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it's official, my entire life is lived on crazyboards. (actually, not really but.)

i signed papers with my ex today. one step closer to getting a divorce.

i feel like i'm leaving my gay life behind.

but i haven't really changed, so that's a weird thing to think.

sigh.

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Hi PJ:

I wasnt aware of the condition of your relationship....im so sorry.

divorce is painful - regardless if its gay or hetero.

im still messed up over mine. i dont know how to heal those parts of me. other than divorce has really changed my views on marriage. i would like to be married again some day....but the person would HAVE TO accept the lines of "in sickness & in health."

sending peace,

december

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i was married to a female for five years and when we divorced... i was so sick of females! lol. i can see why guys just want girls around for sex but not to live with or have a relationship with ;) i've always been bi, but i've definitely moved more towards the "play with anyone, live with males" side of things.... i got really burnt out on the games girls play, especially since i don't understand them at all, let alone play them (which my ex took great advantage of, but i won't go there :/).

in what way are you leaving your gay life behind?

abi

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ah Peej

give yourself a hug woman

divorce is so like a death imo, let yourself mourn

do whatever it takes to get yourself through this

you're still you

you survived

you're surviving

live, breathe, love, hope

live

sending you much love from this side of the screen PJ

take care of you ok?

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  • 4 weeks later...

hope you are well PeeJ

please share when/if you have time any coping strategies that are/will/might help others

truthfully I've still much stuffed inside re: separation that occurred many many moons ago

it's almost like i treasure the pain of it all or some other wacked out thing

why else would i not confront feelings that divorce/separation stir up

ah queer as in sensitive to other's feelings and outlook on life and love?

only goodness comes from you to others here on cb

take time for you, ok

treasure the You gah I just cannot seem to write the feelings I'm trying to share

you =good

divorce= suckyness

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yeah, i'm still queer.

You are very queer dear PJ. Oh, wait, you meant the other meaning.

you should have wrote, 'you are very queen, dear PJ'.

CHUCKIT, i'm not really sure. I think a major thing for me is to keep keep keep telling myself that i actually really value the past ten years, and i really don't regret that I married her. I still really care about her, it just wasn't working - because of my MI, because of maybe other reasons, and things were getting really unhealthy, but i think that stuff that happened was a lesson for both of us and neither one of us is entirely to blame. I don't think I could hate her. I don't think I could ever say that I shouldn't have married her. She's with someone else now, and I am too, and I think we're both in a better place.

If I was married to someone who was incredibly horrible to me, I think it would be harder to reconcile it all, but i think the lessons would still be there, and that these are ultimately valuable.

it had something to do with remembering too, who i was before i met her, and not seeing the person i've become as somehow erased because we separated and divorced, but also reclaiming things i might have let go because of who i thought i should be for her. i guess what i'm saying is that there's a lot in there about the self, that is actually a gift if i can somehow use it to be good to myself.

i think it is certainly easier because we didn't fight over property, and we didn't have children to complicate things. neither one of us is doing so well financially that the other can really demand support, and in general it's just been really amicable. i think this is really lucky, but i suspect it's more than luck -- i think her and i were both mature enough to realize that getting spiteful at each other and trying to get more or even drilling into minutae of fairness (how many CDs did we each take from the collection, and wait, that one's mine!) that would cause unnecessary heartache. it's really all just stuff. respect is far more important than stuff. i think two people, if they can respect each other enough to agree that it's not working, can somehow work to respect that each person needs to make a life on their own or in another context, and deserves the resources to do so. sometimes that is not equal.

there are also all kinds of ways people can be completely ruthless, and i'm generally too naive to expect this but i know it's true for a lot of people. sometimes, being nice just isn't possible. sometimes it would be the wrong thing to do. but if it's only to reinforce the underlying emotions of anger (you always undermined me so i'm going to undermine your fucking pocketbook for all it's worth) is not only wrong, but harmful to everyone -- especially self.

i don't know. it's also different if one person doesn't want a divorce, and so papers have to be served. this can be for so many reasons, sometimes just simply one partner not wanting to let go, being in denial that it's over, or trying to continue some kind of emotional manipulation to keep having power, or out of needing to not be abandoned..

maybe however messy it gets, it's still there as an opportunity to self-examine.

but maybe i'm just queer that way too -- way more introspective than the average jane.

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  • 7 months later...

Hello...I can't believe I found this board..It is exactly what I need right now...My wife just left me 3 weeks ago for another woman...I am devastated...heartbroken...I cant imagine what Im going to do or be without her..I ended up being admitted for a while to the mental hospital..I pretty much lost my mind, and thenm swallowed a whole bottle of pills..Anyway, Im sure you all know how devastating it is...I am just now trying to figure out my next move..Should I change my job? Should I start dating again just so I can stop thinking about her? Uggh...just a response from anyone would be perfect...Jess

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Why would you want to change your job? Do you work together? If so, then yeah, maybe start looking for something new WHEN you're more stable.

Dating so soon isn't really a good idea. Going out with FRIENDS is a good idea, though.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Why would you want to change your job? Do you work together? If so, then yeah, maybe start looking for something new WHEN you're more stable.

Dating so soon isn't really a good idea. Going out with FRIENDS is a good idea, though.

Going out with friends, family...nothing seems to be working. I am just reminded of her and miss her more, not having her to share my days with..No, we dont work together, but she met her present girlfriend at my job..when she had stopped in to visit me...

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Going out with friends, family...nothing seems to be working. I am just reminded of her and miss her more, not having her to share my days with..No, we dont work together, but she met her present girlfriend at my job..when she had stopped in to visit me...

I'm reminded of that old song "Always Something There To Remind Me"

Looking at the posting dates, I'd hazard a guess that you really, really have not had the time to fully grieve the loss of your relationship. Being by yourself all the time is still new, and most people would still be expecting her to walk back in like she's only been away for a short trip...

My gut feeling is that you shouldn't be considering doing much more than working, paying the bills, slowly making your space yours again - And any one of those is a hell of a lot ! If you have the resources, counselling would be a good idea. Not just for having a non-judging person to vent at, but a good therapist can help point towards ways of learning to live again.

Any of that make sense?

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  • 1 month later...

noticing that-about the dates...you are right...well, its been 3 months..things are getting slightly better, but i am still so sad...could i have lost my true soulmate? Ugh,...dont wanna even think of that. I took up drinking.

Going out with friends, family...nothing seems to be working. I am just reminded of her and miss her more, not having her to share my days with..No, we dont work together, but she met her present girlfriend at my job..when she had stopped in to visit me...

I'm reminded of that old song "Always Something There To Remind Me"

Looking at the posting dates, I'd hazard a guess that you really, really have not had the time to fully grieve the loss of your relationship. Being by yourself all the time is still new, and most people would still be expecting her to walk back in like she's only been away for a short trip...

My gut feeling is that you shouldn't be considering doing much more than working, paying the bills, slowly making your space yours again - And any one of those is a hell of a lot ! If you have the resources, counselling would be a good idea. Not just for having a non-judging person to vent at, but a good therapist can help point towards ways of learning to live again.

Any of that make sense?

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