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Cutting when life is supposed to be manageable


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I'm lost. I really am. I don't understand why it is that lately I have been cutting more frequently and with more abandon. I am withdrawing from classes this quarter and going home because my illness has made my class work too much to handle. Now I'm just puttering around my apartment, enjoying doing nothing. But I still cut. And more importantly when I do cut I don't feel anything, I just don't care. I have been cutting for a year now and this is the first time where I literally let myself have at it. I'm just confused and frustrated and I really want to cut right now. But I'm being good and posting here and watching Star Trek to distract myself.

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Lunar, I understand where you're coming from. The cutting I'm doing now isn't like the type of pain relief that I used to do it for. It's like I want to, just because I want to. So, basically, an addiction. Have you tried the ice water trick? Or snapping the rubber band on the wrist? I'll be starkly honest, those didn't work for me, but maybe it would work for you.

Yeah, keep posting here, and Star trek has some good episodes. Are you watching Next Generation? That's my favorite series.

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Hi Lunar - like Rabbit says, cutting can be terribly addictive. I started cutting (years ago) when the pain was all too much and had no other release. Over the past four or five years, things have been a lot better, but I still cut. Not nearly as much as I used to, and sometimes it is out of pain....but sometimes I just want to. It's like it's always lurking in the back of my mind, and every now and then I get tired of resisting the urge and just do it. No real reason.

It sounds like you're trying to handle it, and that's a good thing. And in constructive ways, too! Try other coping techniques (the rubber band works for me if I'm in public and get all ragey and destructive). Are you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist? Maybe it's something you want to try working on with them....?

xx

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It is tough to resist when things get tough and you're alone at home with nothing to do. perhaps if you had more structure and things to occupy you, you might not do it so much? I know that bordeom can be a trigger for me.

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Thanks for the support. I had been seeing a pdoc and tdoc, but I'm currently in between untill I can go home from college. I tend to resist the tricks (like rubberbands and ice) because its still just more pain, not really anything different than what I'm currently doing. I feel its like putting a hot coffee cup to my wrist or putting coins on my arm that have been warmed by sun (I do that in the car a lot). My therapist would rather I do something completely incompatible with cutting or burning: dancing, running, knitting (as long as you are not poking yourself with the needles lol), jumping jacks, cleaning. I'm trying to do those things but it's a process you know.

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