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;) I need to learn to deal with strong emotions that doesn't involve drinking buckets of wine. I had almost escaped my binge and was feeling like I might live and I started drinking again. I hate this. I hate addictions. Sometimes I can tell what triggered me and started the binge and other times I have no clue. Addictions are stupid

Just a mini rant.

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I relapsed on friday ... after being clean for almost 4 weeks after 6 months of hard drinking. I'm aiming to dry out again tomorrow. I've only had a beer and a half today so its not like i'm totally frazzled. Well that and a crapload of codeine.

I'm pissed off at myself because it was totally knee-jerk reaction to a pile of stressful things that happened - but the wheels started into motion for me a week and a half ago, I just couldn't cope with the big empty void that i've been feeling thats been getting progressively worse since I dried out. I'm bpd and I have major feelings of emptiness and ... well ... depressed boredom ...

Anyways. I understand where you're coming from, but its all just about constant improvement, right? Being honest with yourself and not beating yourself up too much when you f*ck up, but at the same time not letting yourself off the hook too easily.

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yeah ... good luck...

I at least have lost the interest in constant bingeing. I'll have an isolated binge on the weekend but I don't have the ambition to keep going. I'll binge and then go back to a beer here and then (which doesn't really let me go back to AA...) ...

So I have alot of respect for you getting back to meetings.

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