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I can't stand the pain any longer


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when my mum goes to bed this morning i'm going to take enough pills so that when she gets up at 2pm i will be gone. She even watched me write my suicide note after I told her I was going to kill myself and that I didn't deserve to live.

Sorry, pain is too much and never stops. I'm in constant pain it will never go away. I'm so lonely too and I'll never find my soul mate i've been looking for years. Doesn't help being a lesbian either. Makes it worse.

Thanks for all your support but it's time. I'm going to be 50 this year and it's all downhill from here. I have no means of supporting myself either here in the UK or back in the US. I'm in the way. I caused a lot of trouble in this family and I hate them all. So now my worst nightmare has come true and I really am stuck here in Belper with my mum forever. I can't do that.

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i am sorry you are in so much pain.

the thing is, you never know what is going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or next month that you would never want to miss out on. maybe next week there will be a day that you will say "i'm so happy to be alive!!".... for whatever reason. if you opt out now, your chances of happiness are zero.

i know all this sounds trite when you feel like this. i'm close to being there too. please hang on.

-lysergia

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vivi,

please do anything but this. come here and write more to us. tell your mum. something. have you ever tried chat? I would get on there with you. so many of us have been there. i am in a city where being a lesbian is easier than most places, but i understand that it can make things so much harder. even here it's harder.

this might seem like the only option but you are really hurting and even if you've been thinking a long long time about it and it makes all the sense in the world, it is not the answer. please get help any way you can. if you take pills CALL SOMEONE RIGHT AWAY. please. being 50 is still so young. you do deserve help. i'm sorry that things aren't better there for help.

please write again if you can.

pj

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Vivi,

Please, take 5 minutes and read this 1 page: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

It has helped me several times.

Don't harm yourself. No matter what you think, you will hurt those who love you more than you will ever now. They will suffer the pain and broken heart for the rest of their lives.

What you are feeling is the pain of the illness speaking. But it is a temporary thing and there are meds that can help you.

- Go to A&E/ER

- Get a friend or relative to take you to hospital

- Call your emergency number and tell them you are suicidal. They WILL help you, I promise.

- Go stay with a friend or relative who will help you stay safe.

- Tomorrow, call your psychiatrist and therapist and let them know you are suicidal.

Heed my personal rule: Never make big decisions at night or when tired. Things will look better in the morning light with a cup of coffee.

Let us know how you are doing.

a.m.

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Please let us know that you are ok.

The first thing you need to do is go to hospital or emergency visit with psychiatrist.

Once you feel better, and it may take a while, your therapist should be able to help you take steps toward not living with your mum anymore since it is obvious you don't want to. You have the right to do what will make you happy. Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking otherwise.

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