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Feel like a large blob of nothing


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* edited to remove long, pointless self-absorbed ramble

Marginal mood lift (diurnal I think)..went for a walk on the beach and now feeling a bit more hopeful. I'll get over the nothingness eventually.

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aiiyee...feel really silly, but I forgot about this post ;) Thanks for thinkin' of me you guys. I'm improving every day (been nearly 3 weeks since med increase) so can only see that continueing. Just hope there isn't another crash anytime soon!

Before crashing, beach walks were my daily pilgrimage. I live in a fairly parochial area, in a very old house...what keeps me here is being 5 mins walk to the beach and a 5 min ferry ride to the city. Living by the beack on the other side of the river would cost twice as much.

I'm slowly getting back into it...2 walks this week and planning another today. My dog absolutely loves the sea and the beach...chases gulls (no hope of catching one thank god) and even body surfs a wave back in if he swims out too far. :) Laughed myself silly when I saw him catching a wave! Lotta reasons to like where I live.

Thanks again,

Bw

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*scratches head*

would be interesting to hear your ruminations about feeling like a large blob of nothing... I have that issue when I have nothing to do (e.g., no friends around). I know that part of my emptiness is having nothing around or to do (that situation will change through this summer into fall, at least for me).

in any event, glad you're feeling better...

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actually, beginning to wonder if I'm feeling just a little too good. Not complaining, just can't seem to keep up with myself. So much to catch up on! Could be just moclobemide being a little more activating at first, then settling down later.

Thanks Herrfous (whenever I see your name I think of ferrous sulfate ~ iron supplements),

Feeling like a blob of nothing - complete hopelessness, not seeing a future, no pleasure in anything, no energy (the sofa was my home for a couple of weeks),worthlessness, feeling half-dead.

My life has become pretty insular in the last 5 and a half yrs...working from home, then not working at all for the last 12 months. Have been volunteering, doing vocational rehab., seeing people around once a week. But I do have a tendency to isolate myself...which no doubt doesn't help things. Need to get a job...have applied for more than I can count in the last 12 months. Started a couple of jobs, but didn't cope well (too sedated). Hoping to get the medication right soon so I can keep a job.

I'll stop rambling now,

bw

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Thanks Herrfous (whenever I see your name I think of ferrous sulfate ~ iron supplements),

actually, sometimes I myself read it as that... and I think I've had a CB member or two refer to me as 'ferrous' in confusion. Not that I'm one to criticize people who get confused...

As for me, it was the loneliness. I live (and have lived, the past 15 months) in a small Southern city where the standard operating procedure is to marry your high school sweetheart the second you both turn 18. Regardless of whether the wedding is a shotgun or not... and regardless of the education and career plans of either spouse. A lot of the students at the local medical school where I used to work were only freshmen med students (ages 22-25) and already married. The idea of getting married before 30 (I'm now 23) scares the daylights out of me.

Anyways, the REAL problem was that finding singles my age (guys to hang out with, gals to hang out with/date) took up too much energy, especially with respect to then having a full-time job and a parkinsonian variant of CFS.

I'm moving cross-state for post-baccalaureate studies at a more appropriate school (the city college here doesn't offer good math or management programs, and I hate the dump of its city anyways), and the MUCH bigger city I'll be in actually has a few of my good ol' college friends... as well as more singles as well as more to do in general.

aaanyways, glad you're feeling better. walks on the beach are an excellent coping strategy... exercise and immediate psych improvement at the same time. I'd take a walk down the Savannah River Walk (7 miles long!), but it doesn't get cool enough for me until evening, at which point most of the River Walk is closed.

anyways I'll stop rambling about me. this post is your space, bokworm. ;)

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hope that your social life improves with your move. I can't see my social life improving anytime soon. Perhaps that depression talking..perhaps it's fear.

I'm back to grey again today, my momentary activition was medication. Discovered that the pharmacy gave me the wrong tablets ~ was taking double dose of moclobemide for 2 days before I realized. Gah...hope that things change in a couple of weeks. I'm not as bad as I was, but still not back to normal. I'm still doing things, forcing myself to keep active, but it all seems meaningless..just don't care about anything. Spend a lot of time trying to convince myself that it will get better, just need to wait.

Quiet desperation combined with frustration and fleeting suicidal thoughts (no plans). This isn't what life is meant to be. It just isn't.

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