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how does the cycle change you?


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Just wondering if anyone else experiences this. I go through a cycle and once I get off I look back at the start and where I was and what I was doing and think, oh wow, you're a bit different now, you've changed. In many ways this is a good thing, if I am going to learn something, and move forward with it. But, I've noticed that my interests change along with it, which is the frustrating bit. For example I was studying photography last year, and had a mixed episode brought on by lexapro, and then after that the first half of the semester seemed like years ago, and I was already gravitating to something else. And that was working within the animal rights movement. Now I have just gone on the wizzy ride again I find I am being dumped at the end with a seemingly waning interest in continuing to work in the movement.

Is this just part of the ride?

Or does it take some work to reintroduce yourself to your interests, and get motivated about them again.

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well, since you want to know a bit about us, hi, my name is loon. you can see my MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/violetfire1978. i think that if you're interested in knowing about me, it is easier to just go there than for me to type out my life history.

as far as changing or going through phases, i feel like, contrary to what most BPers feel, much more creative and poetic in my depressive phases. i just feel outright crazy, like the archtypical party girl, in my manic phases.

in school i was either the class slut and rebel or the class writer and poet, depending on my mood episode at the given time. i had a lot of friends because of my wide mood variances. it was like i was a different person from one mood to the next. sometimes i loved school and sometimes didn't bother to go, sometimes i loved just one boyfriend and sometimes i fucked everything with a penis (or later, vagina).

at work, i'd continue this interest/disinterest, talent/ineptitude cycle. it landed me on SSDI.

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well, since you want to know a bit about us, hi, my name is loon. you can see my MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/violetfire1978. i think that if you're interested in knowing about me, it is easier to just go there than for me to type out my life history.

Hey Loon,

I tried to see your myspace but you have it set up as private. I can add you to mine, but it requires that I stick in your surname or email address. Anyhow, that's up to you. My myspace is not really about me so much as I'm setting it up as part of a queer vegan campaign I'm working on, but I can add you for sure.

Do you remember when I was on here as Hollow Log? Well, I remember reading your old springer and other posts then, so I already feel like I know you to some degree.

I haven't written my life history on here either, and I don't think I can be bothered setting up another myspace for myself. Though I think I leave enough of a trail of who I am through my posts! As do everyone else me thinks.

I wish I felt creative in my depressive phases. It is such a waste of time for me. You're lucky to have the urge to do that, and I imagine it probably helps during those times.

I'm guessing SSDI is a disability benefit right? We call it disability support pension here, and I'm on it too. I was just review in december I think, and it's so important that I stay on it, mainly to pay for lamictal, and as a safety net if I cannot work due to going nuts.

I'm thinking my animal rights interest will come back. It's kinda sparking in me a bit here, a bit there. I so wish I could have been the class slut in high school. I couldn't be as a gay guy in a country town. If I gave more than a 5 second look at most guys I'd be at risk of getting my head bashed in. Though I thought some of them were really hot, being country boys. I guess, out comes my obsession and fascination with cowboys, and the irony lately is that I have been going to rodeos to video them with others in a coordinated effort to shut them down, and kick cowboy butt!! We are still working on Victoria, but a friend of mine has really done some great work in South Australia to get rodeos cancelled. Going to a rodeo I have to look and talk like a cowboy, so I don't get singled out as an activist with a camera and get hauled into some shed and bashed. They are certainly on the look out as it's their livelihood that we are fucking with. One activist in South Australia has permanent damage to her left shoulder after being bashed up by a cowboy in full view of the crowd. She was first thrown in a horse trough before he laid into her. The cowboy only got a suspended sentence and court costs.

Anyhow my seroquel is kicking in, so I better go to sleep before I become imobolised in this chair.

I'm thinking it must be early morning where you are, so have a good day!

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