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bi polar artist & musician

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Hi, This is my first post here and I just want to say Hi. I've been in the chat room and talked to some nice people last week. Seemed funny and interesting. A really good chat room. I'm still discovering the posts and people.

Right now I am on disability SSDI not SSI so I'm ablr to live OK. I'm married to a wonderful and VERY understanding man who is also a musician but works as an electrician for a living. He is right there with me no matter what.

I am seasonal effective bi polar with (rarely) psychotic features (been around the block though) and general anxiety disorder. Most of the time I am quite well, but sometimes in the spring or fall I have to have medication adjustments-which we all hate-to keep me on the planet.

These days I am having a difficult time adjusting to Lamictal which I really want to work since it was the only thing that got me "outta bed" and woken up for life in about a tear and a half. That was tough, but I know how to go through depression. I got tired of waiting and waiting it out so tried Lamictal and it was like a magic bullet ( that can kill you) Even though I am no longer depressed, I have been having anger issues with this new med when I'm on too much of it and that's not like me. So we're trying ti find the right dose...stop me if you've heard this one...so that everything will be%*&^( rosey fpr a while for me at least. Take klonapin for anxiety. Love that, doesn't everyone? and seraquel right now at least to dampen the manis I get from the Lamictal. I can hardly believe that I've found something that actually works for depression and it's not even officially an antideppressant. Go figure.

I was a graphic artist for many years and an art director and CEO for a large agency in NC when I had my first debilitating episode in 1981. Got diagnosed around 1984 finally and have stuggled emensely ever since with hospitals stays and depressions and manic episodes. Seems still though like I'm pretty OK most of the time. Tried to work for years and even had my own business for 10 years with two hospitalizations during that time. Got VERY sick after 10 years of those kind of deadlines and finally gave up the graphics business. Worked small stupid jobs for a long time in and out of one thing or another till my doc suggested SSDI in 2000. Took a couple of years to get, but still try working off and on so I don't feel like a load.

I do really well as a wildlife artist when I'm at my most functional. Put my husband through college with it during a couple of good years. I also am a singer. Was pro for a short time , but quit because I knew I couldn'y handle the schedule and night life along with my illness. My band hated me for quitting, but I really had to be realistic. Bands are hard to keep together anyway...

So hear I am, trying still to get myself together after a particularly long and intense bout with psychosis in april of 2004. Long recovery, huh? Those things will really *&^(*( you up for years with a long depression crash wherein my Mom died and my best friend I ever had died on me too. That didn't help. So yea Lamictal. Wish me luck with it. I actually did some art around Christmas, but that sputtered out. It does that for a while before it comes back I've learned, so I'm waiting for the next sputter and having a good but weird journey back to life. Nice to meet everyone. I've attached a file showing some art.

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I am also a graphics nerd. Yeah...deadlines....I love that WOOSHING sound they make as they fly by. ;)

Cool pic. I could never draw realistically, but I am a good cartoonist.

Good luck with the lamictal. It has been great for mu husband. It is the only med he ever stuck with. I think we are over the 2 year mark. He also has some SAD going on too. Spring revs him up...too much! So he takes a side of seroquel in the Spring.

I really think you will like CB. Lots of honest, passionate, and informative discussions.

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