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i'm screaming within but my brain won't let me speak


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Please help me guys, i'm so confused, can't recognise my own emotions/if i am feeling anything at all. i'm on auto pilot, i'm not functioning with any feeling or deep thought as my brains shut off my body-heart-soul to just basics. the thing is i know i'm not not having a breakdown again as i know i'm still there somewhere, i just cannot come out no matter how determined i am . i cant express myself as i can't remember &or decide if i am recognising things correctly but yet i haven't lost confidence/faith in myself. :) . its like i'm a foreigner that my brain doesn't understand. i'm extr' certain i'm dyspraxic & desperate to get diagnosis but don't know what to say & if i should see gp or pdoc? pdoc has sent me away 4 another month on cymbalta b4 trying meds suited to adhd (he thinks prob had as child resulting in present troubles) i need to do something asap as i'm losing the battle for sanity & i've never been this astray from real world in 12yrs ive been dealing with menhealth. am shi**ing it. your advice will be so important to me right now. (Ps has taken me over an hour to type this! the irony makes me blimmin laugh..) ;)

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I get all emotionally detached too. I think it is the meds working a little too well. Unmedicated I cry at the drop of a hat, well-medicated sometimes my puppy can get run over by a car and I don't care... figuratively speaking that is.

If you really think you are "losing the battle for sanity" then you NEED to go back to your pdoc and tell him. Tell him/her flat out that this isn't working and you need immediate change. It's your right.

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thank you. not sure whats worse, being emotionally reckless or scarily unfeeling!.. i desperately need a 'happy' (excuse frase..) medium. i'm useless as it stands & need to be focusing & strong more so than usual at the mo'. hopeful i manage to

find the words to explain myself at pdoc's, thanks again gwen'

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Just wanted to drop in and say I can relate.

I know for me, when I've been in the depths of a major depressive episode, it's like I've lost my soul, my sense of self. I am just a hollow body of who I used to be. I have no opinions, preferences, etc. about things...which is NOT the case when I'm baseline.

It is so bizarre. To have this sense of alienation from your self. All I can say is that YOU are still in there somewhere and it is only a matter of time until you come back out to play.

Until then, KEEP posting. I think it will help you alot to but your experiences into words...even if it takes a long time to do so.

HUGS.

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Sal,

I agree that a pdoc visit would be a great move. I often feel like that, and when I do I try to spend some time sitting in a relaxed way, slowly taking note of what I see, what I hear, what I can touch, what I can smell, and what I can taste. It just grounds me from the panic and makes me feel more connected and real.

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thats a good idea k. i'll give that a try, anything's worth a go if there is a chance of feeling even slightly better at times, isn't it? i'd run butt naked through the town if i thought it might help!!lol. thanks x

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just wanted to say hang in there & that i certainly can relate. i was so paralyzed with depression last week, i barely got out of bed. letterally. and i'm on 2 ADs. go figure.

anyway, hang in there and pray that this too shall pass!

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I'm another one that can relate. I'm feeling numb again, too, so numb that I'm cutting again. ;)

Before I went to this new pdoc and had my meds tweaked, I was feeling too much and crying over everything, now it's like I just don't feel emotion for anything.

So anyway, yeah, you're not alone.

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hi & thanks peeps. Toxic, sometimes it just feels like they'll never get the chemical balance right!? your either thrown into "ms. no personality"-numb beyond description, "ms. emotional turmoil"-stop the fucking world i wanna get off, or my personal favouorite "mrs. f*** it alll"-i do not give a sh**!.

i called to get an earlier app than proposed with pdoc, who obliged.. got letter 2 days later correcting it to previous, later date app!!? And these people SPECIALISE ,supposedly, in mental health.. talk about frustrating!!

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