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Should I change meds?

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I am on Lexapro 20mg a day in the morning and while I'm not planning to kill myself I want to and I *know* it's the only solution to my problems and I have to do it eventually. I am constantly miserable but I don't cry and I don't cut myself. I feel better than when I wasn't on antidepressants but I still feel like complete shit. The other antidepressants I've been on are Effexor-XR up to 300mg, Remeron up to 30mg, Celexa up to 20mg and Zyprexa (an antipsychotic) up to 5mg which helped a fair bit but made me gain weight. Should I stay on Lexapro or ask my psych. for a change? If I should change what drugs should I try next?

EDIT: I'm also too anxious to go to school at the moment and that's a big problem. I may go back on Valium or another benzo soon. Ambien is handling my insomnia but I might be upping the dose to 10mg a night.

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