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depressed and eating ice cream


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Hey guys,

I know I don't post very much - it seems I do more reading than posting - but tonight I decided to break that trend, at least for now. A lot of you probably don't know me. I'm Carol Anne. Bipolar, diagnosed tentatively about a year ago. Not sure what flavour yet, but the diagnosis is becoming more official now. I take lithium, risperdal, and clonazepam.

And I'm freakin' depressed. Have been for a few weeks now. I'm having a really hard time tonight. I can't focus on anything but how crappy I feel. Nothing specific is wrong, it's just... everything. I keep focusing on all the times I've screwed up in the past and all the times I'm sure to screw up in the future. I woke up this morning and wanted to die. I found the flyer for the local crisis line in my wallet this afternoon and was hoping against hope that I wouldn't have to call them. I don't think I'm at a crisis point - yet - but it's starting to feel like I might get there if I don't see an improvement soon.

I don't see my psychiatrist until July 29th or my psychologist until July 22nd. In the meantime I have a great GP to fill the gaps but I think he's a little hesitant to change or add any medications. Maybe if I'm really trapped. I see him on Tuesday. I hate going there just to complain, but I don't really have anything good to tell him.

I have to work tomorrow. I think it's going to be hell. I'm just coming off a two-week "sanity break" that i took from that place. My grandma, who I live with, wants me to try for disability. I don't think I'll get it, because I'm in school and am able to work, and I don't live by myself. But I can't handle enough hours at work to make the money I need to pay bills and meds and stuff. So I don't even know if I'll bother trying. I might discuss this with the doctor on Tuesday.

Depression has me feeling really stuck.  ;)

anyway, I'm sorry to come here and gripe, but I figured a good way to get to know people would be to post and let everyone know how I'm feeling... sigh. thanks guys.

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Carol Anne,

I'm really sorry that you have been having such a hard time lately.  I wish that there was something I could do to make you feel better or some more inspirational words I could say.... I just wanted you to know that I, and the others here, are here for you.  Keep posting if it helps (even a little) to make you feel better... and there is no reason to be sorry for letting us know how you feel, we're more than happy to listen and lend our support.  I hope that things start to look up for you soon.

take care of yourself and I'm here if you ever need anything

~Ophelia

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Mechante,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so crummy these days. You wrote that this depression has been going on for three weeks and is getting worse. Waiting until the 29th is out of the question. Having learned from experience over and over again, it is not a good thing to let depression get a strong foothold on your brain. Call your pdoc on Tuesday (assuming you're American) and ask to move your appointment up. Please don't let this get any worse.

It's always ok to come here and gripe. It's what we DO!  And it's where people actually know what you're talking about.

Greeny

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HI there,

You take lithium, risperdal and clonezepam? Good combo, but there's no anti-depressant in there! You sound to me like you could use one. Wellbutrin is currently working well for me.

Sometimes we gotta raise our own serotinin with ice cream and/or chocolate. To get us by until we get the right med combo. I think gaining weight is very intertwined with being bipolar. Goes with the territory.  ;)   I gained 25 lbs on lithium but still take it.

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Mechante I don't know how you feel about the crises line but I've called them just to talk when I'm so out of control I can't talk to anyone I know. One time I was taking a bath (trying to calm down) sobbing hysterically and actually had to call just to talk and hear someone who can listen!

You don't have to be suicidal or ready to go to the ER. They are there for you. I've found them sincerely compasionate and non judgemental.

Just a note of encouragement to reach out. they're there for you. Just like we are!

And yes. Try to make the appt happen sooner! ;)

C@

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Waiting until the 29th is out of the question. Having learned from experience over and over again, it is not a good thing to let depression get a strong foothold on your brain. Call your pdoc on Tuesday (assuming you're American) and ask to move your appointment up. Please don't let this get any worse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Greeny, thanks for the advice. I know you're right, but there's a bit of a problem. My psychiatrist is at a student health clinic, she's the only one there, and she's way overbooked. I don't think I could get an earlier appointment. I suppose I could call and see, but I'm not really hopeful about it. I can talk to the GP about it too, maybe there's something he could do. (And for what it's worth, I'm Canadian.  ;) )

HI there,

You take lithium, risperdal and clonezepam? Good combo, but there's no anti-depressant in there! You sound to me like you could use one. Wellbutrin is currently working well for me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, I know there's an AD missing from my combo. my pdoc wanted to see if we could avoid adding one, but it's becoming pretty apparent - to me at least - that this might not be a good idea. she had hopes that as soon as I hit a therapeutic dose of lithium (not sure if I'm there yet - will get blood test results on Tuesday) things would level out.

Mechante I don't know how you feel about the crises line but I've called them just to talk when I'm so out of control I can't talk to anyone I know. One time I was taking a bath (trying to calm down) sobbing hysterically and actually had to call just to talk and hear someone who can listen!

