another transfer patient

[ceruleanblues]

hey, i hate writing these but then again i also hate just jumping in anywhere on a new forum. i hate writing these things because i feel like an ass spouting off about myself but here goes.

i'm also coming here from insanecity. i was on crazymeds also since last summer but they banned me... twice. genuinely autistic people don't lie, so that's all right with me. i've got no use for it now so i won't be signing up again.

the basic rundown of my diagnoses is in my signature. i'm currently taking dopamax 400mg, wellbutrin xl 300mg, lexapro 10mg, and imitrex 100mg tabs prn. i'm soon to be adding lamictal to the cocktail, possibly. and yes i realize i should not take wellbutrin. i've been through that hundreds of times with many people. i've thought of adding a benzo to take the edge off the anxiety but i'm really beginning to overmedicate myself. i don't think i need the lexapro. i hate ssri's with a passion. i also take a vegan multi, l-tyrosine, 5-htp, huperzine-a, and soon to take b-12 instant release and thiamine at the alcohol withdrawl threapuetic dosage (100mg followed by 100mg) as i am not quite recovered from a bout of advanced delerium tremens.

so i'm 25 years old. i'm broke and i can't keep a job. for the last 5 years i've been a vagabond. i've been homeless the majority of the time. when i say homeless, i don't mean parking it on a friend's couch. i mean, sleeping outside, no tent, no bridge, no tarp- blankets- if i was lucky. i've spent too many nights sleeping in the oregon rain. there isn't enough cardboard to be collected that will last the night and keep one dry.

i became homeless because i left an asshole ex who cracked my skull and gave me a huge blood clot which required surgery. this caused my epilepsy. before that i was just a pissed off depressed borderline who couldn't stay steady on anorexia or bulimia and forgot to focus on anything of actual importance. i refused to grow up (anorexia/ calvin + hobbes syndrome) plus i had an obsession with the profane to excess (bulimia/ addictions).

then i latched onto even worse and married it. divorce is in the very near future. i was brainwashed for years. and i was insane. now i'm just psychotic and disgusted. i'm not even the worst off in my family. i've been trying to save everyone to no avail. i'm a questor by the very heart of my personality.

i plan on being a starving artist and never getting a real job. i've gone through too much red tape and been fucked over by the system too much. (if i had posted that, this post would be pages long)i'll collect disability and unemployment until then. and anyhow, once i make a name for myself, i can charge more.

so that's me, in a nutshell

ana

[Velvet Elvis]

Hi.

I've never written and introduction. It's hardly obligatory.

I suppose I could do it now but that would be really stupid.

You're definitely better off here than over there anyway.

It's not the best idea to combine 5-htp and lexapro.

I really need to sleep and can can currently only express myself in single sentence paragraphs.

[dan]

I really need to sleep and can can currently only express myself in single sentence paragraphs.

I never knew you did the can can so maybe an introduction is in order...

Hi Ceruleanblues,

What sort of art do you make?

There's lots of painters around here, though most will deny it.

I get called a painter, though that term is debatable.

Wab is the master artist round here, her actual nic is rabbit37 I think, but she's wab... I'm sure she'll be round here soon once she se's the "A" word (artist).

welcome

[ceruleanblues]

You're definitely better off here than over there anyway.

i'd assume that would pretty much be the concenses here given the history between sites, though i know very little about it. still, i've hardly posted much here and i can already tell i wasted way too much time over there. i already alluded to why in my above post.

It's not the best idea to combine 5-htp and lexapro.

it doesn't do anything for me as it is. the 5-htp was to help me sleep and it doesn't seem to work anymore. the lexapro was for apathy. yes, i took it for that desired effect. and it doesn't seem to work anymore either. really, i took it because my former pdoc wouldn't let me go higher than 300mg on the wellbutrin when it was she who had previously prescribed me 450mg. and i shouldn't be taking that either. i need to get the whole line of meds ammended really.

ana

[ceruleanblues]

Hi Ceruleanblues,

What sort of art do you make?

There's lots of painters around here, though most will deny it.

my skill is in pencil. i do portraits. i'm completely self taught and only recently started painting. my most recent peice of art was in 2004. this is because i was homeless and i didn't exactly have a desk or money for supplies. i had a place to stay when i drew this last piece. and i scarcely did anything for a long while. as far as right now, i have some supplies but i have no paper! i have 70 cents to my name until i might possibly get approved for unemployment. i've seriously thought of flying a kite that reads "starving artist needs supplies"

ana

p.s. this is what i did in '04.... i had to take it sideways to not show the glare from the flash. i have another one taken with a different digital camera (8mega pixels instead of 5) and it's got a soft lense so it doesn't show a flash glare, but it has to be uploaded by the owner in virginia (my mom) and then emailed to me and she doesn't know how to use it yet.

[dan]

i've seriously thought of flying a kite that reads "starving artist needs supplies"

I've seen much worse buskers. There's one guy in my city that just sits with a guitar (doesn't play it) and a sign saying "help with change or acomodation"

If you have supplies, do you have chalk pastels? You could do portraits on the sidewalk instead of flying a kite. That's common ractice in Melbourne, there's some real talent that gets washed away in the rain everday!

Judging by your sig and painting you like animals too?

You should fit in well round here!

[ceruleanblues]

by a certain point being homeless, i sunk to resorting to flying kites daily. when you haven't anything else to do, you might as well stand there doing nothing in hopes of gaining something, right? that was the logic, anyhow. i never made much. although, enough to stay buzzed drunk and a motel room every so often. the drunkeness was to fill the long days and to keep warm. i think people didn't believe i was homeless because i look like i'm 14 even now and i'm 25.

do i love animals?? do i? i can't tell you just how much i do love animals! i've been mostly vegan for the last (going on) 7 years. only mostly because it really is impossible to stay vegan when you're homeless. i did stay vegetarian though so i dislike hearing people complain that it's too difficult to do so. i grew up avaoiding human contact and speaking to animals (yet another calivin and hobbes example). i want a dog so much. i came to this house this summer and turned patches, the cat, from a scrawny ill taken care of little thing who was never given any affection, to a happy, well adjested, content, and fed.

i noticed the animal lovers here and i'm glad to have been introduced to this board.

ana

(i think i may have oil pastels but that's it)

[scatty]

Welcome to the best mental health board on the internet. This is the only board I bother visiting nowadays.