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Welcome. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and that you need help right now. Do you have a psychiatrist? Have you told them what you're telling us here (psychosis, suicidality, want to OD just to go inpatient)?

I don't know about where you are but where I am you can be put in full or partial hospitalization for being suicidal (i.e. without OD'ing). I was in partial hospitalization twice in 2005 and it was very helpful. There was a lot of problem-solving in addition to meds - some people were in bad home situations (like your situation where your mother is failing to take care of your grandmother and berating you for not going without meds), and we offered sympathy and suggestions to each other.

If needing to take care of your grandmother is a barrier to you going inpatient again, partial hospitalization (9am-3pm or thereabouts) can be a way to get help without needing to leave home entirely.

I hope you'll consider contacting your pdoc, or even going to the ER again.

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I know how ya feel, posting and deleting. Many of us here have done the same thing!

I want to welcome you to crazyboards and tell you that whenever you are ready to open up, we'll still be here!

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