You don't have to be suicidal or ready to go to the ER. They are there for you. I've found them sincerely compasionate and non judgemental.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

thank you. I've never called them and I keep on thinking things would have to be pretty bad for me to call. but maybe i should have called last night. having someone experienced to talk to would have helped I think. the "normie" friends and family I had available at the time don't seem to know what to do with me when i get like that. I guess that's why it's good that I can come here.

Anyway, for what it's worth I'm feeling a bit better today. Work went alright - I didn't kill anyone, nor did any person or situation make me want to die. I had a good time talking with some friends. Dealt with customers fairly well.

Thanks for your support guys. Means a lot to me.

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Hi,

I HAVE TO eat ice cream everyday. I dont know if its the BP, the seroquel, or what. But I'm right there with you. I HAVE TO eat ice cream.

After I finish, its like a very short rush. I'm sure its the sugar. But just the same, I feel a tiny bit better for a few moments while & after I'm finished eating my ice cream.

Now, if only someone had told me to invest in Bryers.....just kidding!!! I dont have any $ to invest. all spent on bath products and clothes. BP1? Uh yeah.

Good Luck!!!

December

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I ,too, love ice cream, especially when the heat index is topping out at 102-which makes me feel epressed. And I think it might be a good idea to get on an AD. they somethimes help w/ the mood stabilizers. I have gained almost 10pounds on seroquel  ;)   and have o;nly been on it a month and a half. Dam it all. OH well, ata least I am not yelling and screaming at my kids and throwing things. mel

OH- post here oftern, you will get the support you need. I am glad you are feeling a little  better. Sometimes, when you are alone , it is all too easy to let the depression creep up on you and take a hold, then it is harder to get out.

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Glad I'm not the only ice cream fan around here! I feel better now.  :)

I saw my GP today. I told him how I've been feeling and he said, "Is it fair to say that this is the worst week you've had in the past month or so?" Ouch. But I guess he's right. And I'm really sick of struggling. And I'm sure everyone here can understand that.

GP coached me a little on anxiety and calming myself down, which I really stink at. He told me to stop worrying that I'm going to completely lose control.

GP also said that it looks like I'm losing weight. Whoo-hooo! Mel, I know what you're dealing with RE: weight gain - I gained about fifty pounds on my prior cocktail of Zyprexa and Depakote. that was a big part of the reason why I dropped those meds (and Zoloft & clonazepam) cold turkey ( ;) ) and left that pdoc. I'm afraid I'll start gaining again on lithium but it hasn't happened yet in the 3.5 months I've been on it.

My GP wants me to get my lithium level done again tomorrow because it seems to have shot up really fast and he says he wants to make sure it's not getting any higher. I'm starting to feel like a lab rat. Last time I went, the nurse in the lab asked me, "Do they have you under control yet?" Umm, 'scuse me? lol.

And good news - my pdoc appointment got bumped up! From the 29th to the 14th. I'm pretty happy about that. Maybe she'll be sick of my complaining and finally put me on an AD. We'll see.

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Ooh, yay.  Congratulations on getting an earlier appointment.  Ordinarily  planets must be aligned in one's favor, and ritual animal sacrifices scrupulously performed atop a collection of Freud and a Maple Leafs jersey.  Perhaps other good things will happen for you as a result of that residual good mojo? 

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Hey, if ice cream is your worst problem, eat the ice cream!  I'm trying to cut down on sugar, but when I hit bottom I go straight for the half-gallon of breyer's mint chocolate chip, and woe to anyone who tries to get it away from me!  I'm still gaining weight, but oh hell, that's not what's going to killme.

I'm so glad you got your pdoc appointment moved up.  Whenever I need an appointment to deal with depression I feel guilty and self-conscious about it.  My pdoc hates it when I'm not doing well and so I actually sometimes end up feeling worse for him than I do for myself. 

The point being that I don't think you need to feel bad for having problems.  After all, that's why you have a pdoc.

I love the nurse's line about them "having you under control yet."  She probably could tell from looking at you that you were down.  Medical professionals can show their caring in strange ways.  It's great that you're feeling a little better.  Don't be shy about using the resources you do have, like support lines and posting here.

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Good news about your appointments being moved up to this week. Your GP sounds like a good guy. My therapist is trying to teach me some breathing exercises and things I can say to myself when I start spiraling out to la la land. It's helping, well um, as long as I remember to actually do it.

I'm glad you're hanging in. Let us know what the pdoc says.

Greeny

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Hmm.  Meds or depression.  Could be both.  I've never taken any of your meds,  but I know my Topamax makes me "lose" my words or have to reach for words.  Depression just makes your brain empty sometimes.  When I have to write a paper and I am having trouble finding the words I want, I say f* it, and write it with the words I can find.  Then I at least have the IDEA out of my head and on the paper and can go back at another time to reword, rephrase, or my personal favorite, pull out the trusty thesaurus.  You could try that tactic.  Don't fret about the words, get the thoughts out.

Nothing like homicidal kidnappers to kick off a beautiful day, huh?  Make up your own ending where the homicidal kidnappers turned out to be clones of David Trump and were... what am I blabbering about?  Ignore me.  I'm crazy.

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