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Disassociating and Cutting


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;):):cussing:

I had another disassociating episode and cut. I lost atleast an hour of time where I have no clue what happened. I don't like this stuff! I wish all this would go away but I know that is not going to happen. My goes blank and I just can't stop myself from doing this. Each time this happens either the cuts get longe or deeper. I don't even know I'm writing this. Thanks for those that read this!

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;):):cussing::wtf:

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I do the same thing. but mine is usually burning. I don't remember doing it, sometimes it (the SI ) brings me back to my body, sometimes I just come back to blisters and burns. I dissociate/depersonalize badly and miss entire days. I have no advice, just that I know what you are going through and it sucks

Panz

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Wow guys! Never, ever the case for me and it honestly makes me hurt for you in a fearful way that stepping outside yourselves brings on your attacks.

God! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

Mine is ALWAYS planned, measured and all. I'll even make an early day trip to the drug store to buy bandages and antiseptic if I'm out because I just know it't heading that way.

Next, there is alcohol and meds, anger at anything, then the self-hate and loathing thing takes over.

Trigger coming.

In the last 9 months I put on 50 lbs because of my meds. Off those now and taking Xenical and the lbs are flying off so fast it's just amazing. However, I still hate the fat that I never had. Two Fridays back a went into town and got bandages and one of those knives you use for corns on your feet (usually just grab something in the kitchen, but was sick of tainting my love of cooking with the fact that the knife chopping onions did XYZ).

So, got drunk that night and played chase the veins around the fat cow to see if we can catch one. No luck, but brilliant markings.

Sorry for that off topic bit. I do think it's all based on unreasoned self-loathing, but how do we stop when we're so miswired?

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Sometimes for me, being a perky goth nature diva, if I catch myself before I slip away doing something physically active, like fighting my war on the weeds in my yard it helps me stay focused and grounded. It has me focused on doing a thing and it lets some of the inherent anger and need to cut something out in a safe way. Doesn't often work that way, but I has worked when I can do it. Also works for depression

Panz

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;):):cussing:

I don't know that I depersonalize as such, but after I cut I look back on the episode with confusion. I can remember what I did but I have a problem understanding what was going through my head and motivating me to cut. There is also a strange sinking feeling just before I start cutting.

I don't have any warning so I have to keep bandages, etc., around the house all the time.

I've learned ways to redirect myself, but sometimes it comes on so fast that I don't have a chance to stop myself.

It's very odd, because I have such a handle on most things outside of this.

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