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Wow - sounds like first of all you need to get your Dad to understand that you NEED help, one way or another.  That really sucks; you have my sympathy.  And your *#^%*& Family Physician has his head up his ass.  If nothing else, he should have referred you to a therapist to talk this out some more.  Grrrrr.

Can you just make an appointment with someone, then have the bill submitted to insurance without Dad knowing ahead of time?  (I'm assuming you can't see the University Psychiatrist again now, cuz it's summer?  Or did you just not "click" with him?  Do they have other individuals you could get an appointment with?) 

If I were you, I wouldn't be looking at any specific medications, beyond the broad class of mood stabilizers perhaps.  Or maybe the atypical antipsychotics (don't let the name scare you, they help lots of people with other issues).  The fact that none of the AD's have helped will be a big clue to a mental health professional.  In my case, it was a tip-off that I was bipolar2.  From there, you can explain your concerns, such as weight gain, and together choose a specific med to try next.  Trileptal was the first one I tried, and it has been wonderful.

Other than that, I'd encourage you to browse the Personality Disorders board, and see whatcha think.  If it's slow now, just post and I bet you'll see people coming out of the woodwork to give support.  I think there are lots of CrazyBoards regulars with Borderline or other PD diagnoses.

Edited to add:  I would say check out specifically the last thread on the board, about "How did I get this way".  And there's also a goldmine of info on the archived board here:  http://www.crazymeds.us/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB...oard=borderline

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Julia,

First of all, I admire how you've stuck it out in college with the difficulties you've been experiencing. A lot of people find they need to take time off, and if this turns out to be the case with you, just go for it. OTOH, the summer gives you a perfect opportunity to try new meds with a lower probability that they will impact your college career in a significant way. (I have recurrent, treatment-resistant major depressive disorder, and it definitely colored my college experience in terms of what I was able to achieve and how I socialized during that time.)

This means that NOW is the time you need to talk to your dad about what you know you need. If you were a diabetic, he wouldn't deprive you of seeing a doctor and getting insulin, or of routine glaucoma checkups, would he? If you can, talk to him about the biological nature of your illness. IMO, I wouldn't go into too much detail about the kinds of medication you've tried (unless he already knows) or the classes of meds you may have to go to for relief (anticonvulsants, atypical antipsychotics, etc.) -- just give him the information that will lead him to the point where you need him to be. Maybe a good psychiatrist can help you convince him of this. The bottom line is this: if mental illness goes untreated for too long, the chances of remission are lower and the chances of recurrence are higher.

My father was (and remains) the same way: there is nothing wrong with me that a little fortitude and pulling-myself-up-by-the-bootstraps won't cure. Of course, I now have the luxury of being older and self-supporting, and so I've cut him out of my life because he'll just never understand me. Not that this is a healthy thing, but it sure makes my life easier than having to keep explaining the organic basis of my illness and defending myself to him. In fact, his ignorance is probably the main reason why my depression went untreated for the many years it did. (Indeed, in rare moments of extreme self-pity I'll always wonder if the progress of my illness would have been different had he been a better parent.)

As for the meds, sometimes it takes a combination, or "cocktail," to get the desired effect, i.e., relief of symptoms. It sounds like your GP was trying one thing at a time. A skilled psychiatrist will know what drugs to try, and what combinations, given the set of symptoms you present. You may even need to find a psychiatrist who has a strong background in psychopharmacology and meds management, and you probably also ought to supplement this treatment with psychotherapy.

Good luck,

clumsycrawling

P.S. I'm in the process of adjusting my cocktail for depression -- I'm on Effexor (antidepressant), Abilify (atypical antipsychotic), and Dexedrine (stimulant) ... so you see, these classes of meds have off-label uses that most NT people wouldn't ever understand.

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Julia,

Oh, man. Unsupportive parents who have control of the insurance. Yech. But don't you carry an insurance card for when you're away from home or in the car? If you do, most insurance carriers have websites where you'll be able to read about what your benefits are and whether or not you need preauthorization to see a psychiatrist or therapist. You'll also be able to see a list of the doctors, therapists and hospitals that are covered by your policy. If you're in college, you don't need your dad's permission to see a doctor. Nor will he get the bill.

Like others have suggested, read through the posts on the personality disorders board. And on the main crazymeds site there is a section for support groups and information sites. There's a lot of information available here and on the web.

Welcome and keep posting.

Greeny

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