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please help me....i hate myself right now

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so ......i did it again

sex with someone who does not give a flying fuck about me....i wish i were dead

its been awhile since i have felt like this.

does anyone know what i mean?

I know... I have been there before... a nice few times...

i know that it can really make you feel shitty about yourself...

please do not wish that you were *dead,* though, hon... not bc of this. yes, i am sure that there are a lot of emotions and thoughts firing through you right now, and god knows i have felt that way as well....

maybe just try to think about it this way... someone suggested it to me once: you havent really done anything wrong, you havent hurt anyone either, etc....

...I mean, I know that that doesn't really help how you feel about yourself and how the event effected you... and i really wish that i could take away the feelings of worthlessness and such leading you to wish that you were dead.... i am sorry that you feel this way.... it will get better, though, hon... really...

just know that i know what you mean and where you are coming from.... and i'm here...

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*puts hand up* been there, done that, felt totally ashamed too.

BUT, I do think that it's important to have some perspective on it, rather than run with the negative thoughts your emotions are triggering. You made a mistake. We all do. For all I know the person you had sex with might have led you to think that they cared for you more than they did. You might have been vulnerable for a whole load of reasons. I don't think you need to berate yourself endlessly because other factors might've been involved in your decision to have sex.

Hopefully you didn't have unsafe sex and used contraception that protected you from STD's. You sound like you knew pretty quickly afterwards that it was an unwise idea. That is progress, maybe in the past you wouldn't have come to feel like this so quickly. Maybe you can remember how this feels and resist doing this next time. We all make mistakes, most people have a story like this lurking in their past. While you have done something to temporarily damage your self respect, remember that you are a worthy, dignified person no matter what, and this event does not have to define who you are forever. I think you need to accept that this event was in the past, it did happen, but it doesn't make you worthless or crap, and just focus on the present. Pamper yourself a bit, do nice things that make you feel good, I know your brain will resist it and want to stay upset and devalued. But try your best to spoil yourself, make a list of your good points, do whatever you healthy thing that you can restore the feeling of being worth something and enjoying yourself.

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  • 2 months later...

I've been there too hun.

Feel so numb you do anything to feel something and then find the only thing you feel is crap???

I've started meditating to get me through those crappy times, it takes some persistance but i find it's worth it.


Take care. ((((((((HUGS))))))))


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