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Hi I'm new and I need to get this stuff off my chest.


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Hi. Glad you found us. I'd say more but my carpel tunnel is killing me.

How much of this have you told your docs?

I want to move your post but I'm not sure how to do that without it seeming like I'm diagnosing you.

I've told them a little bit. They know the major details, but they don't know the small ones, if that makes any sense. Plus there's a relationship that I had that I like to keep abaolutely secret. He was incredibly abusive and I cannot stand thinking about him or talking about him. I cannot even say his name. they should probably know about it, but who knows when I'll work up the courage to face it.

move it wherever you want. I stuck it here because anxiety is the only thing they say is wrong with me that I entirely agree with.

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Hey...

I just wanted you to know that I read that entire thing and I don't quite know what to say yet because a lot of it resonates with me and sometimes I have to give posts sinking in time before I can respond to them.

But I wanted to at least bear witness and say that I think it's incredibly strong to have written all this stuff out... you really didn't flinch much in any of that, and that's a difficult thing to do.

I kind of agree with VE that it might be appropriate to move it, but I'm not sure where to, either.

But welcome and I'm also glad you're here.

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Hey...

I just wanted you to know that I read that entire thing and I don't quite know what to say yet because a lot of it resonates with me and sometimes I have to give posts sinking in time before I can respond to them.

But I wanted to at least bear witness and say that I think it's incredibly strong to have written all this stuff out... you really didn't flinch much in any of that, and that's a difficult thing to do.

I kind of agree with VE that it might be appropriate to move it, but I'm not sure where to, either.

But welcome and I'm also glad you're here.

thank you for the kind words. I understand if you need time to think about it.

I've been lurking for a while. I like the attitude here.

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Hey...

I just wanted you to know that I read that entire thing and I don't quite know what to say yet because a lot of it resonates with me and sometimes I have to give posts sinking in time before I can respond to them.

But I wanted to at least bear witness and say that I think it's incredibly strong to have written all this stuff out... you really didn't flinch much in any of that, and that's a difficult thing to do.

I kind of agree with VE that it might be appropriate to move it, but I'm not sure where to, either.

But welcome and I'm also glad you're here.

thank you for the kind words. I understand if you need time to think about it.

I've been lurking for a while. I like the attitude here.

me too, fwiw.

i mean about not quit knowing what to write yet

though i think that there are a lot of different aspects to what you write, and probably the post wouldn't entirely fit in a single other place, besides maybe a blog -- but i think it is important for you to gain the support in these forums and have people know you and stuff before you go to the blogs (though if you want to blog, that's cool too)..

if you can hang in there with the withdrawal, that would ultimately be good. i stopped short of going off lexapro because i am working and i knew it would be hellish, and i'm fairly stable right now.

anxiety is a bitch, and i'm wondering whether your anxiety actually started in grad school, or if you were always anxious and if you think at all that the other symptoms/problems you were going through in your earlier years (ED, SI, etc), from 10/11 onward, might have been manifestations of anxiety.

these are the only preliminary thoughts.

glad you posted and de-lurked.

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hmmmmmmmmmm.. i read the whole thing too, congrats on writing all that it takes guts. It seems like you HAVE had it pretty tough sexually throughout ur childhood/adolescence, seriously no one should hafta put up with that crap, and Im guessing this has lead to a deep hatred for men and making you want to intensely punish them and punish yourself in certain ways. Mabye finding a really good shrink who can delve into these issues and go back and heal some of these old wounds... i dunno some therapy or sumthing... i dont think meds are your answer, you have sum issues you need to fix (i say that in the nicest way possible.. hell we all do), and you deserve better than treating yourself in the way you desbribe. Im sure your a beautiful person that can learn to respect your body and respect other people... mabye theres some sex therapist that specialise with ur needs a bit more?

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i dont think meds are your answer,

Meds COMBINED with therapy is often THE BEST way to be stable and lead the best life possible.

You have a lot of work ahead of you Whiskey, but you have already taken the first steps....those are often the hardest.

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Dr. M also told me that there's a good chance that I just won't really respond to medication. I've been depressed for so long that my brain just won't respond to medicine. Supposedly.

Endogenous depression, the kind that is the result of neurochemical goofing off instead of doing their jobs, normally responds to medication. However, medication doesn't provide a cure - the little buggers just go back to their old tricks, maybe having learned new ones. Medication usually doesn't do a lot for depression caused by a rational look at a screwed-up life situation.

I don't feel depressed though. I don't want to throw up, I don't cry all day, I don't think about suicide, I don't feel bad, I'm eager to live life and see what's in store.

Some people experience these depression symptoms, some don't.

So anyway, I'm hoping the pills will help me sleep and I'm hoping that maybe someone will stop me, shake me, and get me to care about this more than I do, and for the right reasons (as in, I should stop hurting people because it hurts *them* not because they might, in revenge, hurt me).

That's not uncommon for depression, though.

Anyway, the major big deal with medication for a lot of psychiatric problems that get mixed in with major psychological problems is that medication can help you stay stable enough to get into and stick with whatever therapy you need. As disfunctional as it sounds, one of the benefits an antidepressant can provide is enough emotional insulation to let you handle the really hot and bothersome topics without getting burned again.

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That's one hell of a story. A good therapist can help you work through some of these issues, but you have to be totally honest with them (that's the hard part.) I suggest being open with professionals who treat you and see how it goes. They have heard it all, believe me. Keep posting, it does help to get it all out.

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Wow, you were really honest in your post. It made me realize how much I 'fluff' my own issues up in therapy. I can't even talk like that to myself, much less someone else.

You have the ability get past the bullshit and I think you know that you need to work through all of this stuff with a therapist to get to the bottom of your problems or to atleast start feeling better.

Welcome to crazyboards and I wish you lots of luck in feeling better soon!

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