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here is a brief summary of what is driving me insane at the moment.

i hate my shrink, i know 90% of this is my personality disorder talking there might be 10% of me that has a right to be pissed off.

i tried to call my shrink last week cause i just havent been feeling well at all, i self harm a lot and i really wanted to do it. i begged for an emergency appointment, and was told if there was any cancellations they would call.

no call, which honestly i was surprised normally he will see me when i call for an emergency cause i am a bit of a mess. so no call equalled MASSIVE fear of abandoment issues with me. he promised never to leave me, and always be there when i needed help.

so that was last week.

sunday night i go out to eat a meal with a friend. i get all dizzy and light headed standing in the line to go in. i ask for water and thats all i remember next thing i know i am on a chair with all waitstaff mking a fuss over me. my friend drives me home.

i go straight to bed and i feel real sea sick like my body is moving when i am laying still. then i try and close my eyes and all i can hear is people screaming at me. couldnt make out any words just "help'

started to see things as well just mainly flashing lights that arent there no one else can see.

saw my gp he increased my antipsychotic. i dont know what the hell is going on. i have to wait til friday to see the shrink and i dont want to go to hospital to be committed.

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there could have been a mix up with your pdoc's secretaries. I know that the person who sets up the appts for my doc is a ditz and very often gets crap wrong and wont get back to you at a reasonable time, if even at all.

make sure to tell the pdoc about the change your gp made, first things first....

also, make sure that you are taking care of yourself, mind and body. lack of eating and/or lack of nutrients can cause major issues.... as well as lack of sleep.

be well

~O

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thanks o, your advice is always helpful. the doc has given me the next three days off work til friday when i can see the shrink to sort this out because i am not sleeping well at all which is making my symptoms worse i would guess, or at least not helping them.,

so i tell my mum i am having time off, probably just a day. and her reply

"wait until your really sick"

WTF!!!!!!! when will she learn that mental illness is being sick! its just as legitamate reason to have a day off as the flu or common cold. ARGHHHH

but thats a whole other issue!

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don't let your mother bother you. your main concern at the moment is your own health. my parents never get anything, which is why they really do not know all that much and just think that I am a lazy, sometimes "sad," self-centered, self-indulged, tempermental bitch.... oh well. just do what you need to do and fuck the outside.

along with getting your meds all in order, maybe it wouldnt be such a bad thing to get an actual full work up by your GP (if you haven't already, of course). I just... some of what you said about your episode rang true with some things that have been going on with me. I don't know what it can be attributed to, psych, overall health, I do not know. I am away from my main docs at the moment and have been for months, but... ehhh, docs get difficult with me. anyway, i just think that you should look at all of the options that it can be. what have your sleeping habits been like? have you been eating? ya know.... stuff like that. I dont know, just to cover the bases and make sure that you are okay....

be well....

~O

sorry if this post doesn't make sense 100% of the time... it is almost 5AM.... :::sigh:::

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what you doing up at 5am???

this may sound silly but i had cut out drinking soft drinking, diet and normal and have only just started drinking them again, and i think that might have something to do with it maybe.

my eating isnt regular, one day i will not eat hardly anything and exercise like crazy, the next i will binge big time on anything with sugar or fat in it. partly due to my eating disorder, but i think more to do with my major mood swings, going from one day feeling really positive, to the next dying of negative. and snapping between them so quickly.

the gp today checked my pulse, and blood pressure etc and all was normal which kinda leads me to believe it could be more due to mental reasons.

i have been getting REALLY bad headaches, i'd go as far as saying migraines. i cant stand the light, i feel like someone has punched me and broken my jaw its that painful.

i went to my support group tonight but i cant seem to express myself clearly to get across whats going on

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