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driving myself crazy


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Okay, so we all know I did a stupid thing and just simply didn't go into work the other day. I can live with that. I'm sure I can find another job. I've been looking.

So, yesterday, I have two *major* urges.

First, I want to throw a few things in my car that's falling a part and just head West until it won't drive anymore. Leave everyone and everything Virginia behind... Including my daughter (who is also unemployed) and my niece who is staying with me (also unemployed but soon to be joining the Navy). That impulse was so strong, I'm surprised I'm still here.

Then, I go and apply to a local college and for the federal funding to be able to attend said college. If I start college, I know I'll stay here as long as the funding holds out. I can't start something and not finish it... I really want to go to college and get my Bachelor's. That's something I've been thinking about for a long time. Yesterday, I just up and applied online.

I don't know if I'm coming or going!!!!

It's really *really* confusing me.

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I vote go to college rather than running away from home. At least have a reasonable plan for running away from home, not just "Step 1: get into car. Step 2: Drive until not recognizable). JOb would be good. Want mine? It's only in NJ not too far.

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Well at least you went with something consrtuctive rather than destructive. It sounds like you are super stressed out and reaching out in all directions for some relief- what to do to feel like you are making some progress, maybe after quitting your job? I think it's good that you are signing up to take classes. Make sure it's something you really want to do and a pressure you can handle. If so- good for you. It's really a positive thing. I'm not surprised you feel all over the place right now after having quit your job, but after you find a new one I'm sure some order will return to your life.

Leaving your job is a stressful thing and I wouldn't be sure quite where I was headed either, but it sounds like you are deciding and making steps to get where you want to be. Even if you feel like you are doing so impulsively. Sometimes you have to just throw yourself into whatever it is you want to do. It can be confusing and not always the way you plan, but you still get things done. At least you are going in the direction of school and not away from everything else.

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I think it's not just that I quit, it's more like how I quit... I've never done anything quite so irresponsible before. I mean I've never just not showed up for work. That's what's thrown me off I think.

I'm hoping that I will even out soon. I don't like these conflicting urges (still getting the urge to run away from home - talk about irresponsible). *sigh*

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