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Intrusive vignettes?


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This happened to me last night, hasn't happened in a little while, but it's the most upsetting symptom I get.  I'll be thinking about something, some situation, person, etc. I'm worried about, and all of a sudden I'm lost in a daydream about that thing, only it's like a psychic vision of the worst-case scenario, and I can't control it.  I see my worst fears played out behind my eyes and I'm reminded of intrusive thoughts, only there's dialogue, there's a plot, it's like a waking nightmare. 

And then I wind up a sobbing mess, begging my mind to please stop.

Anyone else experience this?  Is there anything, beside meds, you've found helpful?

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Oh Ella, that sounds scarey.  I don't think I have ever had anything like that so I really don't know how to be of help.  Have you spoke to your pdoc about this thing, you said it had happened before.  Is there a name for it.  Maybe I could do a little research for you.  Hang in there Ella, we're cheering for you!

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Ella

i can very much relate to this, almost exactly to the dot at times.  The major thing that has allowed me to get past this issue is internalizing the acceptance that what this is is OCD (cognitive type) and that i am in no way intending to do anything harmful to others and i wont be doing anything harmful to others in the way that i'm imagining things going down in my head.  Now there are definitely some things that help me out beyond just mere acceptance: 1) exercising helps so much, its a release and not only a release, but it puts me in a much better optimistic and energy filled state to be able to deal with such a mind-fuk, 2) an SSRI has helped a lot, i'm taking about 7.5 mgs of Lexapro right now, not a huge dose but enough to take an edge off of the anxiety that i experience in such a mind-fuk.  Hey keep your chin up and realize that your intentions are a lot different than what you are imagining happening to others.  I just leave it at the fact that these thoughts may be a constant going on in my head for a long time, i just dont put much importance into them.  Mostly what they call "desensitizing" oneself to them.  Also, what i've learned as well (due to having ADHD and taking stimulants) is that ADHD meds intensify the OCD issues that i have.

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Have you spoke to your pdoc about this thing, you said it had happened before.
I've told him I experience "intrusive thoughts", but I'd forgotten to mention this at the time.  I was kind of thinking it fell into the same category, but I don't know.  :::Breaks out notepad and pen and jots more notes for next pdoc appt.:::

Maybe I could do a little research for you.  Hang in there Ella, we're cheering for you!

That's a very kind offer.  I see pdoc on Friday, so hopefully he'll be able to shed some light on this. 

The major thing that has allowed me to get past this issue is internalizing the acceptance that what this is is OCD (cognitive type) and that i am in no way intending to do anything harmful to others and i wont be doing anything harmful to others in the way that i'm imagining things going down in my head.
Normally it's terrible or distressing things happening to others or myself.  E.g., the pdoc telling me I'm making everything up or that I'm hopeless.

As far as exercising goes, I'm pretty lucky if I have enough energy just to get routine tasks accomplished.  Sometimes I have to pump myself up with a little caffeine just to make certain the animals get their dinner and I wash up for bed.  I try, but usually can only manage it once a week.  Maybe the meds will help.

And SSRIs and I don't get along, though I know they work wonders for some people.  I'm most likely going to be put on an antipsychotic, so maybe that will help.  Stress is a real bugger for my OCD, too.  If I didn't have so much weighing on my mind I wouldn't have half the grief my anxiety disorders are giving me.

Sorry I couldn't use your advice, but I appreciate it all the same.

Also, what i've learned as well (due to having ADHD and taking stimulants) is that ADHD meds intensify the OCD issues that i have.

I wish I hadn't read that.  lol I do need an ADD med, but maybe pdoc and I will hold off until the anxiety disorders are under better control. 

Thanks for the responses!

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Guest Guest_stipple_*

  wow    you too it's like one of those groan humor Albert Brooks movies.

  everything is going wrong and you know the next thing is going to be messed up.

I try to sit and empty my head or meditate which is tuff on meds.

          Maybe write about it .Hopefully you can look back on your movie and laugh at it even though it's so personal and isn't funny when its happening.

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am going thru this BAD right now.  major unexpected stressful situation concerning an erratically behaving person...or two. fine for little awhile, then back full-blown.  my nights were my solace, now that is when these people are (in reality) intruding into my life.  aftreward, into my thoughts.  i have just about had it.  may be time to just shut my phone off ....for a long while.

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Since I'm manic, I can't TAKE stimulants (or, rather, both me and my Pdoc are wise enough to not give them to me, LOL), so I take Strattera for ADD, instead.  It helps, enormously.  I noticed a tremendous difference in my ability to get things done in my life.

It's good to know there's an effective non-stim ADD drug out there.  I've had attention/concentration problems all my life (after reviewing my history and administering a test, pdoc pronounced me ADD).  I just happened to attend a shitty school in a backwoods place that would only put boys who were bouncing all over the place on Ritalin.  So now I have all the funky brain stuff going on, but am ready to address the attention/concentration deficits...and I really don't think I need to throw stims into the mix. 

Thanks to everyone who responded...I do obsess over my "quirks", you all know how that goes, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one experiencing this stuff.

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Ella,

Being Bipolar and an author, I have seen things that would probably make you shiver.  There have been times that these little daydreams have happened while I was driving and I'd reach my destination thinking, "How'd I get here so fast?"

