Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

BPD'ers...do you work?


Recommended Posts

I'm just wondering how many people on here diagnosed with BPD (or other PDs) are able to work full-time? I went back to work about 8 months ago and I'm finding it really hard. I struggle to make it not known that I have a problem...and I'm constantly exhausting myself to the point of feeling like I"m going to have a nervous breakdown. It's really hard because most of my bad times occur late at night, and then I don't get any sleep and have to work early in the morning. So by the end of a given week I'm so wiped I don't know what end is up.

What I'm wondering is, who can work and how do you cope? I have a pretty high-stress job right now that requires a lot of extra hours and on-call work, and I can't help but wonder if it makes more sense to be working in a more low-stress job where I just do the job from 9-5 and then it can be left at work so I can try and relax in my downtime.

Opinions anyone?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't work at the moment because I am too ill to. I do desperately want to, but I don't think I'll be ready till my pdoc has settled on a med regime and I have finished my DBT, even then i'll probably go four days a week or something to start with. I wouldn't kill myself at a full time on call job if you leaves you feeling that way, work is just not worth losing your sanity over. It's not always that simple, but if you can cut down, sometimes it helps.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It took me many years of therapy and medication to get to the point where I could work. I moved to S. Korea and took a job as an English teacher. It was good for me to get away from my family and start over where nobody knew anything about me. The hours were good for me too. I was at work usually noon to 8:30 pm.

I just signed a new contract to go back over there. And I'm really looking forward to it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i am not a morning person. so i do work more evenings to early am. i do however work in the Emergency Dept which is stressful and i took get overwhelmed, much of which is late night.. so its good i work later rather than mornings. ive had this job for almost 2years, i did however take 2 weeks off last Oct. for mental health issues but i got to come right back. before that i was jobless for a couple months and had to be homeschooled.. this was right before i was diagnosed with all my illnesses. a low stress job that works with your sleep schedule is a good thing. if you mess up your natural sleep schedule it can cause mood swings (thats what my pdoc told me) so good luck !

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm not DSM-fitting BPD (I have all the criteria except the outbursts), but I figure I'd give you my $0.02 anyways.

Prior to being TKO'd by chronic encephalitis, I could work 40+ hours a week... then it was 25... and then by last month, 0...

My biggest criteria for success in any job is not having a jerk for a boss. Now, most of us BPD-types have very low thresholds for what "jerk" means, and I'm no exception, so I would have to say that the majority of bosses I've had were jerks. The only reason I'd been holding down full-time jobs was paranoia about my financial state.

My mom (who's a little bit more BPD than I am) can't stand jerks either, otherwise she's fine with holding down jobs.

And like oohchessie, I'm not a morning person. Before accepting any job offer I make sure they'll be okay with me working 10-6 or 10-7.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ive been BPD for years and I hold down a part time job working in the medical records department of the nearby hospital 9-1pm every day since January 22nd 07. Prior to this I had been off work sick for 16 months. I haven't even had a single sick day since starting my new job. I also run my own part time business and study in my spare time. I don't even think I'm BPD anymore, I don't fit the criteria. ;) My life is very productive after 16 months of inactivity.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I work full time. I even work a pretty hectic schedule... Tues-Fri, 6:30 am to 6:30 pm. (I have 2 hour lunches, it's not a 50 hour work week)

It helps me, I think. It helps me to have a set routine that I have to do. Especially once you get over that first hump where it's not a routine yet. I can basically always show up and do what I need to do for a set period of time. It's the unscheduled time where what I have to do and say and be isn't clearly labeled... that's when I fuck everything up. ;)

It also helps that I genuinely enjoy my job (I work at a doggie daycare) and it's pretty low-stress for me. I think that's the only reason that I can do it. Previously, I was working a receptionist job which really stressed me out, and I was borderline fired (it was in the grey area between me quitting and being fired) and I absolutely could not have done that job for much longer (I was there for like 6 weeks) , although in a lot of ways it was much "easier" or "cushier" or whatever.

I really do think the key is finding a job that has an appropriate amount of stress and somewhat enjoyable. I think that's a goal for EVERYONE... not just the mentally ill. If this job stresses you out too much and you don't desperately need it, I would try and find another one. It may not be that you're not fit to have a job at all... you may just need a job that better suits your life, you know?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

Hi, my first post. I am not currently working in the classical sense. I am volunteering for 3 different animal rescue groups. I have also started my own sideline business, doing gardening, yardwork, and home repairs. I enjoy that immensely because I can make my own schedule, set my own prices, etc. I find it satisfying because I can usually see immediate results. I just got social security disability after working at a grocery store for 2 years which just about drove me nuts (see the post about jerk bosses) and was physically exhausting. I find I need some kind of structure to my day, which can be hard - my partner and I are both on SSDI. We also make and sell beaded jewelry. I really find the animal work, working outdoors, and being creative with my hands extremely healing. The most important thing I think is to lower your stress levels and find a way to ground yourself on a regular basis.

Greenedogs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I work full-time as a librarian. I have a schedule from hell, working every Wednesday and Thursday night (12-9), then getting my other days in during the week. I am the manager of the government documents department and my biggest fear is someone will find out that I don't remember how to do lots of job-related tasks. Don't know if that is from the ECT or the meds. I've only missed work when I've been in the hospital and then they've been very cooperative.

Tommy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was working and studying up until Xmas 2005 then thats when everything imploded. In the past 20 years I have mainly taken on jobs that have little responsiblity due to low self esteem. The times I have been haappy and been able to cope with extra responsiblities have been when I have either been self-employed or worked for a small business - usually working hand in hand with the owner. I've finally realised I don't do companies anymore due to following the "normal" rules that are requested and feeling like a number!!

