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something happens you never in the world expect...and you react in a way you never expect.

then again, you remember having simialr reactions long ago....childhood, teenage, early adult....

or am i just telling myself it is so?

i seem to be telling myself things again. off and on. and i keep ending up not believing things i tell myself. not believing things other people believe.

it confuses me to think this way. but, by god, i am sure i am right.

how do you know you are on the wrong side of reality? if you think you might be, does that mean you're not?

even if your inner self is trying to tell you that maybe what you are thinking is wrong.....and the other inner voice is telling you that , yes, you ARe right and the other voice is wrong?

but, it is the same voice. it's not feeling like different voices or parts of myself. it feels like the angel and devil thing over my shoulders. but, neither one is an angel or devil...that is just an analogy i am using to try and explain what it feels like.

an inner argument. one side is winning more than the other. but it seems as if maybe that side is goofy because it doesnt look like anyone else is thinking this way. if they are, they are hiding it well.

can you tell me if this is some kind of thing that might have a name? i am so confused and my head is spinning and i am scared and i am begging both sides...

god, i dont know what i am talking about.

is this something anyone has gone thru??? or is it me??

i need help with this....tell me if it's a thing or if it's me...ok? anyone?

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thanks karuna~

i have a p-doc. i think i see him a couple of weeks. i don't take as many mesd as i used to. and, i have been on just about everyone, i swear. anyway, i just had the trazadone taken away and just a .5 increase in lamictal. but, the lamictal is mostly for seizures, but it is cool cuz it helps with bp, too. now i take lamictal, effexor, amitriptyline and duradrin onlywhen i need it.

i just dont know what to think of myself. it's hard for me to tell a doc, too. there is always that fear that they will want to put you inpatient . i have been there enogh and i do not ever want to go back. i dont think i need to, but ya just never know what those docs are thinking.

i guess i want to see if i can figure this out and straighten myself out.

i dont know.

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  • 2 weeks later...

thanks karuna~

i have a p-doc. i think i see him a couple of weeks. i don't take as many mesd as i used to. and, i have been on just about everyone, i swear. anyway, i just had the trazadone taken away and just a .5 increase in lamictal. but, the lamictal is mostly for seizures, but it is cool cuz it helps with bp, too. now i take lamictal, effexor, amitriptyline and duradrin onlywhen i need it.

i just dont know what to think of myself. it's hard for me to tell a doc, too. there is always that fear that they will want to put you inpatient . i have been there enogh and i do not ever want to go back. i dont think i need to, but ya just never know what those docs are thinking.

i guess i want to see if i can figure this out and straighten myself out.

i dont know.

Jimmy its normal to question yourself and question your treatment. I also understand your fears of being committed - I have similar fears I guess. You sound like a good person with good intentions and I wish you all the best in your quest to get things right. Don't lose hope because becoming asymptomatic is a realistic goal and a good psychiatrist should help you get there eventually.

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