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I go through this at least twice a year (BTW I'm bipolar but in the depressive cycle); I completely shut out all contact wiht my friends and just spend days on end in solitude reading listening to music, watching tv etc. It is actually making me feel worse. The worst part is that I havent got a job as I am too also scared of going to interviews when i get called for them. I have lost all interst in things that I enjoy such as going out and the like and always feel 2nd rate next to everyone else. I ahve to be drunk or high when im out too as i lack the self esteem i used to have. I shut away in room for days only venturing out to eat . hoevere i think drugs are partly to blame as i see a pattern that has plagued me for years. i feel like i should be back on medication again but my doctor is so shit at giving me the right medication. I think i bring it on myself as i feel liek im losing my friends in the process. im too scared to go outside and i dont know why. i feel it is better to just stay in my head rather tahn have to talk to people. yet i have so many ideas of what i want to achieve that it aches me that i am like this. the last time i went out it took me 45 mins to go out the front door and i was only going down the road to the shops. i am popular wiht a whole network of friends but i do not have the patience or energy to bother with it all. my brain is on overload and i want it to stop.

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nikki,

same goes on for me. it's the pits. reason would dictate that being around others would be better for crack-pots but how do ya do that when ya feel so bad that you don' t want people near? i have just recently gone to a pdoc for help again. dunno what the name for what ails me is. don't know much about mental treatments although this is not first time i have had to get help.

for me there has been only bad, bad results from getting loaded in the past. from what i have read here and elsewhere; one has to get a doc that is effective. it's the hit, miss and all the time crashed while one hunts one out that is so hard. i gotta hope that there is chemical help that works on the horizon for me. how long can this go on?

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God, I could have written that post. I can relate with not being able to get out the door, wanting to avoid people, wanting to achieve things and feeling blocked, etc.

I don't know what drugs you are on, but you should probably see about quitting them. I will presume marijuana is involved, and that can make you paranoid and self-conscious and uncomfortable around people. Getting drugs out of the picture will give you an edge against your illness, while drug use is ultimately going to perpetuate your problems.

What meds were you on before? Were they working?

I love your icon, that is beautiful.

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Thank you both for the responses ;)

I was on Citalopram, Mirtazipine, Prozac and Valproate before but not all together though! I think it's a case of finding what meds or treatment works for me. I am also thinking of going back to therapy. Proazc worked the most as it made me have lots more energy and made me do things but I had the shakes terribly and it made me incredibly manic. Citalopram and Mirt. made me sleepy as hell and took ages to kick in and don;t get me started on Valproate which made so ill i didnt even want to get out of bed.

In terms of drugs I have a long battle with them in the case of not being able to say no. I take ecstasy, amphetamines & cocaine most of all and i only smoked marijuana last week for the first time in ages which is good considering I used to have a real bad habit with it.

Would love to talk to you both more about it if needs be

Nikki

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For bipolar, it is not advised to be on an SSRI alone - they can make you manic, as you described prozac did. Your pdoc should know that. If he really sucks at prescribing meds, maybe it wouldn't hurt to find someone more talented.

I am a huge fan of therapy, if the therapist is decent. There are a lot of people working as therapists who will waste your time or make you worse. A handful of them can actually help you to grow profoundly. It certainly could help to have the support of a decent therapist to help you quit a long-term drug habit.

You will also find a lot of support on this board! ;)

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I have nothing really useful to add, but to say that I can relate a lot. Never going out anymore, just shut in, though I am working now. I was out of work for a while, and was very hard. I can relate to the feeling of knowing things I want out of life, knowing in some way that seems increasingly abstract that I am capable of so much more, and feeling all the more crappy for not doing anything but rotting away. I am glad to be working, and glad to be in a relationship that means a lot to me. But I have just stopped seeing all the people I knew, and I feel shunned by many of them. I don't even care that much anymore where this was them leaving me or me not keeping up with them, it all feels like too much work.

I think it is really important to have things that you can be hopeful about or seeking in your life that can provide some reason to pull yourself out. Definitely drugs will make things a lot worse, but it can be hard to stop when you have nothing else you are trying to do. Support groups are good; therapy is good; anything you can do that will call you out of your cave and either let you interact with others without some negative experience or let you open up about who you are. Therapy may be better for the latter when who you are is very conflicted and painful.

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