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Another acute crisis...please help


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I'm not sure if it's ok to post this here...I hope it is. I'm having another acute crisis, I have had one almost every day for two weeks now and am so exhausted. I have been screaming and crying and chasing my fiance around our apartment for almost 4 hours...and now he's in another room and won't even speak to me. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do...I keep thinking about SI or killing myself and trying but then he wrestles stuff away from me...

I've gone to the ER twice in the last week for this and they haven't done anything...they just keep increasing my benzo dosage and sending me home. I've been off work for two days trying to get things together...yesterday was moderately good but tonight has just been a disastor. I haven't even had dinner or gotten anything ready that I need for work tomorrow so I just can't handle this anymore. I keep getting hurt by my fiance because I keep grabbing at knives or pills and he hurts me while trying to restrain me, and I'm to the point where I don't even care.

Are there other options? I don't see the point in going back to the ER but I also figure that it's pretty freakin' ridiculous to be asking for help on this from a message board.

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Hmmm....is there a crisis center you could call? One that would come to your home and evaluate you there? I'm asking because when I was in crisis I didn't even know crisis centers existed in my area (I'm in Massachusetts.) Try looking under mental health in your phone book. Or maybe your pdoc could get you admitted somewhere? I hope you can get some help, I know how hard it is to function in that condition.

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Thank you for your kind replies. Turns out there was a crisis hotline in my area and some nice guys did come to the house and try and talk me through it...they said if I'm ever worse or if I need help even faster they also have a "safe bed" they could take me to because it's easier than getting admitted into a hospital.

It's rough...I've missed 4 days of work due to this crap and I really have to be back on Monday but don't feel like I can handle it...which is really unfortunate because when I'm stressed or don't feel like I can handle something I usually have one of these attacks, which makes me scared for Sunday night. I figure I'll just try and deal as best as possible...have a good day tomorrow and take things one day at a time.

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Thank you for your kind replies. Turns out there was a crisis hotline in my area and some nice guys did come to the house and try and talk me through it...they said if I'm ever worse or if I need help even faster they also have a "safe bed" they could take me to because it's easier than getting admitted into a hospital.

It's rough...I've missed 4 days of work due to this crap and I really have to be back on Monday but don't feel like I can handle it...which is really unfortunate because when I'm stressed or don't feel like I can handle something I usually have one of these attacks, which makes me scared for Sunday night. I figure I'll just try and deal as best as possible...have a good day tomorrow and take things one day at a time.

I'm glad that you got some help that you were somewhat satisfied with and now you know that they are there if you need them in the future, which should be at least a little comforting and reassuring.

it is rough, no question about it. i would have to say that i am having similar episodes to the ones you have described, but replace "fiance" with "apartment mate" and a little here and there. it is really hard to deal, i know. I am sorry that that has to be the answer. I do wish that I could magically make it better and take away your pain, but.... yeah, blah.

you do have the right idea, though. try to have a good day tomorrow... very low stress. since you didnt mention anything specific, i assume that you do not have anything that you have to do... so do some things for yourself... just for you... you deserve it... and make sure to remind yourself of that, that you deserve a low-stress "it is all about me" day, ya know? take it all one day at a time. i know that sunday gets stressful because you know that the next day is monday and that all of the responsibilities will come back. try not to worry about that until monday comes, though.

i do not know what line of work you are in, but, even though I *know* that any job can be stressful at times, is there maybe a way that you can get yourself to maybe not think of your *job* as a whole as stressful, but just some of the aspects that it might entail? I don't know if that is possible for you, but i just thought that maybe thinking about it as a couple of small monsters might be better than one large beast.... if that logic even made the least bit of sense...

be well...

