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Gained 3-5 lbsLBS


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hiya-

i get VERY paranoid and hectic if i gain any weight, even if it is muscle weight. i started working out for summer and have actually gained weight. at the gym, they say this is muscle weight and that the muscle will increase my metabolism so more fat is burned, but in the meantime, i'm stuck with numbers on the scale i don't like.

my legs are getting fatter, my arms are getting fatter, my abs are always and will always be fat, and i'm just a mongoose. i can't get it out of my head, no matter what i try. it seems like things aren't even real (well, they may not be...). i can't take a shower or change my clothes without seeing water dribble down my fat rolls.

someone, please tell me that i'm ok, and that i'm not a terrible walking example of obesity? i'm 5'4 and now 115lbs- i GAINED weight- uggg- i can hardly admit it- you'd be so repulsed by my fat rolls. i wear stretch jeans because my waist is too wide for my size in pants, another proof that i'm obsese. i can hardly stand it. sometimes i just want to cut off my fat with a knife. i have visions of just cutting it off so i'll be thin.

sometimes i have a good body image and feel good about myself, and other times i want to cut off my fat rolls. help! yes, my pdoc knows and that's one reason i take abilify.

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A mongoose?

Here's a little trick coming from someone who recovered from three eating disorders (yes, I had all of them).

Don't weigh yourself. Ever. Just don't.

Gauge your body size by how your clothes fit you. Your "actual" weight doesn't matter. It's just a number. A number for you to judge yourself by and obsess over. A number that is going to vary according to how that particular scale is calibrated. A number that is going to fluctuate naturally in a healthy person anyway. So stop weighing yourself.

If you have a scale, throw it out. Don't step on the scales at the grocery store or at the gym - just walk right by 'em and stick out your tongue at them.

If you must be weighed at a doctor's office, ask them to not tell you what the scale says. For several years into my recovery, I would tell the docs I was recovering from an eating disorder and ask them to not tell me my weight. They complied 100% of the time.

Stop weighing yourself. Scales suck. And by the way - you are not a mongoose!

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Yo, you're not a mongoose.

Seriously, if your jeans don't fit, get another pair. Your weight sounds healthy for your height. The majority of women have fat rolls on our tummies, it's fat stored to cushion and protect babies and help sustain pregnancies, even anorexics have little pouches of the little body fat they have left on their abdomen. The only people who don't have *any* fat rolls at all are supermodels with freakish genes, or people who have had lipo. You are trying to attain something impossible. I know this is hard to get your head around and I forget and call myself a mongoose all the time. But when these thoughts come, try to see them as the unrealistic and bizarre suggestions that they are and refuse to buy into it.

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I just wanted to sympathize with you...I'm very much the same way. I gained over 50lbs on Paxil which was very hard to lose, and have had serious issues ever since. I'm about 125lb and I'm 5'5, and everyone is always telling me that's "fine" but I can't stand it! I know I can get lower but then I see the numbers on the scale jump and I freak out.

I just wanted to say that although I haven't been strong enough to do it myself yet, I would definitely agree with the recommendation to throw out the scale. I'm brutal if I see the numbers jump, I also feel like cutting my fat and I think none of my clothes fit...but I know it's in my head because if the numbers go down, suddenly everything feels fine. So if I could just be strong enough to get rid of the scale, I think I'd save myself a lot of agony.

Good luck!

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i know all of this stuff logically, but my problem doesn't allow me to think in those terms. i'm also not strong enough to throw away the scale yet.

i know that exercising is going to make me gain weight (muscle weight), and i'm going to go nutso...i've got to get rid of the scale.

today my size 4 pants didn't fit so i had to get out the size 6 ones...MONGOOSE!!!

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Get rid of the damn scale. If you have ANY sort of eating/body image issue, it will be a trigger. Plus, they differ a lot. On one scale I was suddenly 5 kg (11 lbs) lighter than on the one at home.

How is the Abilify gonna help? Seems more like a low self-esteem issue to me.

I'm not always that great with my body image either, so I feel you. It sucks. I try to focus on other stuff to keep me from obsessing too much. Is that possible?

I hope you realize that calling yourself a mongoose on an eating disorder board when having a BMI in the lower normal range can be a trigger. Talking about your problems is one thing, but saying that this and that weight and height is fat is another.

ALSO remember that sizes vary with brands. I've worn everything from XS to L, at the same weight.

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i know all of this stuff logically, but my problem doesn't allow me to think in those terms. i'm also not strong enough to throw away the scale yet.

i know that exercising is going to make me gain weight (muscle weight), and i'm going to go nutso...i've got to get rid of the scale.

today my size 4 pants didn't fit so i had to get out the size 6 ones...MONGOOSE!!!

Try not to stress too much about it...I haven't been strong enough to throw out the scale either and have pretty much the exact same reactions as you. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I think the best thing to do is to try and realize that you are a healthy size, and that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are not a Mongoose! I'm sure there are times when you are able to realize that....I know sometimes I can, but then other times I get completely irrational (often also when I have to put on a size 6 instead of a 4). I've stopped exercising because I couldn't take the weight gain...whereas if I just got rid of the damn scale then it wouldn't be an issue!

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Actually, you'd have to do an incredible amount of weight lifting to build enough muscle mass to weigh more. Weight lifting will do you good to tone up and burn calories, but you won't beef out.

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;) good point dweii- things can be triggery. i take abilify because my pdoc wants a stronger ceiling on my mania and also something to stop psychosis in high mania and suicidal depression. i'm "fighting" with him right now over the abilify. i think it keeps me down to the point where i actually get depressed. i'll keep you posted on the cocktails board...

supergwen- how do i fit through the door? :) sometimes my distorted view of things makes me think i can't, that's how distorted i get. but i do fit through the door.

karuna- while i do put on bulk easily, i don't believe curves too much that it is muscle in the beginning. i think it is that i give myself permission to eat more due to the exercise. i don't know, as i'm not an exercise guru.

the good news is that one of my friends who hasn't seen me in a few years saw me last night and said i looked great, not too fat and not too thin, so that helps me to reset my inner gauge.

sometimes i just have these battles, and then they go away.

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