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aaargh relapse

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dont read this if you're ina bad place k?

i was just talking to my downstairs neighbour. he has lots of health problems and drives around in one of those little cart thingys. he just found out he is proabably going to lose his legs to amputation (clots, diabetic). he says he will absolutely not live if this happens. he says he'll kill himself as quickly sa possible if they do that to him.

omfg i cried for him and told him how sorry i was and that i would be here and that he needs to tell his doctor how he feels. he says he is too stubborn and besides hes already got enough drugs in his body he doesnt want any more. aaaahhhhhhhh! we parted ways with me reassurring i'd be in to check on him in a few days. he has a roommate thats a good friend too which is lucky.

my immediate response was to walk into the bathroom, and :cussing::wtf: rip open an old wound (a legit one, not an on purpose one) so that blood would run all over the place. it doesn't hurt, it's just messy. and i was completely depersonalized while i did it - i was like a zombie. i kinda watched myself do it.

i haven't done that for a long time. i think we are overwhelmed.

we're safe, and sorry now too. but why did i do that?

thanks for letting me vent. my stomach feels like a ball of lead and i can't stop crying. i think it's the depression taking this and running with it maybe.

- rita i think


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sometimes i really miss cutting. we haven't felt the need lately, so we haven't...

anyway, just wanted to say we read your post and feel for you. sometimes there is so much inside it has to get out somehow.

take care. i'm glad you didn't hurt yourselfs.


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I am glad that you are safe now, I hope that you have sorted the wound out so that it doesn't stay open. It sounds like you were triggered and overwhelmed, I know I would be if that happened to me.

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