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i could not have children around full time and cannot quite conceptualize dealing with them all the time... the noise and the stress and the constant needing...

so for parents out there who are aspie or autistic, what ways do you cope?

here is the thing: i have a good friend who is asperger who has two very small children and cannot cope with their noise and so instead brushes them off or yells at them... i have no idea what he can do to de-stress since he is still in the house with the kids and the noise and it doesn't make sense to tell two toddlers to make no noise...

being autistic i was really stressed after being with them a week on vacation... egads, FULL TIME?? no way could i.

any ideas would be GREATLY appreciated ;)

abi

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Is he on any meds? What they mean by risperdal "treating" autism is that is helps with that kind of stuff. Others can help too.

If he's not on anything, he needs to be. If he on something, it needs chaining.

Has he taken any parenting classes or anything?

The simple fact of the matter is asperger's or no asperger's, this is not OK and he'll fuck the kids up and/or get them taken away if he doesn't learn to deal. The kids would be better off with a single mom than two parents together, one of whom is abusive.

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I know I couldn't deal with toddlers nor could I have dealt with NT kids.

So I didn't.

Sometimes they drive me absofuckingloutely nuts, but at least it's tolerable most of the time.

And I do get breaks from them.

I don't know what to write since the only solutions I can think of would be incorrect for the situation.

Sorry.

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Well Abi...

Kids & pets share one trait. The more ignored they feel, they more of a pain in the ass they become because they NNNEEEDDDDD that attention! If they can't get the good attention, they will go for negative. Anything to get recognition.

Since he is Aspie, and, if he is anything like you, thrives on structure, what about a schedule? Specific time when he gives all his attention to his little munchkins..takes them for a walk or out for ice cream...or helps with home work or they read together or whatever. Just make it consistant, and he has to actually BE there and focused on them. Not thinking about all the stuff he could be doing if he wasn't hanging with his kids.

He is a very smart super logical guy. Just point out that this time and attention is completely necessary for their development. They need that from both parents...not just mom. It his responsibility and is even more important than his job (which I know he loves).

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VE.. that is the issue he's going to be facing if he doesn't figure this out SOON... which is why i wanted some solid advice to bring to him. i'm more along the lines with maddy... i do great with kids who are nuts too. lol. but i have issues with "normal" kids. i just don't know what to do with them. they think in weird ways that i can't understand.

he has a doctor who is helping him with meds for the seizures (he will suddenly just lose all muscle control and fall over and then it passes... it's a specific type of seizure that i can't remember the word for) but right now he's mostly losing sleep because of the meds which, of course, makes everything harder on him. maybe that doctor can help with the asperger too? i'll suggest that to him.

wifezilla... a set time might help. good ideas ;) i'll talk to him tomorrow and see what he thinks.

i really like him and i don't want to see him throw everything away just because he doesn't understand how his own head works, you know? he isn't malicious, but he's causing HUGE problems and that isn't going to be allowed to continue because of the kids. but i'm not good at how to deal with them full time either so i didn't have any good advice.

abi

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well, APs drop seizure threshhold so that's out of the question.

Parenting classes and therapy. Desensitisation stuff. They need to talk to a social worker.

You might want to try asking on wrong planet or one of the slightly bland but highly trafficked autie forums like that.

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abifae replied:

VE... we had a really long talk and pinpointed some things for him to work on. i'm having his wife write down all the specifics he is doing and sending it to me and i'm going to help her make sure he'll understand it. she doesn't write the most aspie friendly but i think i can translate lol. and that will help him focus down on the specific problems (and writing vice versa so she can focus too)....

normally i dont' get involved in domestic disputes but since the main problem here is translating for the aspie, i poked my nose in lol.

(sorry abi, pj is only doing this topic splitting for the first time and can't figure out how to deal with your post that covers two of the subjects)

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