Just yesterday morning, I was lying in bed, fully awake and daydreaming about something so wonderful that when I finally came to, I was crying because it was so beautiful, I wanted it to be real.  I even remember speaking outloud, "I'll remember that day until the day I die."  I curled up into a ball and cried and cried because it wasn't real. 

My imagination does run wild.  It can go from being completely romantic to completely disgusting and morbid.  Lately, all I can see is the death of my uncle.  I see myself picking up the phone, hearing my mother telling me that my uncle died.  I see us getting ready for the funeral.  It's just unreal.  I've seen myself getting into car accidents.  I've seen other things that I choose not to tell because I'm afraid they'll scare everyone away.  The details are downright amazing.  Smells, touch, sounds, you name it.  My actual dreams are like this too, but most of the time, I can't recall all the details like I can when I daydream.

Well, I need to get ready to see my therapist.  She's in for a real treat today, that's for sure.  I don't even have the engery to do this, but I have to.  Wish she could come to me for once, but it's best that I leave the house.  My cocooon is starting to build up again and I'm so afraid that I'm going to let it swallow me up.

Oh...as for my friend...he apologized to me, via email.  I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him or not.  He really hurt me by calling me selfish, when all I want to do is be there for everyone and I can't even be there for myself.

Elizabeth

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Elizabeth, you're the one writing a vampire novel if I'm remembering correctly (saw that somewhere a while ago and meant to comment, never got around to it).  Since I never got around to saying it before, I think you've chosen first-rate subject matter for your book  ;) I cannot get enough vampire novels!  It's a special weakness of mine...I'll never forget going on an Anita Blake bender (I'm a biblio-addict!) and swooping down (har har) on Borders to get all the books in the series I wasn't willing to wait weeks for through the library's reserve system.  Love sinking my teeth (last pun, I promise!) into a good vamp book.  You're obviously a very creative sort, so I look forward to getting acquainted with your vampires someday.   

Oh...as for my friend...he apologized to me, via email.  I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him or not.  He really hurt me by calling me selfish, when all I want to do is be there for everyone and I can't even be there for myself.

I can understand that.  Sometimes "sorry" just doesn't cut it when there have been a lot of bad feelings stirred up.

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Ella,

You remembered correctly.  "Raven's Blood" is the first novel in my series, "The Crossroads".  Actually the whole series revolves not only around vampires, but witches, shapeshifters, werewolves, Goddesses and so much more.  Each novel will be about a certain character from the first book...if I ever get around to finishing it.  I'm sure I will.  I'm not the average novelist and can put out a book every year.  It takes a lot out of me.  I've been working on this one for a year now.  I'll sit down every now and then and reread what I've written and change things around.  I've never been published as of yet, and I'm sure if I sent this in, they would hack it up to pieces. 

I have, I do believe the first four chapters online...so far I do believe I have nine chapters written, plus maybe five various chapters written to be added later on when I come to those scenes in the book.  I jump around a lot.  When I "see" something ahead of time, I write it down, that way I have it ready. 

I started writing books at the age of eight.  My very first story was 30 some odd pages long.  My school teacher wanted us to write a short story for English.  One paragraph.  When I handed in my 30 pager, he just looked amazed.  I got the highest grade out of both classes.  That was the beginning of my writing career, so to speak. 

Here's the link if you want to read some of Raven's Blood.  Just warning you...there's a lot of sex, blood, drugs and rock and roll...*laughs* What can I say, I'm a Goth.

http://www.geocities.com/melancholy_pennydreadful/

Elizabeth

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I have vivid violent fantasies almost every day.  So does my best friend with OCD...we found this out incidentally one day when we were having the same vision of being hit by a car in the grocery store parking lot.  Almost every time I cross the street I can see myself getting hit and flying, where I would land, how my body would look, etc.  When I have especially intrusive thoughts, I imagine my head getting crushed by a semi truck quite vividly.  When I'm manic, I imagine beating people who move too slowly for me. 

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When I have especially intrusive thoughts, I imagine my head getting crushed by a semi truck quite vividly.
Eeeewwwwwwww.  I'm getting a headache just thinking about it.

Here's the link if you want to read some of Raven's Blood.  Just warning you...there's a lot of sex, blood, drugs and rock and roll...*laughs* What can I say, I'm a Goth.

Yum!  Sounds good  :) I'll be checking that out after I finish HP (I can't believe I haven't even finished the first chapter!  My concentration is shot today  ;) )

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i've lived most of the last few years obsessing over scenarios past or possible though benzos (curently valium) and therapy (EMDR, bodywork, zen) and yoga and any positive actions have all helped immensely. i don't know if it's my OCD (which i always relate more to my ritual actions) or more likely my generalized anxiety but in any case you're not alone in having endless thought circuits.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Omg I can COMPLETELY relate to this.  That is exactly how I feel except for the crying part because for some reason the celexa has pretty well taken away my ability to cry.

I frequently have scenarios playing out in my head that are like daydreams of worse case scenario type situations.  The daydreams are never about good things..always negative and they make me feel very anxious. 

I also replay things that have happened and imagine what I did and how stupid it was and what that person must have been thinking and then i have to dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands or scrunch up my face to drive these things out of my head.

Oh wow.. this was supposed to be a quick reply but now I am typing out my life story!

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i should have added earlier that EMDR therapy has been most valuable in this regard. i'm not "cured" and still rely on meds but session by session, subject by subject, the charge has dissipated.

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