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How to deal with a relationship and SI


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A few days ago I tried to cut myself, it had been months since the last time. I didn't have any scalpel blades in the house so I decided to break open a razor to get the blade from inside. Then the dumbest thing happened, my fingers slipped and I sliced open my thumb on the blade. Of course, I sat there sobbing uncontrollably because I had hurt myself... not the most rational response. I was upset over cutting myself accidentally when I was attempting to set up to purposefully cut.

Needless to say I didn't proceed with my intended SI, I just sobbed and got my partner. He was upset and disgusted that I would try to hurt myself again. I was crying so hard and couldn't seem to stop the bleeding. I've been rapid cycling so much lately that I can't seem to get control and I had him take me to the hospital. Of course, at 4 am it was a fun trip combined with the feelings of shame.

At the ER they put me in the regular waiting room where I continued to cry and felt incredibly self conscious, they wouldn't let me hang out in the washroom and wait. After about 30 minutes I told him that he could leave if he needed to since he'd been up for over 24 hours with his job & first aid course back to back. I never thought that he would actually take me up on my offer until he stood and handed me cab fare. Fast forward by another hour and I'm still sitting in the waiting room alone, crying uncontrollably and running to the bathroom every few minutes for fresh tissue since they didn't have any in the waiting room. My thumb was still bleeding and it hurt, I felt so obvious and idiotic and abandoned.

I finally gave up and called for him to come get me, which he did. By this point in time I was still crying uncontrollably, bleeding, and apologizing every few minutes for being so much trouble. Right afterwards he told me that he can't stay if I continue to SI. He has inquired about my thumb a couple of times since and has this tone in his voice that feels like he's judging me. I feel so stupid, alone, and judged. I also feel like I can only rely on myself and that I should just go back to hiding if I SI.

How does anyone else deal with being in a relationship and cutting? I feel like I can't tell him about it or let him discover what I've done, but I can't hide the cuts and still be intimate. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know if I can stay if he can't be supportive.

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im no expert and not the best person to give advice as i am a mess myself.

i do however have a partner and i self injure. today i accidently stabbed myself with a knife while i was cooking dinner, it is nothing compared to the cuts i give myself but i cried like a bloody baby for ages.

unfortunatly self injury can be hard to hide from a partner who truly cares for you, there is only so many times they will fall for the accidently cut myself shaving, etc etc excuses.

my partner and i kind of had to come to an agreement that although he does not condone this behaviour threatening to leave me does not make me stop or help me. he has to just love me and support me and hopefully i can turn to him when i feel like doing it, be more honest and open with him and give him more value then my self injure,

it is so hard though, especially if the injurying is like an addicition

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First I want to say that I always lied about it so at least you're being honest, so props for that!

But I'm not exactly sure why you're expecting your partner to be supportive of SI. This is different than him being supportive of your MI. The former is not helping, but enabling; and the latter is truly being supportive.

However, I think he's wrong to make threats regarding your relationship based on whether or not you SI. It's understandable that he's also feeling hurt and frustrated, but that's not the solution. And it's not easy to -just stop-.

my partner and i kind of had to come to an agreement that although he does not condone this behaviour threatening to leave me does not make me stop or help me. he has to just love me and support me and hopefully i can turn to him when i feel like doing it, be more honest and open with him and give him more value then my self injure,

it is so hard though, especially if the injurying is like an addicition

I just wanted to highlight the previous post, because I agree and I couldn't have said it better myself.

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It's not that I want him to support my SI, but I need him to support me. I'm not sure how to clarify, I think mostly because I have no insight at the moment. I want him to be aware that this is something I'm going through, but to not find me lacking as a person just because I do some incredibly stupid things.

I know what you mean about SI being an addiction, it's a habit that I need to kick. I'm hoping that once I see the new pdoc I can begin to work on this addiction. I'm going to ask for a referral to therapy as well. I can't continue to hurt myself when I'm in a mixed state/hypomanic; I can't continue to hurt myself period.

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