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Hey all. I am living with my inlaws (just started new job)(just moved to new city etc.) work is great, home is a stressor and a wreck. I barely have enough money to take care of my family. It feels like the house of cards are falling down (we have a home in Michigan that is not selling...I absolutly love that millstone around my neck as far as the mortgage that we are paying for a home we no longer live in. I picked up smoking again on occasion.... trying everything to feel better.... nothing works. Suicide is not even a possibility because I could never do that to the ones i love. I am trapped. I want to tell my DR to drug me up so that i feel nothing, even though everything seems to be gray now anyway. I no longer hear the voices (thanks Risperdal). I just want to wake up and find that it is all a bad dream or go to sleep until all of this is over...

The paxil doesn't work at 30mg.

The Dr. wants me to stop using xanax.

I tried getting drunk last night, i felt good for a while, payed for it this morning.

I am trying everything to feel better and nothing seems to stop the grey.

I meet with DR and therapist next Thursday. I am at the point of screaming HELP ME! because so far all i am getting is slight modifications to my meds. I want to feel better.

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Manny,

It's a stab in the dark, but I think what is getting to you is the house issue, and I don't think that you can medicate yourself into oblivion to run away from stress. Psychiatric meds are supposed to help us live a happier, more stable life, but we're all going to encounter stress, and in those times, often our meds won't be able to eliminate the stress and worry, because that stress and worry is natural, and anyone, MI or not, would feel it. I really sympathise because my family has been in your exact position, and it was the most stressful thing we have ever been through. By all means see your pdoc and see what they can do to help, but I suspect that taking the time to relax and release the stress and just riding out this time is going to be the solution here. Abusing alcohol and benzo's are not going to help much.

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I agree that meds won't be a successful solution, but they always help. If the anxiety is there then the xanax will help, but you should also be going to therapy to deal with the root causes. THey should help get the "grey" away or at least get you to see it for what it is: A crappy time that you need to make the best of. More paxil may take the endge off. COnvey to your doc what you just told us here.

This probably isn't what you were looking for, I don't want you to feel dissed or anything. You are in a crap situtaion adn I can understand you feeling like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I've been at the point of "Just give me anything to help me cope!" and used booze, pot, cigerettes, shopping, sex, exercise, etc to try to get myself out. Hey, exercise may help you a bit, at least get you out of the house and let off some steam. Endorphins are always good too. I tend to think the stress is your body's way of telling you that the situation needs to change. How to do that in your case, I'm not sure.

I'm also glad that you have enough sense to realize suicide isn't the answer and does major harm to those around you. Hang in there and be strong. Serenity prayer and all that jazz.

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