At the moment I'm not well enough to consider work but I hope in the future to return to study so I can find an occupation which will allow me to be self-employed and therefore work my own hours.

Hawk

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have just started work, it's a very basic admin job, four hours a day, fives times a week, starting mid morning and ending around midday. It allows me exactly the optimum sleep for me, fits my med schedule and pays me enough to be worth working.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've been working fulltime for the last two years. For a while having a job, particularly one I enjoy, was a very welcome distraction from feeling like crap. It was a big self-confidence boost too. Lately though it's been really difficult. I had a period a couple of months ago where my attendance was very erratic and I was ultimately confronted about it by a supervisor.

I'm desperately looking for a new job because this one has become unberable. That said, I also realize that this job has become unberable because I've made it so. I can see things I've done along the way that I've done to sabotage my success here. Damned if I know *why* I've done it; but it's there clear as day. I guess I'm hoping that a new job will be like a fresh start. I know I'm kinda running away from a mess I've created; but I really don't think I have it in me to fix my mess. Everyday at this job I feel like I've got to run and hide. I used to be a workaholic, now I'm workaphobic!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...

I've had 300 jobs and no I'm not working. I'm afraid I'm going to take those 300 jobs to hell and back with me many times over before I ever start to get over the trauma of the major part of anyone's adult life totally sabatoged and destroyed. Of course there's always "another one" waiting around the corner until and unless.... (1) I go and send in the "best" resume only to show up on interview day and get shown the door by the boss BEFORE he lets me enter the interviewing room, acknowledges my presence, or lets me say "Thank you for inviting me in for the interview" (2) I remember I have to spend thousands of dollars of my own on some kind of training (or retraining) (3) I remember I'm competing with hundreds of bright competent and qualified or overqualified twenty-somethings as against my sixty with the 300 failures under her belt.

Of course one of the prime "symptoms" of BPT is the phenomenom of "beating your head on the wall" so I'll probably get hurt this way again god-knows how many times before I croak....cause there's too much pressure from all sides....to do exactly that. Otherwise you're a failure at life and you have no one to blame but yourself, n'est-ce-pas??????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't work either, I suck at it. ;) Only I tend to blame overall stupidity and a really lousy memory for most of that--plus, okay, I admit it, I'm bone-lazy.

I too have been "borderline fired"--I like that expression, lol! So appropriate!

I'm now on SSI disability due to my various personality disorders, assorted neuroses and a crummy attitude generally known as depression.

*sigh*

And yes, "difficult" bosses are intolerable to me!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't work at the moment but thats because I'm focusing on University. I haven't worked for about two years because of having to deal with my various illnesses. I attribute the inability to work due to my experiences on the med go round rather than BPD. I just found out from a blood test that I have a lazy liver. I get pretty severe side effects.

I also have a low threshold with bosses. I've never been fired but I have always stormed out and fired myself ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

;) I don't work and haven't for about two years. I am a teacher by training and I was working as a supply/substitute teacher which allowed me flexiblity, but right now I have a hard time being conscious before noon - my meds make me sooo sleepy.

I am supposed to go back to work in Sept. 2008, but I'm afraid I won't be "better" and if that is the case and I can't return to work, I will lose my job. I've had a two year leave and that is the max I'm allowed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i work. full time. i've only been able to afford NOT working for about 6 months of my life since i was 14. by some stroke of insane luck, i've been able to drag my sad ass to work most of the time, even when my demons are at the height of their madness. i have alternated between working full time and part time, but i've always had some kind of job. work or get swallowed up by the unforgiving and patently evil world. i'm terrified that someday i am going to shut down completely and not be able to work at all. not so much terrified of not working - i would stop working in a HEARTBEAT if i could find a way to pay for a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and my meds to keep me from swinging from the branches. i hate working. i've learned to just suck it up, tune out, put in the hours, get paid, and pretend that those 8 hours of my day aren't real.

it's pretty scary to be honest ... i've worked while delusional, suicidal, manic panic out of my head mad ... even the people who do tend to notice some "changes" never really got beyond "are you ok? are you sure you're ok?" i've od'd at work, tried to commit suicide at work, left work without a word and returned another day as if nothing had happened, etc etc etc. i don't know why people put up with my crap. i am quite good at what i do, (or the several things i have done?) so i guess i'm just dumb lucky that i'm not THAT easily replaced.

that having been said, another thing that i've been quite lucky with is that most of my jobs have been sort of "go it alone" type positions. i'm not what you would call a "team player" ;) i've also never dealt with any serious anxiety issues. i hate people but i don't suffer from anxiety attacks when i'm around them. i just largely ignore them. (perhaps there IS a positive spin on narcissistic tendencies?)

i really do hate working.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I work. I can't stay in a job for long. I'm always looking for a new job while on the job because every job become unbearable after a few months. I then can't help but do things that will make my performance suffer. Then I try to find a job quickly so I have another job and I can quit before they fire me. I was fired once before and I am determined NOT to let that happen again. So I'm a perpectual job finder.

I can't stand most people that I work for. I have constant worry thought about going to work, doing my job, what my bosses think of me, whether I will get fired. So it is pretty miserable constantly. I have to work because of I am also paranoid about my finances. Also my narcisistic side won let myself take the blow of failures on the job.

I have gotten drunk at work, called ambulance to take me to the hospital at work, thought about suicide and killing everyone else at work. I often fantasize about my bosses die in an accident or being killed. That is the only way I feel I can escape. I manage my apparent competency at work and stuggle to keep it afloat. So far I'm still hanging in there by the thread. I am learning to radically accept it. I just feel so sad and so bad. I'm letting everyone (my parents) down. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...