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my outlet choices have been narrowed down


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can no longer smoke pot.

can't even get drunk. had 5 beers sunday and nothing.

prescription drugs:

adderall - nothing.

xanax - nothing.

(may work in larger doses, but scared to try.

granted, i do not want an addiction by any means. i just want some kind of release. even if it is just once a month.

oh, cannot cry. that one really bothers me.

what i am left with:

food food food. boy, am i good at eating crap.

spending. really don't have the money, but would spend it if it is something i really really want.

taking naps. not just a bad habit. really have no energy.

and i am a smoker. bad bad bad.

what i should substitute:

exercise.

yoga.

part-time job. which may actually happen! keep your fingers crossed.

but, again, no energy. no initiative. it is like this physical need to lay down and sleep. but, not really depressed, i guess.

i guess i just wish i could have a couple of beers and get a little buzz.

know what i mean?

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Try Vodka. Kidding.

Yes, I know what you mean. I can't drink anymore. It gets me all hyped up and depressed like the worst mixed episode ever. Fortunately (actually unfortunately) I love me some pot. It is a release for me but is bad. Leads to me becoming another person pretty much if I do it too much, which I always do.

The cannot cry thing is getting me now. I think I only notice it because unmedicated I cry. But having things to cry about and just not being able to bites the big one. Force yourself to watch a really sappy movie and see if that works. Moulin Rouge made me wail. Trying to think of others....

What about sex? Or masturbation? That always helps me. I know I'm in trouble if I don't have a sex drive. Get yourself a good vibrator and go crazy.

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oh, i declare. how you do make me blush!

well, noone to have sex with. masturbation, really not in the mood. think my sex drive is just gone.

i do love pot, too. wish i could smoke it. really gets my head racy. and, if i had any, i probably would not monitor it enough to stop when i need to. maybe some day. it really did enhance my thoughts, but made my body tight as well as just throwing everything out of whack.

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Try that stuff that tastes like plain cider but isnt--called Woodchuck or something. I got zoomed off of 3 bottles. Tastes great, you can really drink a couple when they are cold and you are thirsty.

I share your feelings, tho--and am sorely envious of those who can get a decent buzz (Calgone, take me away) of of anything. I am so over-medicated, and over-drugged, all my receptors seem to be dead. Even the sex receptors--gone, gone gone. Nothing.

If I had known this would be my future in my declining years, would I have not gotten so bitzed so often on so much stuff? Probably not, but it really is depressing.

china

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