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So, I'm on medical leave from work again.

Let's see this would be my 5th or 6th leave in the last 3years. My meds aren't working anymore, I can go whole days without talking to anyone...including my husband and oh yeah...I had a massive panic attack today when I even thought about folding my laundry.

I was hoping that as by taking my meds, and doing the therapy and all the crap that comes with it that I'd eventually get better not worse. Or at least have a baseline level of anxiety. But no, everytime I have a downswing, I get more and more neurotic.

(I know that neurotic is not really the right word, but I can't think of a better one, sorry)

I'm too upset to type anymore, so I'm gonna go hide out in my bathroom now.

Thanks for letting me have a mini-rant.

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I know you feel like things are getting worse and you are getting worse. But you are working hard at getting better, right? I do think that we can all find a way to get better but it takes time. Patience is hard to come by when we feel like we are going crazy but we have to hold onto it as much as we can. It can take a long time to find the right treatment. It might not be what you want to hear or read because I'm sure you've been over that already. But it's true. Somehow we have to find the strength to keep trying, just keep sticking it out until we find that thing that works. Just to stay in place. One day at a time, one thing at a time is the easiest way. If you can't do something, let yourself take a break because you need to and put it aside until you can or break it up into smaller pieces.

Folding laundry in general is overwhelming. What if you folded 5 shirts before lunch? Or just thought about folding one thing at a time instead of all the pieces that need to be done? Smaller steps are much easier.

As frustrated as I get for myself at times, I really honestly believe there is a solution for everyone, but it is a matter of finding it. I hope you find yours soon.

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I have bad anxiety, too. Some times are tougher than others, but I know what you mean about sometimes going days without talking to anyone. And I've been overwhelmed by folding laundry, too. I've let it get to mountain proportions before--it's embarassing, but since you were brave enough to bring it up. ;)

One thing that I have been trying to do lately is accept myself. You sound like you are being pretty hard on yourself about your illness. But I think we need to accept ourselves to a great extent. We are who we are and we do the best we can with what's before us. We take steps...little steps some days...really little steps some days, you know? But still. Like Luna said, maybe folding five shirts. Or hell, maybe just taking deep breaths, laying on the bed, instead of hiding in the bathroom...

But my point is, anxiety like we have is bad brain chemistry. Our brains are firing all wrong and we've got all this fight-or-flight stuff going that doesn't need to be going off because nothing's wrong at the moment. It's not our fault. It's not your fault. And don't lose faith in the meds or the therapy. It really does take patience and time and sometimes two steps forward three steps back...which sucks. But then we take four steps forward. And on from there.

I say start with the deep breaths. That's what I try first. Slow, deep breaths, laying on my bed. That and thinking about how this is brain chemistry, not some flaw in me...

Take care.

Sallie

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  • 3 weeks later...

So, I'm on medical leave from work again.

Let's see this would be my 5th or 6th leave in the last 3years. My meds aren't working anymore, I can go whole days without talking to anyone...including my husband and oh yeah...I had a massive panic attack today when I even thought about folding my laundry.

I was hoping that as by taking my meds, and doing the therapy and all the crap that comes with it that I'd eventually get better not worse. Or at least have a baseline level of anxiety. But no, everytime I have a downswing, I get more and more neurotic.

(I know that neurotic is not really the right word, but I can't think of a better one, sorry)

I'm too upset to type anymore, so I'm gonna go hide out in my bathroom now.

Thanks for letting me have a mini-rant.

Panic attacks suck period. But you cant give up. Trying is the only way. Where meds & therapy arent workng, try yoga and meditation. See your dr for a medication review. It could be time for a change.

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