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NO MEDS = DEPRESSION WORSE!MAY trigger


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Yesterday was mothers day, and it sucked, but the fact of the matter is, I still dont have any meds bc my hubby had to train today and I couldnt get my military id...so last night... ;):) I spent it in the tub, trying not to cut my wrists, and I have never ever cut myself to die...only for the pain and relief, and last night was the first night I wondered if I would die if i cut this deep or that, i wasnt thinking straight, and I know my depression has gotten so so much worse..it sucks even on good days, i still either want to die, or think about ways to die.and I know everyone around me would call me selfish, think about the baby inside you...but it isnt like I have done it...you know?? And you can be pregnant and still have depression and suicidal thoughts, does that make me a bad person??? it doesnt help that Iam extremely paranoid, about everything right a bit in part bc of my schizophrenia..I wake up everyday, not even knowing why the hell Iam alive?? WhY cant I be happy like so many others, why does it even when I finally have a kid inside me tha tI want, then I still am depressed?? Why??? I hope when I get on wellbutrin, the only b-category drug..for pregnancy it will cure me ofthis ..I know there is no cure for depression, but maybe at least it would make me be depressed only when normal people should, when things are going wrong...

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but maybe at least it would make me be depressed only when normal people should, when things are going wrong...

This is exactly how I feel sometimes too, so I know what you mean. My pdoc actually told me that "most women are so happy about being pregnant that the depression goes away." He's an ass, so don't believe him on that one. I know I don't.

You are just thinking the way you are because you are not on your meds right now. It will get better, so keep your chin up.

Denise

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hi tired...

my pdoc has repeatedly told me that pregnancy is worse for a MI woman than when the baby actually pops out. I hope this is true for all of us.

in 1st & 2nd trimesters my meds were raised - well - specifically seroquel.

and being depressed and suicidal does NOT make you a bad person. You have a favor of MI that is very likely to get worse when pregnant. i mean, a preggers lady's body goes through so many changes and so many hormones go wacky.

i was a bit suicidal for a while during this pregnancy...but i did not want to kill my baby. thats one of the big reasons i never did it. But i want you to know i do understand being depressed & suicidal while pregnant.

Im also very paranoid about a lot of crap - preggers related and not. some members on CB think that paranoid people should not have children or something (see my whatever thread). fuck them. paranoids are just as capable of being good parents as anyone else.

I hope you are able to get your meds and that you & pdoc can find a comfortable medium for you until the baby comes out.

much love,

december

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I spent it in the tub, trying not to cut my wrists, and I have never ever cut myself to die...only for the pain and relief, and last night was the first night I wondered if I would die if i cut this deep or that, i wasnt thinking straight, and I know my depression has gotten so so much worse..it sucks even on good days, i still either want to die, or think about ways to die.

;):)

I can relate! I never cut myself to die either, just to FEEL BETTER and ease the pain. :cussing: it works, at least for me :wtf: Like you, when I am feeling at my worst, I have become more and more daring, wondering what would happen if I cut myself deeper, or in a different place closer to a vein. I've done other stupid things to "see what it was like" and to see just how much it takes, some things I'm too embarrassed to mention (but I'm sure I have, in a previous post). Also, on good days, I'm scared things are going to get worse again, and I try to console myself that I can always just end it, that's always a solution, I tell myself. Just because sometimes I'm feeling better doesn't mean that I no longer have the option to end it if things get worse again

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