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As some of you know, I have 4 kids that rely on me for everything. My wife works part time and we barely live above the poverty line. We live in a 2br aprt, thats 6 people in a small apt. all we could afford. We just moved here and I started a new career. Now I wish I never made the decision. I have dealt with Depression ANXIETY and the voices for about 2 years now. There are too many things that are stressing me out right now to mention any of them. I want to go to a hospital and just be medicated to the gills (even though I already am to some degree.) I have started smoking again and drinking again. Suicide is not an option. My family means too much to do that to them. I have started to think of cutting myself I want to. I think I might give it a try. The Paxil works I know because I stopped taking it for 3 days and almost succombed to the anxiety and depression (didn't want to leave my bed}. It is going to take some time before the external stuff lightens up.

Thanks for listening. Waiting for the Klonopin to kick in.

Manny

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I have been gone from this site for awhile so I am not really familar with your situation. Do you have a history of self harm? Or is this the first time and you think it will help? Your life situation right now is very stressed but it is important to stay on course and things will get better. Self injury is not the answer. It is addictive and the relief is so small its not worth it. I have layers upon layers of scars from SI, off and on for twenty years and it never really helped anything.

take care

trg247

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"Waiting for the Klonopin to kick in." That is my daily mantra, really. I am not familiar with your whole background, but being under the stress that you are under, is going to make everything worse. I am curious, can you get any assistance, any county help? Going back to substance abuse is not going to help, though I know all too well that it helps at the time. I SI and am trying to stop. I will tell you this, it will really freak your kids if they were to see you doing it or the aftermath. I would see help because you sound like you are in a real tail spin. Have you told anyone about the voices? do you see a therapist? I wish I could do more to help you. Seems like a lot of us are in a bad way right now. Please think it over carefully. It would be better to be in a hospital getting ,hopefully a referal to some one who can counsel you and help you get a handle on your problems, than to keep on the way you are. Sounds like you love your family, you owe it to not only yourself, but to them to get some help. I don't mean to preach, I just want you to be ok.

Worried for you, I hope that you get some peace from all this

Panz

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I used to cut in high school. Have not since. I am taking my paxil, but have not been taking the Risperdal because I have been drinking at night after the kids are in bed etc. I feel this need to cut though. I need to take my Risperdal too.

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Cutting is not a habit you want to get back into. You are pretty much saying what you need to do right now, quit drinking and take all of your meds. If you are depressed alcohol is just going to make it worse and have a bad effect on the meds you are taking. It is time for you to grab a hold of yourself if not for you for your family

take care

trg247

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