AAAAAAHHHHHGGGG! I HATE Depersonalization

[Panz]

I've had bout of transient depersonalization, usually mixed with dissociation. But lately it has become my twisted psychs favorite toy. I feel like I'm a marionette , like I'm both out side my body viewing myself as is I were a complete stranger and trapped inside a body that doesn't feel like my own. My face feels like a soft mask. My hands feel like paper. The more I get into some of the crap from my past or try to remember beyond the veil of nothingness the worse it gets. Sometimes it's hard to engage my mouth to my thought process and talk. It feel either like someone else is speaking through my mouth or that I'm speaking through the mouth of a stranger.

Tonight I'm like a helium balloon, bobbling above and behind the body. I can hear other people talking in the mind, but i'm detatched and alien to my own self. GGGAAAAAAHHHHH

I REALLY HATE THIS

It is driving me buggy, ok, I know, I'm buggy anyway, but you know what I mean. More worster badder buggy.

It's like being abducted by an alien who turns out to be yourself. I'm trying to just accept it, as my way of dealing with re-opened wounds, of just dealing, but it's getting damned annoying

Panz is not amused

(and yet there is something b-movie-on-acid funny about it all)

Sorry, just had to vent some steam

[abifae]

*grin* i've always been so depersonalized that i feel weird in those moments when i'm NOT... sudden moments of personalization? they plagued my healing and drove me nuts. lol.

Tonight I'm like a helium balloon, bobbling above and behind the body. I can hear other people talking in the mind, but i'm detatched and alien to my own self.

that is a wonderful description!! i feel that from the entire rest of the population. i don't know if there is a word for it. and i feel it quite often from the body itself. i don't think i'm attached to much of anything, in anyway. although i find it comforting. i think my autism is part of that though.

if it's not a comfy, natural state of being for you then i am sure you will eventually stop doing it as you work through icky crap from your past. not very comforting probably, huh? but we're always here for you to blow off steam at about it even if we look blankly and say "but it's such a nice feeling to not have to be so INVOLVED in it all!" *grin*

abi

[wifezilla]

That fact that you can still find some humor in the situation is a good sign.

[lysergia]

for what its worth i totally, totally relate and i'm sorry you're floating too. hang on, panz.