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Taking a break from caring

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It's been about a month now since I started cutting again, had been abstinent for almost 2 years prior. Before I was very concerned about my behavior and tried very hard to stop doing it. I think I made a mistake.

Don't worry, I'm not saying that cutting is good; I rarely give impressionable kids advice that they can solve all their problems by cutting ;) I'm just thinking that I was focusing on the wrong thing. To me, I see cutting as a "symptom" of an underlying "disease". I guess I'd rather try to work on the things that are bothering me and that lead me to cut. I'm taking a wild guess that cutting will end up resolving itself afterwards. If there's nothing driving me to cut then it's not very likely that I'll do it.

Anxiety is a big part of the recipe that leads me to cut, so I figure that I'll reduce that anxiety a bit and try not to worry too much about it.

My outlook had been improving (prior to the little visit by my parents this weekend... another post), but my cutting has been increasing. The uncharacteristic introspection that I've been doing has dug up a lot of old painful memories. I think it's good that I'm not hiding from them right now and trying to come to terms with them, but my forearm has paid the price.

I don't know, I may be making a huge mistake by taking this attitude. If there's one thing I've learned to do well, it's to never trust my thoughts, emotions or behavior... thanks mom.

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I think it's a good thing, trying to take care of underlying causes. It's a very constructive approach--certainly, for me, taking care of certain emotional aspects of my life has made it very easy to not cut--I mean, sure, the thought crosses my mind, but I haven't acted on it in sooo long--less because I don't want to, but more cuz I don't fell the need to.

Change thinking, change behaviors, change actions. While it's not always so cut and dried, it's a good solid foundation.

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