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oldmedina--

Pretty much the same here. Right down to the androgyny (though as far as I can tell, only in looks and not hormones, anatomy, or sexual desires). We differ by maybe my more severe depression when I'm not under proper meds and therapy.

I had the math geekiness until my brain started getting eaten up by an infection 2 years ago (n.B. - part of the damage is likely reversible). I'm still geeky and nerdy in other subjects (namely science) when possible, so that does count I guess.

The only label I share with you is Asperger, and that's subject to a toss-up as well. I probably do have a borderline variant, since like you, I have borderline emotions, but I hold it all in, like you do.

And I know how it is to have no friends, but wanting to have some. I think I only made friends in high school and college since I was surrounded by many like-minded geeks and nerds in those places. In high school, for example, we trash-talked using calculus terms ("yeah well, integrate the function f'(u)du, jackass!")**. Anyways.

The MMPI labeled me as "likely suffering from schizotypal personality disorder", though pretty much none of my clinicians (or myself, for that matter) listen to the MMPI. I think I've been misanthropic the past few years, due to being screwed over by others (and sometimes by myself!).

Anyways, hope this helps, and I'm also glad to have another like-minded individual on here... that said, everybody here on CB is at least a bit eccentric!

**For those of you who don't suffer from math nerdiness, the answer is F(u). (Or, F(u)+C if you're really picky about it). For some reason, I do believe I trash-talked calculus a lot with the now lead singer of Click Five (in any event, we took Calculus class together). YMWV.

***Did I mention I had OTS (off-topic syndrome)?

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oldmedina--

Thanks for your concern. It really is appreciated.

As for my infection/encephalitis, it'll be treated this summer. Doctors often have a very difficult time finding the culprit organism that caused it, since there are so many possibilities (too many to test for in all practicality). They'll probably spinal tap me and then proceed to load me with antiviral (acyclovir; very benign drug) and some semi-broad spectrum antibiotics (not so benign, at least for my GI tract). They probably won't find the causative organism in the spinal tap, but the doctors*** who have examined my history and MRI feel that infectious encephalitis is almost certainly the problem, and right now consider it justified to give me lots of antiviral and antibiotics. (n.B. - that's the standard procedure for patients who come to the ER with the more deadly acute encephalitis diseases.)

In any event, I do hope they're able to reverse some of the damage (or at least stop further damage), since my plan is to go into grad school for engineering in 2008, and I've got to spend a "fifth year senior" thing the next two semesters (2007-2008) to catch up to engineering program prerequisites.

***[only applies to the doctors I've shown my case to up North, the ones where I spent the last 15 months (down South) don't exactly think of infectious encephalitis when a bipolar science researcher walks in with a chronic stiff neck, constant fever, and neuro symptoms.]

Also, about the tattoo. I suggest putting the entire integral (integral of f'(u)du) on there, just so people either 1) won't get it, or 2) have to think about it for a second, and only if they know calculus. Just make sure that the symbols are tattoed correctly. ;)

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i'm really glad that there is still a lot they can do for the infection. are they going to give you occupational therapy, too?

that would be most awesome if you still did your grad program as scheduled. i have always wanted to study engineering (or, at least, cs); but, i have never had the self-confidence to do it. always undermined myself, and wasted both high school and college on stoopid liberal arts courses i knew i'd blow through without even working at it much. bad move. i don't recommend it.

i was kind of unpredictable in that stuff, anyway, though- was always an ace at calculus and algebra; so-so at physics, and sucked at chemistry and geometry.

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