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depression, boozing, general failure as a human being


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i have not been very stable the last few days, and have started drinking way too much in combination with my benzos and sleep meds.. not trying to OD but just trying to black out all day. i had a seizure a few days ago (off alcohol) and i have been seriously depressed which seemed to trigger everything, i usually dont drink much at all. today my boss was supposed to come back to work (including some responsibility on my part) but i got in a minor car accident on the way there and now im just back to wanting to drink and medicate to the point of oblivion. if i wanted to die i would just jump off a bridge, but at the same time i dont have any hope left. can anyone relate? im hoping someone can understand, i feel like most of the people i associate with these days have their own problems on their plates and basically im left to fend for my own.

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That is what we are here for. To remind you that we can relate and we understand what you are going through.

I've recently had a problem with drinking too much. I KNOW how shameful and out of control that can feel. And I know you know this, but alcohol is a depressant, which only makes us feel more depressed the next day.

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE AS A HUMAN BEING. There might be behaviors that you have that you do not approve of, but that does not make you a bad person.

I've been thinking about feeling like a bad person lately as that is something I struggle with alot.

When you break it down............we are all having a human experience in a physical body. I believe we didn't have much say over the body, family, environment we were born into, but one thing we do have some semblence of control over is how we see ourselves.

Because not liking/accepting one's self makes it very difficult to feel like one's existence is worthwhile.

I'm rambling...but what I mean to say is that I've been engaging in risky behaviors lately with drinking and at first I hated myself and felt like a bad person. But just because one area of my life is not functioning as it should does not discount all the other areas I am existing in as being a human.

A part of the human condition is to make mistakes. Be easy on yourself, give yourself some credit.

And keep posting.

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I understand. I wish I didn't believe me. I know that for me, the beginning of the end is when I'm popping klonies like candy while downing vodka. It's like I just don't give a fuck anymore, very scary place to be. The seizure sounds serious, I don't know anything about that but it doesn't sound good. I hope you can get some help. I went to a crisis center when it got bad for me. Hang in there and keep posting, it does help.

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I'm sorry your in such a bad place right now. Benzos, booze and sleeping pills can really make depression worse especially in combination. I get that your trying to drink and medicate the pain away but it doesn't really get rid of it. I do it too sometimes so I'm a real hypocrite lol. I hope things get better for you soon. I really do relate to the no hope for the future/don't really wan't to die thing. I would want to die if it weren't for my family but I have to keep going for them.

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i have not been very stable the last few days, and have started drinking way too much in combination with my benzos and sleep meds.. not trying to OD but just trying to black out all day. i had a seizure a few days ago (off alcohol) and i have been seriously depressed which seemed to trigger everything, i usually dont drink much at all. today my boss was supposed to come back to work (including some responsibility on my part) but i got in a minor car accident on the way there and now im just back to wanting to drink and medicate to the point of oblivion. if i wanted to die i would just jump off a bridge, but at the same time i dont have any hope left. can anyone relate? im hoping someone can understand, i feel like most of the people i associate with these days have their own problems on their plates and basically im left to fend for my own.

I selfmedicate with alchohol too sometimes, usually when I'm pissed or bored, but I can't do it much at all because it increases

depression and then I can't tell who I am again.I'm actually a nice guy, but depressed I am mean.And I don't wanna be mean. Maybe that's just me.

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Sounds like things are really rough. I hope that you can find someone you trust to confide in. You're not a failure as a human being.

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