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It's me and I'm bright and...I can't pull off this false happiness anymore.


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Hey, umm...so I'm a student in a pre-engineering program. I basically want to become a computer engineer, I think. I haven't quite decided for certain that I don't want to go into electrical engineering yet. I'm taking Intro Physics and Trig and Analytic Geometry over the summer. I'm going into the summer of my freshman year, or is it the summer of my sopohmore year? Eh, who cares.

Anyway to the interesting stuff. I have depression and anxiety issues. My family might have gypsy blood, or something that makes us have dreams of the future and incredibly good luck at guessing what the unrevealed truth is due to headaches.

Eh, I personally don't buy into that whole psychic stuff but the fact that my mother use to have vivid dreams that told the future and I have a very odd ability to pick from a number of choices the right one 97% of the time by sensing what direction my headache is from seems pretty odd. It's weird I noticed that gift when I was in fourth grade and I could find any card I cared to from a deck shuffled by another person and layed out on the table/ground by another person when I had my eyes tightly closed. It was kind of weird I concentrated on the card and ran my hand about 1/2 foot above the cards and the stronger the signal that I was right the closer moved my hands to where the cards were until I touched the card that always ended up being the right card.

It's really odd that when I thought that something must be wrong with me because I wasn't able to be religious like the rest of my family I stopped being able to do it. I guess I ended up suppressing my gift whenever I tried to embrace God. Then I realized how unhappy Christianity made me and how happy I was and the less medication I needed in order to be able to function when I stayed far away from any religion. I still wonder by the way my mother treats me if I'm not broken in regards to my faith. I'm too far in agnosticism now to doubt myself on if I was right about religion.

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Hi and welcome to the boards.

Don't know what to type in regards to the whole religion thing.

I'm not religious/spiritual myself, mainly because it just doesn't work logically in my head.

Too many things I found to be contradictory.

Anyway...welcome to the boards and if you need any help PM any of the mods/admins.

Or click on the help link in the upper right corner.

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Anyway to the interesting stuff. I have depression and anxiety issues. My family might have gypsy blood, or something that makes us have dreams of the future and incredibly good luck at guessing what the unrevealed truth is due to headaches.

I would make a comment about either matt throwing dice or savings throws, but either one would peg me as a geek so I'm biting my tongue.

Eh, I personally don't buy into that whole psychic stuff but the fact that my mother use to have vivid dreams that told the future and I have a very odd ability to pick from a number of choices the right one 97% of the time by sensing what direction my headache is from seems pretty odd. It's weird I noticed that gift when I was in fourth grade and I could find any card I cared to from a deck shuffled by another person and layed out on the table/ground by another person when I had my eyes tightly closed. It was kind of weird I concentrated on the card and ran my hand about 1/2 foot above the cards and the stronger the signal that I was right the closer moved my hands to where the cards were until I touched the card that always ended up being the right card.

It's really odd that when I thought that something must be wrong with me because I wasn't able to be religious like the rest of my family I stopped being able to do it. I guess I ended up suppressing my gift whenever I tried to embrace God. Then I realized how unhappy Christianity made me and how happy I was and the less medication I needed in order to be able to function when I stayed far away from any religion. I still wonder by the way my mother treats me if I'm not broken in regards to my faith. I'm too far in agnosticism now to doubt myself on if I was right about religion.

Do you believe in magic, are you an atheist, do you think you're sorta insane or some combination of the above?

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I'm definatly not an atheist for any time period longer than 1 hour although I might be overall an atheist any given day. About the magic thing I'm not certain. And I hope I'm not insane.

Oh and about the geek thing, I have the Call of Cthulhu 6th edition rule book, and 4 supplements, as well as a 7 piece set of glow in the dark RPG dice. I also have a copy of the Hero Quest game system in the closet somewhere. It's hard to find people that are willing to go on adventures that know how to preserve their pieces long enough and adlib to their heart's content. And the type of area that I live in killed off every game shop that didn't have video game systems long ago. Now the closest one is 45 min away. God you would think that with all the engineers in this town they might be able to keep something still here...oh wait I forgot the D&D sections in every book and every game store around here... but that still doesn't explain how hard it is to find dice. And I'm not sure my dad kept all his old D&D things.

It is so hard to find things to do. It feels so weird not having to do school work. At least that ends as of next week when the first of my two classes starts. Although it's going to be heavy in graphs and I hate graphs. At least I can take Calc 1 after this. At least I can take Calc 1 after this. But the other work won't be that bad. I liked trig when it got away from the graphing part and into the math proofs.

Also is it just me or is anyone else seriously thinking about immigrating to Canada?

Oh yeah one good thing that I have to wait really long for like over a month but it's a Tool concert. I'm so happy I can see Tool in concert and the tickets didn't cost an arm and a leg.

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I have found I don't do well with contridictions. What is religion? A giant pile of contridictions. So dropping religion was like a big weight being lifted from my shoulders. Same thing with my hubby. I know it works for some people and if it leads to adding "goodness" to the world, I don't really have a problem with religion in general. Some family members have not been happy with our lack of religion, but it hasn't really interferred too much. You do get weird reactions sometimes. Maybe because we have thought through our beliefs (or lack there of) and are confident in our stance...plus we are both over 40, so generally don't give a shit what anyone else thinks, it really doesn't impact us much. YMMV.

As for the magic/vivid dreaming stuff, I am no help. I think I would be what you call "metaphysically challenged" ;)

I took this online geek/nerd/ dork test at cupid.com and ended up scoring in the 99th% in all three catagories for people my age and gender. Yes, I am a geek, nerd AND a dork. Too much Star Trek? Marathon sessions of Star Fleet Battles (I was usually the Gorn), and a love of the game Gamma World? Early exposure to video games? An addiction to bad Japanese monster movies as a kid? Contributors? Naaaa.....I think I was just born a geek!

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The geek thing sounds so familiar only for me more things need to be added. I use to watch Star Trek marathons with my dad when I was a kid, I've seen the original versions of Star Wars at least 6 times with my parents. Oh yeah and early exposure to D&D books. It wouldn't be too far off to say both of my parents are sci-fi junkies. Eh, my dad is just a geek period. He's even going to Dayton on Wed.

Although one thing that I have very different from my parents is my collection of classic literature. I have enough to cover an entire zip-code and I still want more. I think part of that may be that I want a French version of the Count of Monte Cristo, a German version of Faust among some other things. My thirst for books seems almost unquenchable. I guess the smell of books is comforting for me.

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