New here- scared to switch meds

[Guest Guest_madrigalmama_*]

Hello Everyone! I'm so glad I found this place! I was a member of another online forum that went kerflooey one day and it was very sad, since I really enjoyed it.

A short history of my journey through psych-ville (or should that be psycho-ville ?):

I'm a stay-at-home mom in my late 30's with 3 wonderful kids- 2 girls, ages 4 & 1/2 and almost 3, and a 6-month old boy. Yes, I have my hands full! My husband is a computer ner- I mean genius, no, really, he is. He works in computer security and is a computer engineer and has built all of our computers from scratch. He is a kind, intelligent, supportive guy with a good sense of humor. That's not to say we don't have our problems, but all in all I'm pretty amazed and grateful that I have such a great family.

I was first dx'ed with depression in my early teens- no big surprise since my mother suffered with depression throughout my childhood and my family was very dysfunctional. Saw a therapist on & off throughout high school. Second dx of PTSD came in college, I had moved away from my family and started having memories of sexual abuse during my childhood. Every few years I would go into a deep depression and get suicidal, and after I started remembering the abuse, things got really ugly. I ended up dropping out of school and living at my mother's house and becoming almost suicidal again. I used to do cutting, too, and I sliced up my arm pretty well. Went into a psych hospital for a few months, which I think saved my life. While I was there, things fell into place, I got my 3rd dx of MPD. ("Oh, so that's what those voices are!") (Currently, my MPD seems to be "on the back burner"- I don't do a lot of switching and I'm not quite sure if it's because I don't need them to help me function anymore or if I am just keeping them inside. I have always been high-functioning, and I don't want my kids to deal with having a "crazy mom" )

Left the hospital, moved away from my family of origin, lived with various friends and boyfriends, wound up being put on Zoloft, which I also think saved my life. I have not had a deep depression since I have been on it, and the times I went off of it (during each pregnancy), I did become deeply depressed. However, I started taking it about 10 years ago, and I think that the Zoloft has worn out its welcome. For the past few years, I have been on Prozac during my pregnancies and then switched to Zoloft which breastfeeding. I have noticed that I have had more anxiety in the past few years and now looking back at my childhood I think I was also an extremely anxious child. I went on Buspar for a short time between pregnancies but it ended up making me really tired so I stopped taking it.

So I have been experiencing depression and anxiety since before the baby was born, I am very short-tempered with my girls (it doesn't help that they are both in "testing" stages), and I have had 3 anxiety/panic attacks recently. I talked with my regular doctor (all the p-docs covered by my insurance don't have appointments available until mid-June) about switching meds. Of course, Cymbalta is all over the tv and I asked about that. I think that the ads really convey what it is like when you are depressed- I've been the woman sitting on the couch while the phone rings and rings. So she set me up with a course of tapering my Zoloft down and starting the Cymbalta.

I went online to look up side effects and such of Cymbalta, and now I'm scared to start taking it! I found a website where people write about side effects and difficult withdrawals from meds and Cymbalta had like 400 listings, and some of them were pretty disturbing. I don't want to be having "brain zaps" or whatever they're called! Plus, I seem to have weird reactions to medications- I have had an allergic reaction to a newer antibiotic and I had a weird reaction to Sonata (a sleep med). It seems like a drug has to be in my system for a couple of weeks before any weirdness happens. So I was already thinking that I was possibly going to have a side effect or 4. Then when I started reading about all the yucky stuff people had experienced, I got really scared. I have to take care of 3 small children, one of whom is a baby, all day, and I can't really be having all these weird things happening to my body (pulse racing, brain zaps, blurred vision, etc.) Plus, I am currently breastfeeding and am going to wean my baby when I start the Cymbalta, and I know that the change in hormones from that is probably going to make me feel more depressed. So I'm going to have that to deal with too.

So tell me- is there anyone who has had a good exprience with Cymbalta or should I just go back to my doc and ask for a different med? Thanks!

[scatty]

I have never been on cymbalta but I wanted to welcome you to the nuthouse. I have 3 kids & stay home also, although my youngest is 5 and my oldest 14. I can't imagine having 3 under the age of 5. You must be very busy indeed!