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dont know what to do with my life


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I am about to finish college, and it has been a long battle

I dont know what to do with my life

I feel I bring everyone around me down

With the major I chose I wont be able to get a career type job without going to grad school

I cant take any more school right now

I failed at life

I have lived 23 years going on 24

I have nothing to live for right now

I dont have friends, close family, I have a boyfriend but I fuck that up

I have no personality, Im not that attractive

Basically all the things worth living for I dont have

I am so lonely

I am too scared to kill myself

Nobody likes me because I make them uncomfortable

My parents are a horrible couple and never should have got together and reproduced, they created three souls that should not be on this earth.

we are good for nothing.

the world is overcrowded. some people just suck. i am one of them.

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I have an urge to refute everything that you have posted, mainly because I believe that all people contribute to the world in some positive way, even if it's a really miniscule contribution that others would overlook. I also know that MI can really make you view everything through a len of doom and failure, and make you believe things about yourself that aren't true. The truth is, I am the same age as you, have felt everything you feel at some point or another, will feel it in the future and so won't try to argue you out of it, because I doubt you'd listen.

I would like to ask you whether you're happy to just give in and let this negativity define you and your life, or if inside you there is a tiny angry spark that actually hungers for your life to be more, and whether you have any ideas at all on how to take small steps to make your life worth living for. I don't think we can screw things up beyond redemption, I think that you have as good as chance as me or anyone else of having a fulfilling life. I hope that you can see it too.

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Hi,

IMO - try working on the things you can change.

I earned a BA in english - Ive always explained it as "i know how to read." i didnt go the educational route ( ie teaching crediential) mostly because i would have had to stay in college longer and i wanted to be finished.

I started looking for jobs before i graduated. but i didnt actually obtain a job until 3 months after graduating. and it was in the insurance industry. i never once thought about "insurance." also at the time i didnt have a car and the office was within walking distance. plus, i got health insurance - so i took the job and ended up working in the insurance field for 7 years and quit because of my MI.

if you dont know what you want to "do" for a job - then apply for everything. thats what i did. when you get interviews these are good chances to find out more about the specific job and if its something you might like. it is perfectly ok to go to an interview, ask questions, and then decide the job is not for you. plus, it gives the job to someone who really wants it.

the transition from college to working-world is very difficult. however, once you obtain a job you might find satisfaction in other parts of your life as well.

peace out,

december

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i majored in international economics and management at a national liberal arts college. now, tell me what i can do with that without grad school? pretty much sales, which i hate. i ended up going into IT contracting, a far cry from my major! like December, i found something to do that wasn't nearly what i thought i'd ever be doing. (this was before i got ssdi that is).

take some time to know yourself and understand what you really want before making the huge commitment of money and time to go to grad school. think about how your friends are going to go into it right away- and probably end up with a master's in underwater basket weaving or whatever and not use it once they get their job in the insurance industry or in IT.

be patient with yourself, as december said, and don't worry about it if you're not in line with a huge contract when they slap that degree in your hand. think of how hard you worked to earn that expensive piece of paper and don't be afraid if you need a break to find work.

you never know what you may like. one suggestion is informational interviewing. i'm sure your career office told you about that, and it is easy/painless for both the interviewer (you) and intervieweee (person nice enough to meet with you). there, you ask questions about the field and get a feel for it. then if you like it, you may want to formally interview for positions. you may get leads from the person you interview as well. you could even get a job out of it. i got all kinds of leads doing that. also, join a professional organization for the profession you want to break into once you decide what it is. for awhile i was interested in technical writing, so i joined the society for technical communications and went to those meetings. there i met some people who owned a technical writing firm, and they hired me for a contract. you never know what you can run into!

your first interviews may be and feel awkward, so you may want to practice with a friend or prof, and go on real interviews for practice (i know it takes up the interviewer's time and that's bad, but you need practice so look at it with yourself in mind).

you'll get to the point, like me, where it takes you 30 minutes tops to whip out an awesome resume and maybe 2 weeks to find a job, and your interviews are like interviews on TV. ok, maybe not THAT hot, but i do a good job because i've been in the contract business for so long and have interviewed so many times i have it nailed down.

the key is to be yourself and not be nervous. it is super hard to do, but you'll come across as the young professional you are and they'll be confident in your ability to do the job.

any further questions about the world of work- pm me. i've had a ton of jobs because of contracting (and my BP gets me hired and fired, ;) ), so i feel that i could be able to help. i can at least tell you about my first interviews and the beginning of my job hunt- boy was it nerve wracking and very tough!

best of luck,

loon

ps- now that i've rambled excessively about work, i can ramble about other stuff. you know, karuna is so right that when you're depressed, you see the world through the lens of your depression and not with your real eyes. my tdoc had me write down the good qualities my friends would say about me, and that helped me a lot to focus on at least keeping those things in mind when the negative thoughts would creep up.

you do have a life worth living. it may seem hard right now, but it is temporary. talk to your pdoc about a med change or increase. there is no reason to live like this. talk to your tdoc as well and make sure your lifestyle is healthy and in line with what we with mood disorders need to feel our best. that's the best advice i have.

again, yours

loon

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I truly do love this place.

Being able to talk to someone and know that people are listening.

I can't burden people in my day to day life because it would wear them out.

Thank you for listening and replying everyone.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nightowl,

I can completely understand your situation. I feel the same way, and I have a Master's Degree. I feel like I've wasted money, my husband and family hate me, and I was too stupid to major in something that would actually give me a career.

I can't say that it gets better, but I'm hoping, right alongside you, that it does.

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