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a really bad night.


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i had a really good day. it doesn't make sense why i did it. today was my last day at work, everyone was nice and i got cake. i did a bunch of organizing things to get ready for school. chilled a little. nothing bad.

so i take my sonata and call my SO. and the sonata starts working and i forget that i'm taking a drug for sleeping DUH but no i go take a bath instead.

the bath felt really nice with the addition of the sonata. all floaty and warm.  kind of like me right now, because i took another sonata after the whole ordeal was over. anyway. i wanted to be productive and shave my legs because i'd let them grow rather long this time. the sonata made me reaaaally into shaving them. i took forever. i was taking pride in my work. then i decided to keeping going and shave what else? my ladyparts. it took forever to get it all just right and (keep in mind that i'm doing this for my boyfriend's benefit) unfortunately, perfection is never reached. as i leaned back to  see how things were going, i was horrifed. it looked terrible. i hadn't been this bald since i was born and i hated it. i sank lower into the bathtub water. all i could think of was how much my SO would hate it too. so i grabbed my trusty razor and i made 18 cuts on my thighs, right at the place where the skin folds and turns into your pubic area. all fairly deep (deep enough to see the fat underneath the skin, or what looks like fat). i was intent on killing myself but then my SO called and interrupted me, and i realized how dumb i was being. i have to go to the beach in a few days, too. i'm an idiot.

i don't know what i posted this.

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oh honey. you did have a bad night. but it's over now and big hugs for having the balls to post.

hmm. keep your wounds closed. that is one high-movement, sweaty area. make sure you tape them up and cover them good and proper. maybe a pair of boyleg panties would be good to hold down a dressing and keep things from being all rubbed.

beach ... boardshorts!

i've done the sphinx thing before, (waxed, though), and all I can say is keep yourself moisturised because it can get really really itchy growing back. and it's not very attractive sticking your hands down your pants every five minutes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't think I've posted on this section of the board before but I have a long SI history (am doing better with the SI now).

Anyway, I'm really sorry to hear about your evening. I read about a study where they found that Xanax actually INCREASED SI, either by decreasing inhibition or b/c of panic when it worse off. I take Ambien and have often worried about SI-ing after I take it...b/c I know I'm not thinking clearly. Im sure Sonata's the same that way. Now I try to take Ambien only after I'm physically in bed. Maybe that could help prevent this type of cutting in the future?

As for the beach, boy short bottoms and skirted bottoms are in right now. Make sure you keep the edges of the wound together (with butterfly strips or liquid bandaid) and clean and disinfected. If the cuts are gaping or look infected, please get it checked out. You might feel silly, but it's better than getting very ill.

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