan. I immediately knew that whoever came up with it must have been a guy or some woman who deserves a slap from each woman who's never had a happy period. ;)

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  • 2 weeks later...

All of a sudden I'm seeing these commercials all the time. Who the fuck has a happy period? I don't care how wonderful the "feminine hygiene" product is... there isn't anything "happy" about it!

ETA: I don't use Always products, but I can assure you that if I did, these commercials would be enough to make me switch brands!!

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