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high tolerance for xanax and the nurses poke

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so i am prescribed 2 different strenghts of xanax .05 and 1s 120 of each strengh per month

and ambiencr 12.5 60 of those

and trazdone and alot of other downers

is my pdoc trying to kill me?

he even told me what the "street value" of all my rxs were worth....30$ each for 1mg xanax btw.......

my pharm a ;) t target must really think i am a nutjob!

i am in a restless fog of depression

so sick of this shit!

i would seriously end my life but i think if i swallowed all those pills i would still be alive!

i gave a friend of mine ONE 1mg xanax and it knocked him on his ass! he fell asleep and got a sluury almost immediatley!

i can pop those suckers all day long and NOTHING!!!!!!!!

i swallowed like 20 1s and had shot after shot of vodka and got so scared i called 911 on mYSELF

but i was still coherant enough to answer the paramedics inane questions and make jokes that they laughed to.

well i got to the hospital i heard a crying baby and i SNAPPED

i thought of my son that died and blamed it on all the meds i was prescribed and basically made a scene and shouted that i wished i were DEAD!!!!!!

some big burly guy says "well; there we go" like he ws just WAITING to hear those words and i was strapped down at the hands and legs.

that did not stop me from tearing out my iv with my teeth!

the last thing i remember is a nurse with a large needle aiming for my arm and then sweet nothingness

what i want to know is......i had so much xanax and vodka in my system...what did she give me?

arent they afraid to kill me with an over dose?

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I'm so jealous. Seriously I want Xanax and Ambien sooo bad. I am too anxious to leave the house and can't sleep.

Anyway.. They probably just gave you an older antipsychotic or something (Thorazine?)

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I reckon it was probably something like zyprexa - I believe that is used quite frequently in ER cases like this.

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. If you're even remotely suicidal/unsafe it's a seriously bad idea to have so many downer meds around you. Have you seen your pdoc since your hosptilisation? It really sounds like seriously poor professional behaviour on his part to write out scripts for that amount of medication, particularly given your current state of mind. At the very least there should be an anti-depressant in there somewhere.

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he rwites me so many scripts and i get so confused

i have a little basket of scripts that have not been filled yet and they just sit

i am sure there are some anti's in there but i cannot afford all of them so i fill the ones that i feel i "need"

i have an appt next week

he always rushes me out but this time i am going to go in with a list of topics and concerns and MAKE him answer lol!

and macao (sp)....i think restoril is a "pam" drug; same as xanax and valium in which the generics always end in a "pam" like alprazolam and tenazepam...i hope this makes sense.

and ambien is a hypnotic sleeping pill which DOES NOT put me to sleep...i am just up all night on the computer sending emails i dont remember etc.

but it works GREAT the first week or so; then i build a tolerance; so they are useless.

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