~Ophelia

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I'm glad that you got some help that you were somewhat satisfied with and now you know that they are there if you need them in the future, which should be at least a little comforting and reassuring.

it is rough, no question about it. i would have to say that i am having similar episodes to the ones you have described, but replace "fiance" with "apartment mate" and a little here and there. it is really hard to deal, i know. I am sorry that that has to be the answer. I do wish that I could magically make it better and take away your pain, but.... yeah, blah.

you do have the right idea, though. try to have a good day tomorrow... very low stress. since you didnt mention anything specific, i assume that you do not have anything that you have to do... so do some things for yourself... just for you... you deserve it... and make sure to remind yourself of that, that you deserve a low-stress "it is all about me" day, ya know? take it all one day at a time. i know that sunday gets stressful because you know that the next day is monday and that all of the responsibilities will come back. try not to worry about that until monday comes, though.

i do not know what line of work you are in, but, even though I *know* that any job can be stressful at times, is there maybe a way that you can get yourself to maybe not think of your *job* as a whole as stressful, but just some of the aspects that it might entail? I don't know if that is possible for you, but i just thought that maybe thinking about it as a couple of small monsters might be better than one large beast.... if that logic even made the least bit of sense...

be well...

~Ophelia

Thanks Ophelia, and I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the same stuff as me. You are right, I don't really have anything going on tomorrow so I'm just going to take it as it comes and try and enjoy the day. That seems the most reasonable thing at this particular point.

As for my job, it just feels like non-stop stress. I'm not sure if it's me or the job though (or a combination). I'm in HR...I do recruitmant for a lot of major companies in my city...and I have to deal with a lot of difficult people. I'm also in charge or marketing, resume screening, maintaining adequate staffing levels, health and safety, etc. etc. The worst part is that I'm supposed to be on-call 2 weeks out of the month (24/7) and I don't know how I'm going to handle that. I truly need to be able to leave work at work just to get through the job, and I don't think I'm the most reliable person to have on-call (as I'm sure many people on here can understand). For example, if someone at one of our work sites were to have a major accident and we were to need to get in touch with their emergency contact, and I'm on call but in the ER for one of my episodes, how is that going to help anyone? So that's my major stressor right now I'm afraid ;)

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Greengirl,

Now the crisis has sort of passed (not that things are now fine again, I'm not saying that at all) do you know what set it off, or what emotion you were feeling that triggered these thoughts of self harm and suicide? I just wondered if maybe we could look retroactively at what was going on and maybe I could let you know a couple of DBT techniques that you might try if this happens again. I'm not a DBT teacher, but I know a good materials website, and I am willing to talk with you about what I do to cope, because I used to have very similar crises.

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Greengirl,

Now the crisis has sort of passed (not that things are now fine again, I'm not saying that at all) do you know what set it off, or what emotion you were feeling that triggered these thoughts of self harm and suicide? I just wondered if maybe we could look retroactively at what was going on and maybe I could let you know a couple of DBT techniques that you might try if this happens again. I'm not a DBT teacher, but I know a good materials website, and I am willing to talk with you about what I do to cope, because I used to have very similar crises.

Hi Karuna,

Thank you for your kind offer to help. I've spent the last almost 48 hours in a constant fit of alternating crying/screaming and anger/emotional outbursts. It's getting ridiculous. I'm going into work tomorrow only because I have no other choice, but I have no idea how I'm going to bring myself to do it. I'm so tired and I was doing SI for the first time today and managed to hurt myself pretty bad.

As for what triggered it, I would say that's my biggest problem, I really have no idea. There never seems to be a trigger. Sleep sometimes is (if I think I'm not going to get enough), as are people saying things I perceive to be "insensitive" (which can include a lot of things) but in general, these attacks or whatever you want to call them seem to come out of nowhere.

I would very much appreciate any insight or techniques you would be willing to share with me. Do you ever have crisises like this anymore?

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I still have the emotions, but I don't feel the compulsion or drive to hurt or kill myself. I recommend that you check out www.dbstselfhelp.com for some ideas. i thought maybe you might have been able to identify an event that happened (I was sleep deprived, my boyfriend made a comment that I thought was insensitive etc) and then look at the emotion that followed it, and the action urge that went along with it (say, sadness/panic/anger = a desire to hide away/attack). Sometimes if you can look at that, you can figure out what to do to calm down and get a bit more centred. Take a look and see if it gives you any ideas anyway.

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